Project Runway - Season 7 - Episode 7 - "Hard Wear & Tear"

GUIDELINES FOR READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* I am writing this blog while wearing black shorts, a purple wifebeater and a big robe

* I am NOT fashion forward

* In short... I am a dork.

***

2 weeks ago on Project Runway....

...There was an episode 2 weeks ago?

Oh right - kids!

Seth Aaron won with a hoodie.

Janeane lost with her cheap mall outfit.

***

Okay... I'm eating a brownie while I watch to (hopefully) maximize pleasure and minimize my fuss.  HAHAHAHAA!  Oh who are we kidding?  Unless I have chocolate in the form of an IV, I will continue to fuss and be bothered by everything around me.  I am a delight that way.

(PS - Just to give you an idea of my elements right now, the school next door to me has a patio and there are girls "practicing" to be cheerleaders.  I just heard the words "Ooooooh snap" wearily chanted to unenthusiastic clapping and stomping about 290483930 times in the last minute.  So obviously the brownie will be a failed yet delicious effort on my part to stay sane...)

Okay... watching!

Yada yada yada... opening credits... OH Pamela, you're already auf'd... always find it so sad to hear such confidence from people who are cut so early on.  Oh well...  

Here's Emilio in a soundbite that lets me know he either wins or loses this challenge.  And he's talking about how he's half-way to Bryant Park.  Producers, we already know that you had just about the entire cast show at Bryant Park, so all references to them wanting to make it there here on in are moot and stupid, because they ALL showed.  (See, my brownie is NOT working...)

A billion soundbites about "I'm in the top 10!"  It's episode 7.  Whoopeee.  Make it to top 5 then start squawking about it.  This is just filling time right now with emptiness.  I learned nothing about anybody.  Except that everybody wakes up in the morning.  Woo.

Mila talks about how she (doesn't) feel bad that so many women have gone home.  I really wonder if she is this conceited or if she's edited.  I really can't get a handle on her because she seems to smart to be this stupid.  Hmmm.

RUNWAY...  OH!  Heidi is just chock full of baby, isn't she?  (Stole that phrase from my bro-in-law as that's how we describe my sister right now, "That Sara, she's chock full of baby!"  She usually frowns at us while we immaturely giggle...)   Heidi reminds Seth Aaron that he has immunity to which he says "cool" as though she told him that he just contracted airborne herpes.  Did he not have his coffee?  Where's the enthusiasm for being in the top 10, Seth Aaron??  Did you not drink the "producers' brew" Kool-Aid?

(OMG... "Oh snap..." I don't know how much more of this cheerleader practice I can take...)

Useless use of Heidi... Useless soundbite from Jesse reiterating EVERYTHING that was just said without adding any opinion or story.  REALLY PRODUCERS?  Really.  

Designers are sent to see Tim Gunn and designer-to-be-named... And it's Michael Kors.  Of course.  Because they can't seem to get anybody on the show who isn't already tied to it.  GRR!  

MK tells them that they'll be shopping at a hardware store for their challenge.  SOMEBODY tell me how it's relevant for the designers to get this challenge A) from Michael Kors, B) in his SoHo store and C) why couldn't Heidi tell them this on the runway and save the show production time and costs?  HMMMM?  (Time for my third brownie... I'm not kidding and OH SNAP I AM GONNA KICK THE WALL CLAP CLAP STOMP STOMP!)

Amy is excited and Emilio is scared.  Okay - that's two soundbites from Emilio.  In or auf'd for sure.. we'll see.  Tim adds that they have to make an accessory.  SQUEE!  I love accessories!  (Still want the Campbell's clutch....)

Budget - $150 each.  35 minutes to shop.

Tim Gunn: "Raise your hands if you've been 
in a hardware store before.  Online doesn't count."

Hey look!  It's Ben in the picture above!  I forgot he was alive since we never see/hear from him. And I'm guessing since SA has immunity, he will get zero TV time this week.

Thank you NOT Mooooooooooood!


