Project Runway - Season 7 - Episode 4 - "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?"

DISCLAIMER:

This blog is written by a complete fussbudget named Jennifer (Eolin).

She has been wearing the same hoodie for 5 days in a row.

Right now her idea of fashion is clean underwear.

Send help.

*****

Last week on Project Runway...

Teams of 2,

designers blue.

Ping and Jesse,

oh so messy.

Mila for the win,

and the auf for Pin(g).

Maya's was best,

But Kors is a pest,

cuz he loves a good jacket.

WHICH IS A COMPLETE F-ING RACKET!

And on Models of the Runway,

Sourpuss got sent away.

Oh Sophia, Sophia, Sophia.

I wouldn't want to be ya...

*****

SO here's the situation...  I've not watched the show yet.  I'm going to watch on mylifetime.com and blog while I watch?  Yes?  (You really have no choice in the matter.  I'm not sure why I asked like you could say 'no' and that would change things.)

Okay - here we go!  (I press "play" and then have to adjust the volume because it is TOO LOUD.  Oh my biddy ears and I've scared the kibble out of Matilda.....) 

Last week on PR... yada yada yada... OMG!  How original!  We start in the apartments with everyone getting ready!  What a new and different way to start the show!  Boo.  Anna is glad Ping is gone, as we all are.  Well said and no crap.  Now over in the men's apartment... and yes, there it is.  Jesus' "I'm going home but I think I can still win this" soundbite slot.  Okay.  Good job, Bumin Murray.  I should just jump straight to the end and save myself the time.  Right?  Grrr....

Over in the Logan/Baconless Kitchen, poor Jesse has to prove to the judges this week that he isn't a wingnut like Ping was and that last episode's disaster was indeed NOT at all his fault.  OH AND THEN HE GIVES A WINK TO CAMERA!  Oh hi, there, Jesse.  Aren't you fine in your aqua shirt and yellow pants?  (REALLY?  YELLOW PANTS?)  Oh well.  You had me at the wink, lost me at the pants.  (Tee hee!)  Can't win them all.

Maya and Mila are getting ready together.  I wonder if they borrowed the same black shoe polish to color their hair?  I KID!  Sorta.  Get some highlights!  Stop looking all "daughter from Beetlejuice" goth.  Wear some damn color already!

On the runway, Heidi is wearing her best "Bam Bam" dress (if Bam Bam from The Flintstones wore dresses) and tells the designers that she has ZERO useful information for them and sends them on their way.   Booooring..........

The designers meet Tim Gunn in the back room to get their challenge.  He delightfully introduces them to Lisa Walker, VP of Innovation for Campbell's soup.  (A soup company has an innovation department?  Really??  Is their department motto: "More noodles!") Tim tells the designers that they'll be designing the signature dress for The American Heart Association's Go Red for Women program.  They will be provided with Campbell's branded fabric.  (Yick?)  The dress MUST BE RED and the winning dress be worn at the gala during Fashion Week and the winning designer will accompany their muse.  

Okay, okay - not a bad challenge.  It makes sense with fashion week coming up and Valentine's day and all that bullshit.  (I said it!)   BUT it's episode 4 and they are making more dresses out of fabric.  I'm just saying.  We had all fabric last season (except for the newspaper challenge) and the burlap bag challenge was still technically fabric! C'mon!  Ring Dings, lima beans and  moth balls, GO!  

Heeey!  I'd make a nice hat, ya'll!

Tim tells the designers next that they will be designing for a very inspiring group of women.  Cue the insecure entrance of these"inspiring" women.  Lookit.  You (read: PRODUCERS) are building these women up for an entrance they can't make.  SO - reveal them, have the designers walk in and meet them.  SOMETHING. And how about an awesome bit of music for them to enter too?  THAT WAS THE LAMEST MUSIC CUE I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.   Damnit!  Having them shyly enter the room really sucks the energy out of the show.  K?  BAH!   

(WOW.  I've got my Bossy Boots on and apparently I'm wearing my Notes Neckerchief.  I have opinions!)

OH look, Amy has a bite about how excited she is.  Money on her dress winning.  (BUNIM MURRAY FOR SHAME!)

