Last time on Project Runway:
* The show lets us know, "No REALLY, Heidi is a HUGE celebrity!"
(And not just because she's HUGELY pregnant...)
* Maya quits the show due to being sick of me confusing her name with Mila's
(And fighting with Mila for flat iron time in the morning.)
* Anthony is the new Chris March
* Emilio is the new Kenley
(Don't you talk sass to my Tim Gunn!)
* IN: New Kenley (BOO!)
New Chris March (YAY!)
* OUT: Jonathan and model Cerri are auf'd
* The New Old Biddy has notes.
(As per usual...)
We open in the Atlas Apartments, Anthony is being delightful whilst next door Mila sadly straight irons her hair in somber silence. Oh how I miss the expresiionless, monotone non-banter Maya and Mila use to have:
Maya: "I'm really tired."
Mila: "Yeah. Me too."
Silence except for the sizzle of the flat irons...
Maya: "Your bangs look nice."
Mila: "Yeah. Me too."
Sigh. The good old days of last week...
On the runway at Parsons Heidi tells the designers that they are designing for her again. I KID! She tells them that this challenge will determine who is going to Fashion Week. (FINALLY!) She sends them to a tent, to which the designers find themselves at Ringling Brothers Circus. Their challenge is to "Create a runway look inspired by the circus." (I hope the BlueFly wall thoughtfully supplies the designers with big floppy red shoes...)
Cue the ringmaster and tons of acts that all perform at once, making the scene just look chaotic and unhinged as all three rings are combined into one. Shirtless tumblers (hubba hubba), clowns, motorcycles and whatnot fill the space with activity and skill that I know I can never accomplish. The best quote of the night, nay SERIES, is when a clown throws water on another clown, Anthony sincerely gasps: "All over your rhinestones!" Anthony, you really are the king of sound bites this season!
"Ta daaaaa! Now leave."
Tim comes back out and tells the designers they have 30 minutes to sketch and remember, this IS NOT A COSTUME. Then its off to Mood with $300 to shop. And guess what, kids? It's a 2-day challenge! HOORAY! (Considering they had to go to Coney Island, then to Mood, it had to be like 3pm or later when they got back to Parsons...)
Emilio (aka New Kenley due to his disdain for all of Tim Gunn's advice) is running his mouth about how great he is while in line at Mood, "I am banging them out!" (OH MY!) Then he states in the workroom: "Come hard or go home," and "You gotta come hard!" (Okay, maybe he's the New Vincent...?) Either way, Emilio is clearly the jerk of the season. BOOO EMILIO. You blow in a very non-plussing manner. (I need to work on my double entendres...)
Mila calls Emilio out on bragging about winning. UM... Mila. Babydoll. Honeybunny. We need to chat. (And by chat, I mean, I will do all the talking.) Do you not remember GLOATING as you walked into the green room after winning challenges to a couch full of pissed designers earlier this season? Hmmm? Do you remember that? In short: Pot, meet Kettle.
"Hi! Do you have a Facebook page?"
Sew sew sew.... And now for something unexpected. I am going to compliment the production company, Bunim/Murray. (I know. You might want to sit down.) This episode is actually... GOOD. There's story, there's character, there's a natural build in tension. And you know why? Because A) it's a 2 day challenge for a change! and B) with 5 people, the producers are finally able to narrow down the stories being told. (Okay, part B is a back-handed compliment...) But I'm into this episode. I have favorites and those I hate. PERFECT! Only took 12 episodes to get there, guys! (Oy.)
Moving on... Tim Gunn arrives for critiques!
Tim starts with Seth Aaron. SA says he was inspired by the ringmaster and shows Tim his plans for an over the top jacket and pants combo, "And I'm making a top hat," Tim urges him to remember: "NO costume."
Next is Emilio's Ego. He's using a black and white striped fabric very similar to SA's. He's making a gown and Tim reminds him that black and white isn't very circus-like. Don't forget color! Emilio whines like a 4-year-old and fights back, "I've never done black and white, Tim!" Tim gives him support and Emilio mocks him back to his face by imitating Tim's "encouragement fist." (That's my name for it anyway...)
"I encourage you!"
"I'll see your 'encouragement fist'
and raise you a 'douche bag fist.'"
Next is Anthony who I swear makes the word "Tim" into two syllables. "Hiiiiii, Tee-im." Yes? Anthony is making a blue gown (inspired by one of the acrobats costumes). He's the only one using blue as everyone else is using black, red, white and gold. He's still constructing the garment's overall look and Tim cautions him to "let his viscera rule" on what feels right and wrong. Anthony informs Tim that he's going to get a dictionary when he gets home so he can understand Tim better. HA!
Nobody said "viscera" was pretty,
Mila is next. She's going with a coat (which seems very Seth Aaron in style btw...) He gives her some tips on fabric choices and she is the exact opposite of Emilio and is actually gracious and seems appreciative of his counsel.
Jay tells Tim that he's mixing the ringleader with the clowns and is going for an exaggerated look. He wants it to look "bad bitch." Tim asks: "Is there such a thing as a good bitch?" Jay chirps: "I'm a good bitch!" And then he clicked his heels and said "There's no place like home." (Okay, that last bit didn't happen, but the bad bitch in me wished it had for humor's sake!)
Sew sew sew..... Midnight! Morning! More sewing!
Models come in and SA expresses doubt about Mila's super shiny outfit and Emilio realizes that TIM WAS RIGHT and he needs more color. Of course he doesn't say it this way, but that's what we all know happened.
After the models leave, Anthony comments on Jay's jacket: "Oh you're making a Michael Jackson coat!" Jay is horrified. And well he should be:
Mila: "I hope your model moonwalks
down the runway."
