Here we go!
"Moments before..." Okay - I hate this. I just saw the elimination, WHY do I need to see it again? This works if MOTR was on a different night than PR but when they are back to back, it's like watching a re-run of the (boring) crap I already just saw. This element of MOTR needs cleaning up. It pisses me off each week. (Oh sure, not hard to do...) Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...
Poor Britney. Jesus is kicked out of the party and she may join him even though she didn't DO ANYTHING wrong since they weren't even on the runway this week. THIS element of MOTR also bothers the living snot outta me. (Visual, yes??) HOW is it a competition if you don't compete? It's like having all the Olympians gather and they just pull names out of a hat for who gets the medals. GRRR!
Opening credits.... Heidi looks HORRIBLE on that dress. What's with the one boob flap?
Amy walks into the models' room and gets a hug from her model and all the other models who feel the need to kiss up to her. It's a little transparent, girls. Just saying. Little gross. Then Jesus floats in a cloud and Brittany gives him a hug. Then all the models pig-pile on and hug him too. Everybody is crying. My goodness.... this is a lot of emotion for just a few days of bonding! Brittany tells Jesus she loves him and there's more emotion and hugs...
I need to talk about a pet peeve: HOW do these people love each other after knowing each other for just a few days. PLEASE. Love is a lovely thing (HAHAH! PUN!) however, save it for when you MEAN IT. It's like Steve Carell's character in Anchorman, "I love lamp!" If you love everything and everybody, it has no power and zero meaning. It becomes an empty phrase. Save the love, girls. Take it from this biddy. She knows. (Oh dear, I'm talking in third person...)
Oh goodie - now Heidi gets to ask them empty questions since they didn't "compete" this week. Amy's model, who's name zipped past me and Lifetime's media player is being fussy, says that she thinks she's Amy's lucky charm. Then Cerri, who is Irish, says that Amy stole her lucky charms. HAHAHAHA! Irish humor. (I just found out a few weeks ago that I'm way more Irish than originally thought, so I'm trying to bond with "me people of green." Yes?)
Hmmm. Bad story producing here, folks. There have been numerous mentions of "did you have fun with the ladies?" but as viewers, we've not seen the models or the ladies in the same room yet. ALL those references should go AFTER Heidi tells us, "So you had the opportunity to coach the ladies how to walk." See? It's like hearing "Red Riding hood got eaten," (TEE HEE!) before knowing that there's a wolf in the story. SEE? Details like that help. AND PS - last season the girls taught the ladies how to walk so this is now a repeat-beat. I saw this LAST SEASON. (WOW. I am biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitchy today. MEOW!)
Zzzzzzzzz........................... wake me when it gets interesting. (You know, when they get a new producing company. I SAID IT.)
WAIT. WHAT? Did Heidi just say, "Do you want to spend more time with them? I thought it would be fun to exercise with them a little bit." OH YEAH. Good job. That's what every "regular sized" woman wants. To exercise with someone who weighs the same as my left leg. And as a viewer I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS! It doesn't let me see anything new about the girls, it doesn't advance story or plot or ANYTHING. It's merely filling time. PLUS: I am eating peanut butter with a spoon right now and do NOT need to be reminded as to what a slothy hag I have become! (Okay, this is a me problem....) But, am I alone here? Do you want to see everybody work out? Isn't that what "Biggest Loser" is for?
YAY for Amy's model, Kasey, being like: "WTF. Elimination is going to be totally unfair this week." BINGO.
Commercial break... and we're back!
Time to exercise. They are meeting Heidi's trainer, David Kirsch and the ladies. Off they go! (RIVETING television, ya'll. Riveting.)
They all meet in the park (so they can have an audience - awesome) and David says he'll teach them to squat and give them perky butts. (All of that sounds like personal problems to me...)
They are working out... this is seriously so boring that it's hard to not just want to click this program off and go stare at some paint drying...
Oh how nice - David is proud to be there with them. (WHY? Did they overcome some great obstacle to be there other than the subway?!? Yes, heart disease, but seriously, this is just produced and lame....) Okay, now they are all sitting down and talking. OMG - these ladies tell their heart-trauma stories and these are amazing stories but this just ISN'T the venue for these stories. AND OMG. O-M-G! You can't go from the models gushing about how they are going to live better lives and take life more seriously et al and then fade to them going to get their nails done. BUNIM MURRAY. Do you even THINK about story????? GRRRR!