Tim continues (WOW this is a lot of set-up and talking) that the winning design will go into limited production and sold to benefit the American Heart Association.  

Clapping as a group has become a tired element of Project Runway.

Perhaps fist pumps for Season 8?

And now in a soundbite, Mila tells us that their models (aka "inspiring ladies") have been assigned to them.

Tim Gunn:  "HAHAHAHAA!  You're all screwed!  All of you!"

Mila goes on to say that working with these ladies makes her nervous but she's excited to work with a "real woman."  (Hey!  Models are real women!  There's just less to them...)

We find out that all these women have suffered from heart disease.  It's hard to believe that all these women have such a horrible disease - they all look so vibrant and healthy!  (YAY FOR THEM!) They tell their stories to their designers and it's awesome to hear about all they've SURVIVED.  They focus on the positive and keep moving on - love it!  (PS... for more info on the American Heart Association, please click here.)

They take 20 to sketch and then its off to Mood with a $100 budget!

Emilio:  "Did Janeane really just run by yelling, 'I have to get my boning'?"

Guy:  "Yes.  Yes she did."

Emilio:  "I am NOT volunteering for that."

Guy:  "...I will.  It's been a slow month."

Seth Aaron's look originally wore this look at the Rainbow Room circa 1988.

Fact:  It's not old enough to be a vintage look in 2010.

Fact:  Seriously dude.  The 80's are long gone.  Just get over it.

THANK YOU MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Back at Parsons...

Tim drops the bomb that it's a one-day challenge.  Ugh.  Really?  (Boy I've said "really" a  lot in this blog...)  I would think that the producers might give them 2 days so they can design/create something amazing since the winning look is going to Fashion Week!  Wouldn't you want the designers to have the best chance of doing something SO AMAZING that it advertises the show as being good???  I don't get it.  Am I alone here?  (Probably...)

Seth says this is the hardest challenge because models are size 4 or 6 (IN WHAT WORLD SETH?!?!  THE 80's???) and he can make those clothes with his eyes closed.  So this-- the "real size woman" challenge-- is hard for him.  HERE IS MY QUESTION:  Did none of these designers (past and present seasons being addressed as every season has THIS EXACT comment) ever design/sew an outfit for a friend who isn't a model? Most people aren't size 0 and 2 (or 4 or 6) and they still need clothes.  Maybe if the fashion industry would stop designing for tree branch sized women, clothes would look better on everybody. Because I'm a size 4 and BELIEVE YOU ME there are things I can't even wear which is--say it with me-- BULLSHIT!  If it only looks good on a size 0, you haven't done your job as a designer.  

Seth Aaron and his model "hug it out."

Okay... rant over... moving on....

Lots of sewing happening here...  blab blab blab... OH!  Jesse's model's name is Jennifer.  Oh my!  I'm flattered!  ;)

"Don't get any ideas, Jennifer (Eolin).

I'm even younger than Logan."

Sigh...

OH... here we go.  Now I know that Jesus is going home because Jesus' life story comes out.  We ONLY hear about their past when they are being cut.  I hate this.  (They do this on Models of the Runway too.) And odd that he leaves the bit about being a carpenter out.  I KID!  God.  Calm down.  Literally.

Okay... Emilio's soundbite about how now life is different after having met these women.  HAVE YOU NEVER MET SOMEONE WHO HAD AN ILLNESS BEFORE?!  Holy crap, I know (sadly) tons of people with illnesses and many who didn't make it through their illness and died WAY too young.  I get that what he's saying is sincere, but it feels produced because unless Emilio lives in a BioDome, you've met someone with a horrible illness.  I blame the producers on this trite story beat.  BOOOO.

4 hours remaining...

Sew sew sew...

OH MY.  Well I didn't see that coming.  Apparently neither did Janeane.  There's a bucket of water next to the ironing board and she dips her dress in it.  Questions:

1)  WHY THE F IS THERE A BUCKET OF WATER IN THE ROOM?

2)  WHY THE F IS IT NEXT TO THE IRONING BOARD?

3)  DOES ANYBODY KNOW IF THE STEAMER THAT "RUINED" JOHNNY'S DRESS LAST SEASON HAS AN ALIBI?