Back in the workroom, Tim let's them know this is a 1-day challenge (of course).

Tim Gunn:  "Listen, take it up with your union. 
 I just get paid to talk 
and wear the shit out of this suit."

Build build build...

Jay is using trashbags.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  Cheap way out of a challenge, dude.  Already I say "BOOOOO!"

Seth Aaron's airtime so far is him beating the crap outta some foil over his dress form:

Anybody else think that the word "collapsible" is in an 
unfortunate spot on this dress form?  Hmm?

COMMERCIAL BREAK... and time for another brownie... (Thank goodness they are Trader Joe's Guiltless Brownies that I made with Greek yogurt... not totally bad for you and YUMMY!  Oh and the "snap/clap" next door has finally stopped.  FINALLY.)

Build build build....

Emilio gives the most insightful soundbite about how hardware materials aren't for making clothes.  WHAT?!  REALLY!  I know what he's saying, but the way its placed in the show, Emilio sounds like he's brand new to Earth and learning about Earth life as he goes.  

HOLY MUD PIES!  IT'S A SOUNDBITE FROM BEN!  I had no idea that he even had a voice!  I thought he was perhaps a mute or a mime!  WOW!  There you are, Ben!  Welcome to the show.  

Oh look, Mila is color blocking in black and white.  Oh well, as long as she makes it work!

Bang bang pound build pound bang...

Why are we hearing Jay's story?  Is he out?  Or does he win?  Hmmmmmmm.....

Tim Gunn enters!

First Mila.  She tells Tim her look is mod (it's her thing) and that it's made primarily made out of paint tray liners and gaffer's tape.  She is making a wide cuff as her accessory.

Jesse!  (Who I swear said, "Jim!" instead of "Tim!" when he saw Sir Gunn standing next to him...)  Tim tells Jesse that his "Elizabethan mini" is looking like a school project.  Yeeks.  Jesse is doing a cap or hair piece for his accessory (which is cool cuz he rocked the flower in the little girl's hair a few weeks back.)

(The "snap/clap" girls are back next door.  [WOW, that doesn't sound good.]  They are now the "let's scream and giggle as loud as we can girls."  I don't have enough brownies for this....)

Emilio is next and he looks like he's making a Barbarella bathing suit.  He tells Tim though that it's a mini skirt. Maybe Emilio has taken the word "collapsible" on the dress form to heart and thinks that's the way things really work "down there" on the ladies??)  I dunno.  Personally, Emilio seems screwed.  Errr, "washered."  

Anthony hates what he has and Tim is impressed that Anthony is editing himself as his outfit looks "tortured."   

Next stop, Jay.  Tim is shocked: "We went to a hardware store to shop?  How did you make a pair of leather pants?"  Jay's witty and smug reaction: "Right?"  Tim loves the pants though despite the garbage bag as the fabric.  Then Tim asks a question about pants I don't think he's ever gone near: "How does she get in and out?"  (AHHAHAHAHHAHAAA!  OH man.  Sorry.  Sugar high from the brownies.  I can be a jerk.)  Jay tells Tim he'll have to sew them on her as they keep shrinking as he builds them.  (UM, YIKES!  A girl's worst fear!)  He's going to make a belt as an accessory as "she's gonna need it."  

Maya and her bangs are making an outfit out of cords.  But most importantly, she's created a beautiful necklace out of keys and screens.  (My neck aches just looking at it - I wonder how much it weighs??) She's then making a shift dress out of screen.  Tim is excited about this (he says in a monotone voice).  

Tim leaves them and sends in their models - Make it work!

Jay's model can not even get her FOOT in his pants.  (OMG, these models are so tiny to start with, did the pants even have an opening to begin with?!?)  Emilio is going to make a bathing suit because he is washered on time (HAHA - I delight me) and Jonathan is really thinking he won't finish.  PRODUCERS - WHY IS THIS A ONE DAY CHALLENGE??  The designers are scrambling (especially since they have to make an accessory as well) with their new textiles.  Producers, you are MEAN people.  You would have had better garments and story had you given them MORE TIME. 