Lots of bites about how excited the designers are and how they have their eye on the prize. Seth Aaron is actually "butterflies in the stomach" nervous for the day.
Sew sew sew sew....
Anthony is having fitting problems with his model. The wings on the gown are too big. (I can hear your viscera screaming from here, Anthony!)
Sew sew sew.... panic and hope... sew sew sew....
RUNWAY TIME! Heidi greets them and lets them know that 2 of them will be auf'd. Only 3 are going to Fashion Week.
Anthony: "I hope my viscera doesn't make an appearance
on the runway or the floor..."
Guest judge, Cynthia Rowley:
"No, I'm not Sarah Jessica Parker.
Stop asking me that."
LET'S START THE SHOW!
SHAMONE! I mean, OMG, that's not pretty unless she's about to start up a Michael Jackson tribute marching band...
Heidi makes Jay take off the jacket and the comment about how the outfit without the jacket is a great ensemble that is beautifully made. True... BUT THAT JACKET!! AHHHH!
This is quite possibly the ugliest outfit of the season. And does anybody else see a bad parody of Ziggy Stardust in this garment? Am I alone on this?
"It's Rock-n-Roll Suicide to copy me."
Kors LIKES it and says it's not a costume. WHA----? Thank goodness, Nina isn't completely on board with this disaster. (PHEW! I was beginning to worry about my viscera's point of view....) Cynthia would like less collar and shine, but in general, "I like it."
Ugh. I don't get it...
I like this look... but where is the circus? I like the movement and the design. Wish the waist weren't so "got caught in my Spanx" looking though.
OH ANTHONY - stop apologizing for your look! That just tips them off that there are bigger problems.
Nina likes it from the waist up, but the waist down is a "snooze" and that it's poorly made. Kors wants to know the fabric type. He gets out of his seat and finds out it's POLYESTER, to which Kors comments: "She's like a big blue condom."
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! HORRIBLE! THOSE SHOES! THE DOTS! I'm having Moulin Rouge inspired panic attacks:
Kick your heels up, step in time!
OH wait... wrong musical.
He tells them it's five yards of fabric with polka dots for whimsy's sake. Heidi thinks the dress is absolutely stunning. (HUH?) Cynthia calls it "genius." (WHAT?) Kors calls it his favorite garment of the season. (ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME DAMN EPISODE?!) Nina thinks this dress speaks to women. Yes. Okay, agreed. It does speak to me. And it's telling me to run away or I'll die from consumption.
Needless to say, Emilio's ego now joins America in its fight against obesity... Sigh....
OMG. No. THIS is the ugliest outfit of the season. And it pains me to say it. But who wants to look like a member of Beetlejuice's bridal party? HMMM?
"It's a good look. C'mon!"
Seth Aaron says he designed off emotion with this look as he was soooo happy at the circus. So, SA, why did you design a straight jacket if you were so happy?
Heidi likes the look. Nina likes the drama and fantasy about it, but does call it out for being a bit costume-like. Cynthia likes that the outfit defies gravity as appreciates the circus theme/inspiration. Now for Kors: " I think the pants, we have crazy crotch. I think they might fit you better. That perhaps a gentleman might have something to fill the trouser out." (Wow, between the "big blue condom" remark and this, someone really has sausage on the brain today...) He goes on to say that the jacket is very strong and he appreciates that.
HOW HAS NOBODY POINTED OUT THAT GIRLFRIEND HAS NO HANDS??? BAH! Tailored extremely well, yes! But SHE HAS NO HANDS.
Then they ask everybody why they deserve to go to Fashion Week (dumb question) and who should go with them. SA picks Emilio and Jay to go to FW. Jay wants to go to FW w/ SA and tearfully mentions Anthony. Awwww! Mila wants to compete against Emilio and SA. Emilio picks the "strongest because he likes to compete with the best" and chooses SA and Mila. Anthony's viscera wants Emilio and Jay to join him at Fashion Week.
And now... the results!
Emilio... is going to Fashion Week. Sigh. I get it and his ego should provide some good entertainment for the finale. Okay. I'm on board. BUT OMG THAT DRESS IS JUST A TRASHY CAN CAN DRESS! BAH!
Seth Aaron... is going to Fashion Week! YAY! I love his stuff and his style. Just remember to give your girls hands, sweets!
Anthony... is auf'd. That makes me a sad panda, but I see why. I hope he continues to design!
That leaves Jay and Mila standing on the runway.
Mila ... is going to Fashion Week. AND so is Jay. But they are giving them the "Chris March" treatment and making them compete for the FW spot in two months based on their collections they bring back. UNFAIR! I hate that! PICK ONE! BOO!
But now this biddy is happy as next week is my favorite episode of each season... Tim Gunn visits the designers at home! I hope he says "egads" or something else equally as quaint and adorable this time around. Squeeeee!
MODELS OF THE RUNWAY:
Brittany and Brandise get along about as well as Republicans and Democrats do. Lame drama to fill in a half hour show about nothing. And not in that Seinfeld sort of nothing way...
On the runway, Seth Aaron sticks with Kristina. Mila stays with Brandise, Jay stays with Brittany, and Emilio... stays with Lorena. SO PREDICTABLE! This whole program could have been 30 seconds long. Ugh. Poor Monique is out. I thought she did a good job all season.
Back at the models' apartment, the show ends when the designers show up with champagne (and cider!) and they all toast their victory before all going their separate ways:
Here's to a great finale!
Or The New Old Biddy will ridicule us...
Bookmark and read Blogging Project Runway daily!
Keep track of the auction on the official Project Runway page!
And join the Save Season 8 of Project Runway page!
Until next week - MAKE IT WORK!