And seriously WHAT?  NO CRYING?  Lame...  There's even a bucket for your tears!

Janeane:  "I'm not going to cry over this."
Model: "No need.  I'll do it for you."

YAY!  TIM GUNN TIME!

He starts with Jesse...

OH dear.  Basically Jesse says: "She's fat so short of a girdle, I'm doing everything in my power to make her skinny." Booooo.  Tim tells him, "Without that jacket, I don't think you have much in terms of fashion."  Jesse jokes with him, "Stop telling me that!" To wit, Tim exclaims, "It's true!"  

Next up... Anna!  

Anna says something similar to Jesse (ugh) but then gets Tim's attention with the print graphic she's done on the chiffon (yes, chiffon?) that says "Campbell's" - it's very subtle and Tim seems surprised that he likes it and anything coming out of her mouth.

Next... Mila 

Tim likes the stars she's wrapping around the dress (I'm saving judgement for when it walks the runway).  He asks how it looks on her and she says: "She's a really tough fit."  BLARGH!  THANK GOODNESS Tim shuts her down, "Frankly, I'm GLAD we have the opportunity to to work with real women for just this reason."  Bango!

Next... Jesus

He tells Tim that his model wanted something fitted that shows cleavage to which Tim says: "You've done both!"  HA!  Tim then asks if she actually fits into the dress.  Jesus assures Tim she does.

One of my faves is next ... Maya!

She's making a great dress that has a sweetheart neckline that sweeps into a heart - very pretty!  She wants to make a handbag with the Campbell's logo fabric but doesn't know if she'll have time.  Tim urges her to make it.  I DO TOO!  I'd carry it!  (I love goofy fabric on purses.  I'm an old biddy that way...)

My next fave, Amy is next...

Amy explains that she wants to make sure the dress fits her model well AND makes the model happy.  She's highlighting her model's neck since there's a scar there that her model used to hide but is now proud of.  ROCK IT.  Of course you win.  What a great aspect to the dress!  (Plus Amy can sew and shizz.)

Next... Seth Aaron

Tim: "Seth Aaron, when did you go Greecian on us?"  Seth Aaron says: "2 hours ago."  (I really wished he had said, "I'm going to make her walk like an Egyptian."  Even though it would have made zero sense, it would have delighted me.)  Tim tells him that he likes it but its very unexpected coming from him.  Tim urges SA to not lose who he is as a designer.  (Meaning: "Add a red bandana or a red zipper!")

2 1/2 hours remaining...

Sew sew sew...

Seth Aaron starts his dress over basically based on Tim Gunn's words.  Emilo expresses concern for Anna's and Jay's train wrecks.  He points out nobody is done and everyone is in bad shape.  WHY WEREN'T THEY GIVEN TWO DAYS?!?  GRRRR!

Midnight!  Time to get in your (disco) pumpkin carriage...

RUNWAY DAY!

HAHHAHAHAAA!  OH man.  Anthony (aka Brown Sugar) is HILARIOUS.  He's saying that these poor women - not only have they survived heart disease, NOW they have to survive Nina and Michael Kors. BUWHAHAHAHHAA!  Oh man.  So true.  So true.  

In the workroom panic ensues.  I really feel badly for these designers.  They just didn't have enough time to really do what they wanted and I feel badly for the models.  They should be given amazing gowns!  Not just fabric that's been hastily sewn.  (Who wants to make a bet that had Ping been here she would have nailed some sort of draped outfit?)

Nothing is really happening here... just sewing.  Seth Aaron is going from Greecian to retro with his dress.  Which may work.  BUT THE OUTFIT HOMEBOY IS WEARING NOW DOES NOT:  

"I am so badass in plaid."

SETH AARON.  What are you?  Goth Howdy Doody?  

Howdy Doody: "Say, designers!  What time is it?  

It's Seth Aaron's a complete tool time!"

BAH!

Sewing sewing sewing...

Emilio calls Mila's dress a "flag for Thanksgiving."  WOW.  Stop with the fat jokes, Emilio.  We get it.  You're a size-ist.  Got it.  Moving on.

Seth Aaron is impressed with himself for pulling his model's dress out of his ass.  There's a fun image!