Emilio worries that he doesn't have enough hardware to cover his 800 foot tall model, Holly.  Poor girl!

Commercial break...

Runway day - Everybody getting ready.  Maya and Mila drone in their monotone way about how excited they are to get back to fabric.  OH SHUT UP.  1 challenge w/out fabric.  It's not like you had to put a prom dress together out of thumbtacks last week.  SHUT UP.

Emilio makes me LAUGH - " It's a Project Runway first, you're all in the bottom 10."  HAHAHA!  Well done, Emilio.  Unlike your garment. (Ouch, I know...)

Oh look, there's AMY in the apartment!  Where's she been this whole episode?  Ohhh, she must be safe.  With Seth Aaron and Ben.  (My guesses before hitting the runway due to zero air time...)

Build, pound and bitch...

The models show up.  (I hope Holly has waxed!)

Hair & Makeup montage...

Emilio can't get the bikini to stay up and HELLO.  OMG.  Holly.  Lady, I am so sorry for you.  You are a brave woman and I salute you.  And I also want to take back the brownies I ate....

Soundbite from Jesse saying he'll defend his outfit all the way to the grave.  OHHHH NOOOOO.....

Commercial break.... RUNWAY!

OMG - there's no pic to post but swear to Brother Sewing Machines that Ben's wearing pink culottes.  I am not kidding.  WOW.

Judges - MK, NG, Isabel Toledo (who made a dress for Michelle Obama) and Stephen Webster, a jewelry designer.  Let's start the show! (And no, Lifetime has NOT supplied pics of the judges.  BOOO.)

(UM...watching the runway show and WHAT is with the cymbal crash between looks?  Did the editor get a new sound effect?  Yeesh!)

SAFE:

BEN:

WHAT?!  SAFE? This is so hideous and trite and WHO CARES.  If this were made out of fabric he would get called out as being dull and safe.  I see no innovation or thinking outside of the box here.  OMG.  Safe.  Really.  I give up...

(And please no offense to the model, but WHY do her eyes look like they are in separate time zones???  This is not a good look for her!)

JONATHAN:

I like this.  It's a little busy for my taste and somehow, this photograph makes his model's legs look super stumpy (HOW?! Is it the cut of the dress?  The angle?)  Although had this been in the top 3, I would not have minded a bit.  Good job, Jonathan! (Although where is the little clutch she had on the runway?  Her hands look empty, yes?)

AMY:

WHAT??? SAFE??!?  LOOK AT THE DESIGN!  The bodice is so intricate and I LOVE how she used the washers.  I love this and I love that its made out of sandpaper.  However... where's the accessory here?  Is it the flower type thing on the bodice?  The reason I don't know is because Amy had like zero airtime this week.  (PRODUCERS!  BAD!  BAD!)

SETH AARON:

Dude.  YOU ARE LUCKY YOU HAD IMMUNITY.  Because this is awful.  STRAIGHT UP AWFUL.  It looks cheap and "project" like.  And is your your accessory your initial on her neck?  WOW.  I applaud the effort (and also having seen your final runway show, I know you are super freakin' talented) but this is a miss. Maybe if it were a hoodie I'd have an easier job liking it.  Until then, I hope your model is able to repel bullets with her cuff.

TOP 2:

MILA:

I LOVE THIS.  I kinda can't stand Mila, but I love this.  Paint tray liners FTW.  Although the collar seems to be a little tight around Brandise or they just use unfortunate shots on the runway (where she looks to be in pain, but according to her Tweets, she assures us all that she's not).

I wish there were two cuffs though, not just the one as I think it's a cool feature to the dress design.  Would have LOVED to see some spats too!  

The guest judge (guy) loved that she gave something so stiff so much flow.  TEE HEE!  But true... she really did.

MAYA:

YES.  GORGEOUS.  Love the fit, love the jacket and LOVE THE ACCESSORY.  Plus the model is working this outfit.  She looks so comfortable and confident.  LOVE!

