Last week on Project Runway...
Jay won immunity in the "potato sack" outfit competition.
(Don't you want to see Heidi give him a shot of vitamin C and yell, "You have immunity and no scurvy!")
Pamela was out because the producers wanted to keep Ping-A-Ling and her completely insane hip bucket/butt flap design aesthetic around for one more episode.
Ooops... did I give it away?
We open as per usual: teeth are brushed, eyelashes are curled and Logan is not cooking bacon. The usual banter gets tossed around, "Jesus doesn't want to go home," "Ping should have gone home," and "Why is Jennifer Eolin still single? What a hot piece of ass if you can overlook her obnoxious personality."
They all leave for the runway challenge and Ping forgets to put on shoes. Seriously. A fully grown woman forgot shoes. She is making "Spit Mark" from seasons past look like freaking Albert Einstein. Someone stop the bleeding.
On the runway, Heidi asks the designers if they'd like to meet some of the most iconic designers of all time. The designers of course say, "Yes." I'd love for just once to have someone say, "F NO! I want to go to Disneyland!" But alas, they all play nicely and Heidi gives them absolutely NO helpful information and leaves the designers to walk down the streets of NYC alone. (But she pinned notes into their sleeves with their names and contact #'s should they get lost and end up in Alphabet City or New Jersey.)
They end up going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and they meet Tim Gunn in the New American Wing. (Thank God, because the Old American Wing was soooooo gauche....)
"It still has that new car smell."
Tim tells them that they are in the presence of 10 top iconic designer dresses on loan from the costume department at the MET.
"I tried on every dress before you got here
and I dare say I am resplendent in pink."
The challenge is issued: "Working in teams of two to create a high end signature look. A look that fit in with this company." The designers cry and moan about the challenge and the plight of the "team challenge" rearing its notoriously ugly head. However! Tim tells them they have $500 to spend - a Project Runway first! He also sweetens the pot by telling them they have 2 days for the challenge. Needless to say, happy designers all around.
They pick their teams and it ends up like this:
Jay & Maya:
Jesus & Amy
Anthony aka "Brown Sugar" & Seth Aaron
Jeneane & Ben
Mila & Jonathan
Ping & Jesse
Emilio & Anna
The powder keg due out of this is Ping & Jesse. She gives a sound bite stating how good she is at delegating work and Jesse would rather work with a rabid ocelot at this point. Yes. This will be good.
The designers walk around the New American Hall and take in the garments (Yves St. Laurent, Christian Dior, Madame Gres, Cristobal Balenciaga, to name a few, because even though there are 10, we are only given these 4 to look at...) Personally, I wish there was more chatter about the garments and WHY some of them are so special (as some just looked like... clothes). But alas, a montage, unless it's done South Park style, rarely offers much info other than "time is passing."
Tim Gunn: "Nothing says 'New America' like a gaudy gold cupid statue."
"Why is Ping looking the wrong way?"
Janeane: "Oh Ben, I could cry!"
Ben: "How is THAT new?"
Back at Parsons, they sketch, have minor conflicts and then off to Mood! In the 45 minutes they have at Mood (which seems pretty leisurely in comparison to the usual 15-20 minute limit) Ping is a complete disaster. She has NO idea what she wants, where her sketch book is or where her mind is. She literally has a good natured mental breakdown. At this point, I know she's in over her head and I suspect the producers knew this too when they cast her. Because anybody with a lobotomy can see that she doesn't belong there. We found that out last week when she made an outhouse flap on her dress for what she thought was a farmers' party. Oh Ping, it's not your fault. You can't help it you're you. But the producers CAN help crucifying you at your expense. Sigh... onwards....
Back at Parsons... Jesse is going to kill Ping. I can't blame him. She is a basket case and he literally punches his own hand instead of her face. He can smell elimination and its freaking him out, "I feel like I'm just trying to reign in the crazy." Yep, pal. You are. Ping tells him to stop making her doubt her vision. He snaps back, "I just want to make sure there is one." OOO! Snap!
Elsewhere in the room, Anna is in awe of Emilio because he's older. (Whoooppee.) Mila lets Jonathan know that she likes to "digest" things. Which Jonathan knows means, "I do everything." He ain't no dummy. It's Season 7! All codes have been cracked and "digest" means "laze about and take all the glory."
Anthony and Seth Aaron realize that a dress that's red, yellow and black looks like something for the vice president of MacDonalds. HA! I like Anthony. Brown Sugar is funny.
It's midnight... home they go!
Day 2! Logan is still NOT there nor is there a pan of bacon. SIGH.