OH Jesus is confident.  That's good, because you're about to have a hell of a time.

Sewing sewing sewing...

Hey!  There was a shot of Ben!  I forgot he was still in the show!

Ben: "I'm still here.  I'm just safe this episode so nobody cares about me."

RUNWAY TIME!

OMG - what is Ben wearing for the runway show???

Ben: "I'm bringing bow ties back."

Speechless.  I'm just speechless.  Is it just me or is this the WORST dressed group of designers ever???  Bring back Uli!  Bring back Laura!  Bring back Carol Hannah!!  Louise!  WHERE IS AUSTIN SCARLETT WHEN YOU NEED HIM??!?!

"Suck it."

 Sigh...

Heidi introduces the judges:  Kors, Nina and Georgina Chapman, Designer and Co-Founder of Marchesa.

Georgina: "What happened to the Campbell's lady?"

Kors: "Ew.  Really?  She deals in soup.  Not fashion."

Georgina: "Says the man wearing the same outfit since 2002."

Kors: "NOT TRUE.  I wore white pants a few weeks back."

Georgina: "My mistake.  You're a fashion maverick."

SAFE!

JAY:

Meh?  Her top looks like an artichoke.  This is not a good look for any woman's boob area. Not a fan of this look.  Sorry. It's a miss.

JANEANE:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  WTF?  THIS IS HIDEOUS.  It looks like the tissues she stuffed her bra with are coming out at the top and that her slip is showing at the bottom.  BOOOO!  BAD!  WHY IS THIS SAFE?!?!  HORRIBLE!  MILK MAID ON CRACK! AHHHH!

JONATHAN:

Not as bad as the ones above but I don't think the red and maroon match.  The deep red is pretty but it clashes with the "Campbell's" brand color.  But it's a much better design than the disasters above it.  Again, I think if they had more time... or is it talent?  (BAM.  Remember folks, I can barely sew a button so my opinions are based on absolutely no abilities!  I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!)

SETH AARON:

YOU GO WITH YOUR BADSELF, HOWDY DOODY!  I do love this dress. First of all, his model is all but lit up in her eyes like the Rockefeller Square Christmas Tree.  RADIANT.  Truly radiant.  AND Seth Aaron, in my opinion, nailed a design that works for ANY SIZE.  I would absolutely wear this.  GOOD JOB!!!

EMILIO:

Well, he didn't reinvent the wheel with this dress but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fabric.  Love the polka dots sewn into it.  Love the sexiness.  But the pattern is a bit trite.  Then again, they only had one day.

BEN:

WOW.  The slit is super sexy!  When she walked down the runway, MAN.  Even I sat up and took notice and I could care less about other women's legs.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)  I don't dig the top part of the dress or the Wonder Woman belt, but KUDOS on going there with the slit.  RISKY in that awesome good way.  

ANTHONY:

I'm not sure...  I think an a-line would have looked better with the jacket.  I like how he used the Campbell's soup fabric and think its adorable.  But is it the skirt or the jacket that's throwing me off?  Maybe it's the jacket.... Yes.  The jacket.  Should have gone with a capelet (spelling?) or something like that.  Booo to the jacket.  Phew, glad I figured that out! (As are you, I'm sure...)

TOP 2

MAYA:

I like this!  I really think Maya is going to Fashion Week.  It's where my money is.  I love the thought that she put into this and she made shiny fabric work whereas a lot of designers did not.  The only thing clunky to me is the hem on the bottom.  But that could be the photograph.  Who knows...

Heidi loves that the dress is actually designed.  (Agreed!)  Nina sees the "heart" inspiration in the top of the dress and appreciates the effort she put into it.  And the judges (AS DO I!) love the Campbell's clutch!  SQUEEE!  Adorable!  

MILA:

I like this!  I would never wear it, but I like it and think it absolutely fit the challenge.  The judges love how fun the dress is and Heidi and Kors agree that the model rocked it down the runway and really pulled this look off very well.  YAY!  (I know how hard it is on that runway... yeeeps.)  

WINNER... AMY!

WOW.  Yes.  Winner.  LOOK AT THE MODEL'S FACE.  She is GLOWING. The dress moves so nicely with her and it looks comfortable to wear to a gala.  HOORAY!

