* Understand that I CAN NOT SEW. But I can use Febreze. So there's that....
* I have no time to watch the episodes, but I have time to be snarky about the final products that wander down the runway. Which leads us to the next rule...
* I am a comedian. Take nothing I say to heart/seriously. Just laugh, life is happier than way.
* My goal with this blog is to see how being blind to the challenges, judges, contestants, etc., affects my judgments. I'm interested to see if I like things that fans universally hate because they know the back-story and vice versa.
* Anything I DO find out about the show will be through my natural course of life on the interwebs via Twitter and Facebook. But I will not seek anything out or click on any articles. I will merely see headlines and comments. That's all. * If any of these guildelines give you hives, move along unless you have an EpiPen handy.
* (PS - excuse the formatting of the pictures as Blogger is still a hot mess. Or maybe I am. I'm willing to believe it might be a little of both. But mostly Blogger.)
Oh my............ looking at the runway this week and .............. what................. the...............BALLS?
"No guys. Balls are MY business. Srsly."
(PS - if you're going to Google "balls" make sure to put a qualifier in there. Like "Ball pit." Or something like that. Just a tip. Or just the tip... Ahem...)
Okay, I imagine these are all uniforms for some hip place I've never heard of or been to because of the following reasons:
* I am too old
* I am too unhip
* I like my balls, but I'm not serious enough about my balls
I don't even know how to rank these outfits. They are all odd. Some more so than others. Some more bland than others. Some just sent me into fits of giggles. FITS. Okay, let's just start........ and I'm giving the categories new names as this was hard to judge: "Not Totally Awful, Just Mostly MEH"
I hate elastic waistbands. HATE. Whenever I go on ModCloth.com and do the "Be The Buyer" I am always saying: STOP WITH THE ELASTIC WAIST. STOP IT. It looks.... bunchy. It looks like she....
"...Totally cinched it!"
The collar looks like it has a mind of its own. It overwhelms the outfit completely. Which is good because THAT ELASTIC WAIST. I just can't handle it... Plus the elastic gathering around the arms. Just stop it....
Is this an uniform for a bouncer at a gay club? I mean, "Balls are my business" printed ON HIS BALLS? And what is that big net about? (Although, I must admit that it seems about the right size for him to be able to chase and recapture his dignity with...) I don't get the back of the shirt. Why is there a nude spot? Honestly with that net, it just looks like he missed capturing a really big moth. MAYBE HE SHOULD GET BIGGER MOTH BALLS! HAHHAHAHA! Yes. Childish. I don't care.
"I love rayon!"
Never in a million years would I think this is a uniform, unless I was in a back alley Victoria's Secret. It looks...... trashy. It looks... cheap. It looks....... dull. But at least her moth hole (wow) is symmetrical. Onwards....
JAMS ARE NOT NOW OR EVER IN FASHION. I mean, look at the model's arms. I mean face. FACE. His face is saying, "This hurts my feelings." (But his arms are saying, "Let me hold you.") The shirt is fine but who cares, it's just another tank top. Hanes has been doing that for years. Jams. I can't get past the arms. I mean jams. JAMS. (ARMS! HUBBA HUBBA!) Next.
Wait........ this model looks HAPPY. Isn't that an instant disqualification? Again, this doesn't feel like anything I'd see and think, "This person works here. I should ask her where the bathroom is." Plus the skirt over the leggings just looks prudish, especially with so much skin showing in the top. It feels unbalanced. Like my emotions. (But don't worry about me, that blonde model's arms are my new happy place.........) And another... meh outfit for the bunch:
Is it me or is this a really boring runway? This outfit is so boring it hurts. It doesn't look classy. It doesn't look comfortable. Can you imagine having to wear short shorts EVERY DAY? I mean, they made Hooters waitresses wear pantyhose for a reason under those things... In short (literally), there's nothing wrong with this....... but there's not much great about it. Then there's this.......
Sure. Slap a name tag on this and it's really nice. But doesn't it look a lot like what the model wore last week? And I liked last week's better for a uniform actually! It looks fun yet professional:
"If I wear this dress each week, I'll win."
Ummmmm........................ one trick pony designer?
TOP CHOICES BASED ON THIS IS WHAT'S LEFT, GUYS:
While I wish the shorts were a little longer, I like this as an option for a uniform. It's modest yet sexy. It's professional, yet sexy. It looks like it's comfortable and functional. So this is my top choice for the women's uniform... and now for the guy's....
This looks like an outfit you go to work in! You can get it dirty! You can move around! This says, "Ask me where the bathroom is cuz I work here," outfit. I like the boots, I like the pants and the t-shirt with the "balls" (tee hee!) saying on the back. This just seems really stylish and well done. I could see the women wearing the same thing but with a fitted t-shirt. AND NOW THE.... AW HELL NAW outfit (aka "Auf'd"):
NO. BAD. TERRIBLE.
The black t-shirt goes around his middle like a truss and the suspenders are just WAY too over the top. Plus the words. OH THE WORDS. I get that it's trying to be in your face and edgy, but really, I just want him to keep his balls to himself and go into a different business.
Also, the net on the back just looks like he's in a really wimpy version of the Hunger Games.
"My arrows will find your balls and make them MY business."
Auf Wiedersehen zu Ihren Bällen!
And there we go, week #2 down. Still haven't watched an episode and didn't even see a thing about the show this week. So... how are you enjoying the blind episode reviews? Am I in the ballpark? (HAHHAHAA. I know! I know. I know....................)