Kors loves the look head to toe.  He loves that she looked at normal pieces of hardware and saw them in an abnormal way. (I swear MK is the only person who can say "abnormal" in a compliment and get away with it...)  Heidi nails the real achievement of this look:  It doesn't look like it came out of a hardware store.  SO TRUE.   Maya really embraced the challenge and rocked it out - love it, lady!

WINNER!

JAY:

Hmmmmm.  Okay.  Love it but it's trash bags which lay flat like fabric.  I think this is GORGEOUS and should be in the top 2, but not the winner.  Maya and Mila actually used HARDWARE.  I do love the design of the belt though.  I mean, don't get me wrong, this is amazing.  But it could have been made with fabric just as easily.  I really think The Banger Sisters got ... say it with me... washered.  

Heidi loves it which makes sense because this outfit SCREAMS Heidi.  Kors talks admits that he never thought these were trashbags.  And then that's it.  Gushing over.  Wow.  That's it for the winner?  Hmmmmph.

BOTTOM 2:

EMILIO:

WOW.  Holly.  Lady, good job.  Way to own wearing nothing at all.

And HEY there, Emilio!  Look at you going to the Johnny from Season Six bag of tricks.  I like how you say you set out to do a bathing suit because everybody else would do a dress.  WOW!  Look at you lie so easily.  Did the steamer ruin your skirt?  That would have been a better excuse.  AND WHY NOT tell the truth?  "The washers cost more than I thought, I didn't have enough so I improvised."  Hmmm?

MK calls her out on looking cheesy.  YES.  She does.  (Plus one dip in a pool in that outfit and she's gonna need a tetanus shot.)  Heidi doesn't like how haphazardly the outfit looks put together since there is no pattern/design.  

AND WOW - what is with the attitude from Kors' eye roll when Isabel talks.  OOOOO - what happened behind the scenes that we didn't get to see?  PRODUCERS!  THAT IS WHAT MAKES COMPELLING TELEVISION!!!  

And um... accessory?   Hello?

ANTHONY:

BROWN SUGAR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?  This is awful.  Kors nails it by calling it a bad prom dress.  Yes.  Yes it is.  Nina calls it boring.  So agree.  The guy guest judge tells Anthony: "I think you went to the software store, not the hardware store." HA!

Um... and can we please know what the purple is made out of?   Where do you find THAT in a hardware store??

And what's the accessory?  Her belt?  Booooooooo.

AUF'D!

JESSE:

NO.  SORRY.  Ben's dress is way worse, as is Anthony's.  Granted, this is not anything I would wear, but it's at least a LOOK that A) COVERS HIS MODEL'S BODY, B) HAS AN ACCESSORY and C) shows some creativity on his part!  OMG!  REALLY!??!?!?  THIS LOOK IS AUF'D???  

Nina says it looks a little Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.  Guy judge (really, I can't be bothered to remember his name anymore) likes the look with her hair.  (YES, she's styled fab for the dress, great shoes too!)  Kors loves her hair and the headpiece but calls the dress a Hershey's Kiss/costume.  BUT he then says that the a-symmetry in the back and stitching are amazing.  SO WHY IS THIS LOOK OUT AND ANTHONY AND EMILIO LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER CHALLENGE?  WHY?  

Biddy angry.  Oooooh snap, Biddy smash!  

Bullshit.  All of it!

Next time on Project Runway:  Everybody is stressed out.  Seriously, that's it for the promo?  WTF?  I have zero idea what the challenge is.  BOOOOOOOOOOOO!  SMASH OH SNAP BROWNIE CLAP!

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY.... 

WHOA.  Emilio doesn't pick Holly????  He should be auf'd just for that.  SHE is the reason he wasn't auf'd because she OWNED that runway.  That's it, Emilio, you are officially an idiot.

YES!!  AMY TAKES HOLLY!  And Jesse's weird model (aka "Not Cameron Diaz") goes home.  Justice is served.  Phew.  Obviously... time for another brownie...

Next time on MOTR:  Another model goes home.  WOW!

*****

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