The judges are obviously in love with it.  It's sophisticated, it moves beautifully and it's designed well.  Kors loved that it was elegant but modern and then gave a classy "thumbs up."  

BOTTOM 2

JESSE:

Hmmmm.  First:  WHO OKAYED THIS PICTURE FOR THE INTERWEB?  Give the girl a break.  I'm sure there was a frame where she didn't have that look on her face.  FOR SHAME, PRODUCERS!  This woman did you a favor by doing the show, do her a favor and let her look pretty, k?

Okay, back to the dress.  Granted, this is not great.  I like the waist on this - very slimming and chic.  (And HAHAA!  A pocket square... the Queer Eye gang would be so proud!)  But for real... Janeane's is WAY WORSE.  At least from my perspective watching it on my laptop computer screen.  Again, maybe in person things are way different - the judges can feel the vibe and see details that I can't.  BUT I DO NOT GET WHY JANEANE'S WAS SAFE AND THIS IS NOT.  BOOO.

Heidi says the dress is sweet but doesn't stand out enough.  Agreed.  Which should make it SAFE.  Kors continues with that he thinks its a little costume-like and like she should have a majorette's baton.  OUCH.  I still think it's better than Janeane's odd milk maid thing.

Nina doesn't think that his use of the brand was that creative.  THIS is true.  A pocket square pinned to look like a flower?  Not inventive.  

Georgina doesn't like the white waist, but I honestly love it!  I think its a smart pop of color and the sash lays very flat on the model and well, it cinches her perfectly!  Nina then says she loves the shape of the neckline and how it frames her face.  Kors tells Jesse that had he used a different fabric, something not so shiny, he would have been better off.  Savvy?  

ANNA:

HOLY MOLY THIS IS A HIDEOUS TRAIN WRECK.  Ugly.  All of it.  Especially that white fabric.  Do you know what it looks like to me?  Like the model got a bad tan and her tan lines don't match the dress's cut.  Seriously.  GROSS.

(And I see NO Campbell's logo fabric ANYWHERE!)

Nina points out that a racer-back dress is not pretty.  BOY HOWDY, it sure isn't unless you're a size 0.  It's the most unforgiving for any amount of back fat (BOY do I know).  Kors doesn't like how the cut makes her look broad on top.  Georgina says that it's just simply not an evening dress.  TRUE!  THIS IS ALL TRUE!  And yet... she and Janeane make it to next week...

AUF'D... JESUS:

Okay.  I'm gonna say it.  The problem with this look is that it makes the model look like a strung out hooker in Vegas.  HOWEVER... it's got WAY MORE invention than JANEANE'S F-ING MILK MAID DISASTERn OR ANNA'S UGLY TAN LINE DRESS.  BAH!  (Perhaps had her hair been styled in an up-do?  With it down and her worn out look on her face, she just looks beat up...)

However... the judges LOATHE this dress.  Kors says: "You took a checklist of everything that could turn tacky and combined it into one garment.  Tight red satin, that short, PLUS the built in straps."  Georgina tells Jesus that it's just too many elements.  Maybe take off the rhinestones and help the "eye" know where to go when looking at the dress as it'll be less busy.  Heidi tells him he has good construction skills but isn't so sure about his taste.  HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO YELL ABOUT JANEANE'S MILK MAID CRAP BAG???  That is not a tasteful look at ALL!  Given the choice between Jesus',  Janeane's or Anna's, I'd wear Jesus' in a HEARTBEAT.  (No pun intended...)  PISSED FISTS!

So off Jesus goes into the great beyond.  (Again, no pun intended...)  I think his auf'ing was WRONG.  I think there were bigger problems than him... but he's been in the bottom a lot so I think the judges made the decision that it's time for him to move along.  (Even though I thought he got boned on the burlap challenge too - it looked GOOD!  But "not enough burlap."  Blah blah blah.  These are obviously not Judges for Jesus.  I kid!  Seriously...)

Okay... that's it for now... I'll update this post with Models of the Runway later on... so make sure to check back.  AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CHATTER IN THE COMMENTS!  I love the talk so much.  Keep it up!  You make this biddy very happy!  

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Until next time... make it work!