Sunday, March 29, 2009

Taxes = Frustration

7:30am.  Sunday.  I shouldn't be awake.  Especially since I went to sleep at around 3:30am.  

I wish I could say that I was out all night partying up a storm with a-list celebs, got home at 3:30 when the limo dropped me off and that I went straight to bed in my party dress - wrinkles be damned!  Alas and alack, that would be an outright (yet fabulous) lie.  The truth is that I started doing my taxes yesterday and despite taking out the most I can in my paycheck, I seem to owe $3000.

Many things went through my head as I started at the red numbers at the top of the screen.  They are as follows:

1)  WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?  I make less than I did in 2000, and am paying more!  WTF?!
2)  Maybe I made a mistake? 
2a)  Realize I'm perfect and never make mistakes, ergo continue with full blown panic.
3)  OMG, I'm going to throw up.  
4)  Is my computer game of Crazy Train still loaded?
4a)  YES IT IS!  
5)  Bailey's is goooooooooooooooooooooood.
5a)  Slkjfdkls dsldkfjsdl fsl sld9ew03.  (*hic*)
6)  Angered fists of fury aimed at the f*cking man!
7)  Write letter of apology for angered fists, I'd like to not get audited, thank you very much.
8)  Rip up letter while giggling at all the four letter words used as adjectives.  Tee hee!
10.)  No really, I'm going to throw up.

So after many games of Crazy Train (THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE, AMY!) and nose kisses from Matilda (she's very good at those and always has plenty to offer because she hopes it will brainwash me into giving her more food), I did the mature thing and shut off my computer and pouted.  Then I angry texted.  Then I snuggled with a slightly discontent dog who realized that she wasn't getting any food.  


Granted, I still have some deductions to enter, but not a lot.  And even though I can afford to pay them (THANK YOU BABY THOR!) it means that I have a lot of sacrifices to deal with to make up for it during the year.  Thank goodness for Netflix.  

So I should now get back to the task of my taxes.  I hope that I have a happy update to post later stating that somehow, even though I'm 100% perfect all the time (just like Mary Poppins!), I've made a mistake or that my tax program is color blind and actually meant for my red numbers to be green numbers.  Yeah.  I'm gonna go put that up on my Secret "visualization board" now.  

Or maybe I'll just take a nap.  After a shot of Bailey's.  Zzzzzzzzzzzz.


  1. Oh, man. That sucks. I'm so sorry :-( I had a year kind of like that once (owed way more than I expected), and I remember the sinking feeling as I saw the number. Though it seems like something must be wrong if you're withholding as much as you can from your paycheck and still owing (unless you have substantial income from other sources)...

  2. I know! I need to check with accounting on Monday ASAP.

  3. Instead of drinking, just come up with an elaborate conspiracy theory! For example, since you're using a computer to do you taxes, the government could be monitoring you and altering your info so they can make more money to give to AIG. Ha! They could be like, "On line 27, I think Jennifer meant $200,000 and not $20,000." ;)

    I thought I was going to get a nice refund this year, but I only got $47 back. Meh.


  4. You using Turbo Tax?

    I do. TT doesn't always find your deductions! It doesn't know ALL the questions to ask. One year I owed and paid $1800 bucks (sad fists).

    Then I read up on deductions online, and double checked with a tax dude to make sure those were real and true dealies, and sure enough, I found a way to enter those deductions! Now I only pay about $300-$600 per year (semi-happy fists!).

    You'd be surprised at all you can actually deduct (standard deduction for your work-related car use, home office?, printer ink, internet service [divided by use for work], cel phone, rent for your apt [divided by the square footage you use for home office], PG@E for the apt, work-related magazine subscriptions, union dues, dry-cleaning for work clothes [ie, laundry detergent for hoodies], kleenex for crying over your job, etc etc).

    If you spent it on your job, it's deductible...IF you have records for it (so Matilda doesn't get audited for doing your taxes for you).

    Good luck!

  5. If it makes you feel any better, I've had to pay every year since I turned 18. Even when I was a full-time student with no income, somehow I still owed the government money.

    And I didn't get any stimulus money last year! Apparently my measly salary was too much to qualify. Yet my brother who made well over 5 times as much as me got the full amount.
    go figure!

    I think its all just a big conspiracy!

  6. Don't listen to person above who told you not to drink. That's just madness. I love Kahlua, it's like candy. And I think a drink is definitely in order after you realize you're out 3,000 dollars.

    PS - I like how you pray to the baby Thor. I like the newborn baby version of Thor the best, with his golden fleece diapers and his tiny little balled up fists, with his little baby hammer.

  7. I feel like most people I'm talking to are having to pay or getting very little back. My sister recommended that I pay quarterly, which I think I might start doing as this is a pain in the butt.

    And I could never give up Kahlua or Bailey's. I'm a light weight, so it's just my speed and OH SO TASTY!

    Baby Thor is my favorite. Followed by teenage Zeus and tween Athena.

  8. We started paying quarterly last year and it sucked, but it did work out so we got a tiny refund (instead of owing a large sum like last year). Probably worth it. Also, and this comes with the huge disclaimer that I am far from an expert on this (we hire someone to do our taxes), I believe you can end up having to pay penalties if you underpay (i.e. end up having to pay at the end of the year) substantially two years in a row.

  9. I am re-doing my taxes again this week to make sure, but if it makes you feel any better, I owe $8600....yep you read that right. I had a lot of really strange income related things last year, so um YEAH. I'm a student and am barely making $$ and somehow I have to come up with that like real soon....good times.

  10. OH NO!!!!

    I hope there was a glitch and they owe YOU!

  11. Off topic - Did you see that Project Runway season 6 is actually going to air?



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