Back in Parson, Tim walks in and they all know what's coming. He tells them that they have to create an additional look that is fashionable and affordable, "a look for less" using 10% of their budget to create it. AND it will be derived from a look of another team. WOW. That truly sucks. BUT YAY for the producers mixing it up this year! (However, as a recapper this is hard to follow... so I hope this works.)
Ping & Jesse pick Emilio & Anna's look
Jeneane & Ben pick Mila & Jonathan
Jay & Maya pick Jeneane & Ben
Mila & Jonathon pick Anthony & Seth Aaron
Anthony & Seth Aaron pick Jesus & Amy
Jesus & Amy pick Ping & Jesse
Emilio & Anna end up with Jay & Maya
Yeah. Follow that? Good, cuz it gets more confusing once we hit the runway. (Where's my vodka!?)
They sketch for 20 minutes and then only 1 team member goes back to Mood. The stress is palpable. FINALLY! PROJECT RUNWAY IS BACK!
Back at Parson's Ping shows Jesse the hooker fabric she bought. Jay relaxes in his immunity which freaks Maya out (justly). Meanwhile Mila is taking her sweet ass time making a jacket. Jonathan is sewing everything else on the signature look as well as the second look. Yeah - I call "bullshit." (My new phrase for the week!)
Seth Aaron and Brown Sugar are bickering in the most adorable way. It's almost like flirting. I'm delighted.
The models are in for their fittings and Ping and Jesse nearly come to fisticuffs. Ping's indecision is making Jesse contemplate running out in front of a cab.
Finally - the best part, Tim checks in with the designers!
Jay & Maya: Tim tells them they look stressed out and justly so, they haven't started their second look! Egads! Tim tells them to "keep it simple!"
Ping & Jesse: Ping shows Tim the fabric for the second look and Tim says: "Wow, looks like expensive wrapping paper." Ping assures him it was expensive and he tells her, "It looks cheap." Jesse is so delighted to be right that he French kisses Tim and sets Ping on fire. Okay. Obviously not. But you know there was a montage in his head about it.
Anthony & Seth Aaron: They talk about how this dress is couture since its hand stitched. Anthony then calls Seth Aaron out on abandoning the top he was making by placing it on the floor. Seth Aaron (God, I really hate this name pairing...) sounds like a defiant teenager when he says, "Nu-uh!" (He didn't say that, but this tone did.) So Anthony scolds, "Let's not fight in front of company." HAHAHAA! Anthony, even if he makes a loin cloth for each and every challenge that follows, he'll stay in the competition pretty far since he's so enjoyable. My guess anyway...
Mila & Jonathan: Tim doesn't have any criticism. Zzzz.
More bickering between Jonathan and Maya as well as Ping and Jesse. Hmmmmm.... foreshadowing?
Let's introduce the judges: Yak, yak yak yak... British designer, Matthew Williamson.
Nina: "What have you designed?"
Matthew: "Frankly, I don't know."
Michael Kors: "Frankly, none of us ever heard of you."
Matthew: "Are you sure it's not Jennifer Eolin who never heard of me?"
Heidi: "Do you design hoodies?"
Heidi: "She never heard of you."
Heidi: "She never heard of you."
Amy & Jesus:
The signature look dress looked amazing on TV, but looks like cheap garbage in this photo. I love the idea of it and I'd love to see what this dress could look like without a time constraint. And I don't know, maybe I'm alone on this but the Look for Less outfit looks like Jasmine ditched her whole new world to go live at a brothel. Yes? I don't like these pants. Maybe it works on a size 0, but anything else just makes us feel like we're wearing MC Hammer's fat pants. ALSO, I can't for the life of me remember who they are "inspired" by for their Look for Less. So that's a fail too. (Just looked it up... this is Ping & Jesse's look. Um. Sure it is.)
Janeane & Ben:
OMG! THOSE SHOES ON THE LOOK FOR LESS WERE NOT THOUGHTFULLY PICKED OUT FROM THE BLUEFLY WALL! AHHHH! My eyes! My eyes! (YEECH.)
Overall for both of these outfits, I give them a solid: "Meh." I don't see any of these looks so far going in a Ripley's Museum much less the MET. Not overwhelmed or excited by either piece. Meh.
Anna & Emilio:
WHY does the model in the signature piece look stumpy? WHY? Is it the angle of the photo? But honestly, I don't want to buy an expensive outfit that I can't have people look at me from a certain angle. That's bullshit! (Yep, really like that word...) The second dress is cute. Too me it's very resort-ish. But again, I really can't remember/see who they are inspired by here. And I'm too lazy to scroll up. (I't s 3:52am. Cut me a break...)
JAY & MAYA:
LOVE. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. HEART. ADORE. SMOOCHES.
The top dress is just exquisite. I love it. And the Look for Less is also pretty amazing. I'd wear both of them!
