I wish I could say that I was out all night partying up a storm with a-list celebs, got home at 3:30 when the limo dropped me off and that I went straight to bed in my party dress - wrinkles be damned! Alas and alack, that would be an outright (yet fabulous) lie. The truth is that I started doing my taxes yesterday and despite taking out the most I can in my paycheck, I seem to owe $3000.
Many things went through my head as I started at the red numbers at the top of the screen. They are as follows:
1) WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? I make less than I did in 2000, and am paying more! WTF?!
2) Maybe I made a mistake?
2a) Realize I'm perfect and never make mistakes, ergo continue with full blown panic.
3) OMG, I'm going to throw up.
4) Is my computer game of Crazy Train still loaded?
4a) YES IT IS!
5) Bailey's is goooooooooooooooooooooood.
5a) Slkjfdkls dsldkfjsdl fsl sld9ew03. (*hic*)
6) Angered fists of fury aimed at the f*cking man!
7) Write letter of apology for angered fists, I'd like to not get audited, thank you very much.
8) Rip up letter while giggling at all the four letter words used as adjectives. Tee hee!
9) WHY DON'T I HAVE KAHLUA IN THE HOUSE AND WHY DIDN'T I MAKE ICE CUBES?!
10.) No really, I'm going to throw up.
So after many games of Crazy Train (THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE, AMY!) and nose kisses from Matilda (she's very good at those and always has plenty to offer because she hopes it will brainwash me into giving her more food), I did the mature thing and shut off my computer and pouted. Then I angry texted. Then I snuggled with a slightly discontent dog who realized that she wasn't getting any food.
Granted, I still have some deductions to enter, but not a lot. And even though I can afford to pay them (THANK YOU BABY THOR!) it means that I have a lot of sacrifices to deal with to make up for it during the year. Thank goodness for Netflix.
So I should now get back to the task of my taxes. I hope that I have a happy update to post later stating that somehow, even though I'm 100% perfect all the time (just like Mary Poppins!), I've made a mistake or that my tax program is color blind and actually meant for my red numbers to be green numbers. Yeah. I'm gonna go put that up on my Secret "visualization board" now.
Or maybe I'll just take a nap. After a shot of Bailey's. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.