Monday, March 23, 2009

An open letter from Jennifer...

Dear America,

OMG.  Get some thicker skin already!  JEEBUS.  Why do we freak out whenever anybody says anything that's not 100% politically correct?  Why?  Do you not have enough to do?  (If that's the case, I have a bathroom you can scrub to kill some time and a closet that really could use some alphabetical organization...)  So what that Obama said his bowling was on par with the Special Olympics athletes.  WHO CARES?!  Shouldn't that be a compliment?  I'd love to have a bowling score worthy of entering the Special Olympics.  I can't bowl over a 34.  I'M NOT KIDDING.  I can only assume that Special Olympic athletes are better than me.  Why is that wrong for me or Obama to say?  If he'd said, "You know Bobby Smith, that massive tard over on Main Street who lives with his mother the alcoholic?  Yeah, I bowl about as good as that drooling asshole."  Okay, get mad if he says that.  BUT HE DIDN'T.  So get the f*ck over it.

Can we all just agree that if something offends us, we'll just let it go?  For example, I do that every time I hear country music.  Or when I  see anything on Fox News.  Or whenever I see someone who has a really deep wedgie.  Or see a cake that's been ruined by coconut sprinkled all over it.  (BLECH.)   I just let it all go.  I don't start national movements.   I don't demand apologies.  I don't form groups and spend my day emailing the media.  I just say, "Ha, what an a-hole for being so ill-informed!" and move on with my small existence (and fabulously large ego).

But you know what... I'm going to go back on my statement from only a few sentences ago.  (Cuz I'm a stereo-typical woman.  Did that offend you??)  I'd actually like to start a national movement called "GET THE F*CK OVER IT DAY"!  It's a day where nobody is allowed to complain about anything.  It's a day where nobody is allowed to file any lawsuits for coffee that was too hot.  It's a day where nobody gives the finger for not turning right on red.  It's a day where Jesse Jackson isn't allowed to hold a press conference.  It's a day where all religions get along despite their differences.  (Finally, I can build that church to Thor!)  It's a day where, just for once, we all get along like the human beings we're supposed to be.  Faults, differences, wedgies and all.  We just love everybody.  

So what say you, America?  Earth Day started out as just one day, and now it's a lifestyle.  A positive lifestyle.  So let's start another!  Before we blow ourselves up... all over words that were given a hateful meaning that was never intended.  

Thor's speed,
Jennifer (Eolin)


21 comments:

  1. Amen! By the hammer of Thor, people need to lighten up. Oops, did I just use Thor's name in vain?

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  2. I declare tomorrow "GTFOI day"!


    With all the authority of a substitute teacher,
    ~Gina

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  3. Thor's Hammer is not offended. NOTHING can offend mighty Mjolnir! (You're a newold biddy? I'm an old comicbook nerdy).

    http://www.animationarchive.org/pics/mullinderbyz-big.jpg

    Check out that highly popular and respected sports cartoon. It hangs at the Kentucky Derby to this day. Who complains about it? Nobody. Makes as much fun of Suhthuhn Men as it does the colored boys who served them. As well as some horses.

    I'm with you, especially regarding the vexatious litigation screwing this country over. GTFOI day should last a month.

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  4. Amen, sister. Seriously. I hate people.

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  5. Ditto that!!
    I feel like GTFOI day will have to coincide with April Fools Day, so as not to offend people.. lol.

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  6. When I heard him say it I KNEW it would blow up. There are other things going on in the world so get over it.

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  7. "Can we all just agree that if something offends us, we'll just let it go? For example, I do that every time I hear country music."

    LOL, I couldn't agree more :)

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  8. Actually, if Obama had said 'hey, I'm a better bowler than that tard assmuch with the alcoholic mom' I might like him more. But I'm weird like that.

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  9. I'm all in on the official GTFOI Day. When is it? Today, can it be today?

    True Story: I was walking down the street few weekends back when I see a man in light brown khaki pants and what appears to be a blotch of mud on his inner thigh.

    I think to advise him, when I get closer and realize the 'mud' is also higher...wait...the 'mud' is coming from a...portal (shall we say).

    This man was enjoying his day, pleasantly pooping his pants as he meandered down the sidewalk.

    Who was I to ruin his day? And secondly, did I really want to enter into a dialogue with a man pooping his pants?

    So I walked on. Trusting in the universe that someone, at the right moment, at the right time, with the right amount of compassion would advise him of his pant's situation.

    GTFOI Day is on!

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  10. Hear Hear!! I can not agree with you more. Yeah I get offended some times, and I bitch about it...but to myself (or my loving husband who bitches about things too...but to me!!!).

    There are enough things to be bothered by as it is, we don't need to be searching for more!

    I'd love a day where we can just all get along. Let me know when to mark my calendar.

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  11. People bitched about that? How retarded!

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  12. haha, i like alia ;)

    and you don't need to build a church to Thor... you can just come to my temple. ;)

    z

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  13. Nothing cynical about you. And that's why I love ya. =)

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  14. My favorite lines were "Or see a cake that's been ruined by coconut sprinkled all over it." and "It's a day where Jesse Jackson isn't allowed to hold a press conference." Well said!

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  15. You made me literally LOL. Couldn't agree with you more. I even had to link/quote you on my tumblr.

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  16. I concur! GTFOID is a FANTASTIC idea! I'm in.

    ALL HAIL THOR!

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  17. If Obama wasn't such a fabulous point guard (thus proving his athleticism), I'd come down on him more for hating retards --- but even worse for being a terrible bowler.

    He needs bumpers, and no real man should!

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  18. Well, I wasn't totally butt hurt by it, but I was disappointed. I work in a group home and I am closely involved in the special olympics so I wasn't thrilled with his comments! I realize he wasn't really making fun of SO, but the context of what he said was still a little condescending like.. "even THOSE guys could beat me, I'm so bad" basically. So yeah, there's a little from someone that wasn't thrilled with his remarks!

    However, I don't regret my vote or renounce my support, just wish he would be more careful, I expect those kind of comments from previous leaders!

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  19. I can totally understand "disappointment." TOTALLY. You bring up a good point.

    Disappointment is a normal reaction. Calling for a national apology and holding press conferences to get attention is not.

    Thank you for commenting! :)

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