Okay, in the nail place... OH dear. Oddly prodded question from Alexis (who has been pointed out by a friend of mine that she looks like an evil Cameron Diaz - true!) about "Do you think Sara is going home?" Okay, first of all... WHY? Brittany's designer went home, shouldn't you be worried about Brittany? And it's out of nowhere because its PRODUCED. Honestly... I hate this show!
Not-Cameron-Diaz goes on to say that Sara's been in the bottom two and that maybe they knew why she was. (Ooooh boy, girl couldn't remember what the producer told her to say, because you can tell she doesn't mean a word of it.)
Great... more empty talk about "who is going home?" UGH.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................
Commercial break... and back for elimination time. THANK GOODNESS. Although I just want to bust through to the end to find out... why is this a 10 minute segment????
Okay - models come out in their "Centerfold" slips... prizes are listed... YAWN.
Oooo... designers are picking different models... okay, that's interesting.... ish. Emilio rescues Brittany so she's not going home and I am going to SCREAM if Kasey goes home. She's my fave so far.... AND PHEW. Safe. Thanks, Janeane! But now Sara goes home... FOR NO REASON. PISSED FISTS!
This was a really empty episode, peeps. HORRIBLE. This show really should just be a 5 minute webisode online. It would drive up internet traffic for sure. Ugh. MOTR = epic fail.
Next week... a surprise photo shoot! Everybody thinks Alexis is a bitch. And Tim Gunn gets caught with his suit down in a steamy love triangle! No... but wouldn't that make it worth watching???
How to fix Models of the Runway
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“How Zee Hatley would produce MOTR if the Weinstein’s were smart enough to hire him to Executive Produce it.”
Overall you should think of the show as "PROJECT RUNWAY FROM THE MODELS’ POINT OF VIEW". Put a story producer on it (I'm available), and give them a dedicated camera crew (one extra camera to catch the action behind the curtain isn't going to break the budget), as opposed to how it seems to be shot now. Which is "hey, you, camera assistant. That camera's not working, here's your chance, grab it and shoot the models doing something."
DO NOT start with a replay of the elimination from the models' point of view.
DO start with the FITTING of the models from the episode of PR we just watched. It's an anemic segment of PR, and it's integral to why the models are(n't) being picked.
*NOTE -No one cares about the models sitting on a bar patio awkwardly talking in front of the camera. It feels forced and tends to be boring. Get rid of these segments entirely.*
Is there any excitement/drama behind the runway during the show? If so, show it! (it’s backstage at a runway show, of course there’s drama. 15 models with full bladders are sure to be bitchy!)
THEN we get to the elimination of designer (briefly!), THEN model kickball.
Model Kickball has been better this season, because the designers decided to change it up (for the most part) but just in case they get fuddy duddy again, there should be rules for re-using models.
For the first four rounds all designers have to choose models they haven't used yet. Not just in the latest round, but at all. Except the winning designer who can pick anyone. After the fourth round designers can't pick their most recent model, unless they won. Two rounds before final, it becomes a free for all. Show some reasoning of why models are being picked or passed.
In short- Make it it’s own show, from the Model’s point of view OF THE SAME EVENTS WE JUST SAW FROM THE DESIGNERS’ POINTS OF VIEW.
Not Cameron Diaz bugs me SO MUCH!!
ReplyDeleteWas she the one who said her religion was "witchcraft, but not black magic... white magic". Vomit. Learn your shit, woman. Seriously, had she just watched The Craft or something and decide she's a witch (not wicca, witchcraft).
And then today her words wriggled out of her mouth and fell into a pile as "well, she just, you know, already two times sarah was at the bottom two and was just wondering what you guys thought why she was" and "It does create me to be some bitch that everyone hates"
Seriously, she is the worst. SO DUMB and annoying. I just... i hate her face.
I can't stomach the actual show.
ReplyDeleteI only read the blogs because they are you and I will read anything you write.
But I would TOTALLY watch Zee's version of the show. Eolin, call those contacts you made at Seinfeld and MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
So how do we get Zee's version on the air? It would be so much better. I do think we need to see a lot more of the model fittings but I wouldn't be against making them do stupid human tricks for some quality entainment value either.
ReplyDeleteZEE'S VERSION DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE ON THE AIR!
ReplyDeleteUgh... people, HOW do we make this happen???
This show is awful but it's good for funny grumpy blogs.
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