Jay professes that he didn't slack at all with the safety of immunity. Maya tells us that she really could see the signature piece in a museum. AGREED. Out of all the pieces, this one I can see behind glass with a card on it saying which Hollywood or political elite wore it. I like Maya. She really listened and executed the challenge. So it's only fair that she NOT WIN this challenge, right???
Also, Maya lets us know that the Look for Less dress cost $46. Michael points out that it looks better than the look that inspired it (which cost $500). HOW DID MAYA NOT WIN THIS!? Grrr....
MILA & JONATHAN:
Yawn! I really feel like I've SEEN that jacket/pants outfit before. I don't feel like I just saw something new. AND can we just have an instant disqualification for anyone who makes babydoll dresses anymore? HMMM? Can I get an "amen"?
The judges go out of their minds over this jacket. I don't understand. I get that its separates and that's awesome, but come on. It's a jacket with webbed armpits. Why are we celebrating this? I spent the better part of the 90's eradicating this look from my closet. Don't bring it back. It makes my pits feel fat.
ALSO, the judges think the model who wore the evening jacket outfit was the strongest of the week. WHAT?!?!? I know what something looks like in person vs. what something looks like on TV can differ. But on TV, I'm sorry, she's weak. AND SHE NEEDS TO EAT A FREAKIN' FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG! I have coupons! I'll buy you that sandwich! (And we can invite Kojii from last season to come with us. I still owe her that sandwich...)
So the winner... is MAYA. For that dumb ass jacket. YES, it's constructed well and yes, its fashionable. But that baby doll dress is a nightmare and Maya JUST MADE A JACKET. Poor Jonathan. Not fair. Totally screwed. BOOOOOOO! I issue my formal complaint in the form of, "Booooooo!"
ANTHONY & SETH AARON:
As much as I heart Anthony, these dresses are hot messes of yuck. The top dress looks like what Scarlett O'Hara would wear if widowed and suspiciously pregnant and HAD to make an appearance to a "Big Bird Ball." And the bottom dress.... I mean, I love vintage and all that. I'm a biddy. But you wouldn't catch me in that thing. Plus, this model doesn't really sell it. (BUT I know how hard it is to wear a piece of crap and "own" that look - it's not as easy as it looks, folks!)
Anthony says Dior's silhouette was their inspiration for the Civil War Big Bird Dress. (Representatives of Dior are fashioning a letter to Anthony saying: "Thank you for your credit, but please, don't bring us into your disaster.")
Kors sums it up with: "It looks like I'm at a cotillion from hell." Anthony asks the judges what they would have done. Matthew tells him, "We can't design for you." Um.... the dress is made, you can offer ideas at this point for them to learn from. (I knew Matthew was no good!)
The boys don't do a good job defending their lacey get-up either. BUT they stand together in their disasters and nobody throws anybody under a bus. That was refreshing to see and made their bickering seem adorable and cute in hindsight. Awwwwww.......
PING & JESSE:
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. What you can't see here on the signature look is that the cloth is all just haphazardly tacked onto the back and the model HAS to hold the folds of cloth or she'll trip. Or look like she's poohing fabric.
Kors HATES it. Jesse says that he had a hard time because he had to teach sewing lessons to Ping while working. The model, Megan, for the Look for Less pipes up and backs up Jesse by saying that Ping, as team leader, never fit her in this nightmare... ahem, dress. Ping takes all the criticism gracefully and you can see her soul wilting. Poor Ping.
AUF'D: Ping... It had to happen. She was drowning and to let her continue would be mean. I'm glad she was let go so she can just go learn how to sew and be Ping. Whatever that means...
And in the world of MODELS OF THE RUNWAY...
The models tell Megan that her talking on the runway will most likely cost her a spot on the runway next week. Brandise panics that since Ping is out, but is pretty confident that she'll get picked by someone else. (She is correct!)
But not everybody is sure of their safety on the runway...
"This IS my happy face."
Sophia, Sophia, Sophia. You bring shame to such an awesome biddy name. Apparently girlfriend has a fierce walk and fierce allergies to boot. She's allergic to hairspray. ALLERGIC. Guess what, Sophia? Once I learned that I got carsick after 20 minutes, I stopped wanting to be an astronaut. Okay? Savvy? Jesus also called her out as just being cranky and difficult to work with in general. So off Sophia goes to work on her frown lines. (Seriously, lighten up, lady!)
Again, sorry this blog was late. Life and work beckon this season unlike the last. It's now 4:27am. I am going to bed. Please forgive the typos and anything else that you don't like. Oh and hey... not to beg but LEAVE A COMMENT. We used to have upwards of 50+ comments. COME ON PEOPLE! Help a biddy out. :)
Until next time, make it work!