Hey. Why must you always arrive in the triple digits? It was so nice this past week. Slightly overcast and cool. Mmmmm. Then today feels like I'm suffocating in Satan's underpants. Not my underpants of choice to be in, Summer. NOT AT ALL!
SPF 900,
Jennifer (Eolin)
Dear National News Media,
Please figure out what is news, and what is not. Here are some examples for you: Iran elections = news. Hours of b-roll showing the exterior of UCLA Hospital while repeating the same 3 facts over and over = not news. California's budget crisis = news. Obama swatting a fly = not news.
Maybe you should sign up at the Learning Annex for some refresher courses?
Just the facts!
Jennifer (Eolin)
Jennifer (Eolin)
Dear Entitled Lady at the Bakery,
Just because you were there before me and my friend, does not mean you get to check out first. You ordered 394839043 things. My friend ordered 2 things. Her items were at the register when you elbowed her to the side to take your "rightful" position. Perhaps, if you made eye contact, you'd have seen that your items were A) not ready to be rung up and B) that there were other people around you. (And that your outfit was dumb looking. Just saying.)
Head on a swivel!
Jennifer (Eolin)
Jennifer (Eolin)
Dear Guy going the wrong way down a one-way street,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GOD! SERIOUSLY!?
Asshooooole!
Jennifer (Eolin)
Jennifer (Eolin)
Dear COBRA Health Insurance,
$304 a month. Bite me. (Which ironically, would then cost me an extra $50 to go to Urgent Care to get stitches.)
Venomously,
Jennifer (Eolin)
Dear Perez Hilton,
HAHAHHHAAA. 'Bout time. Enjoy being a nobody again.
Karma is a bitch!
Jennifer (Eolin)
Jennifer (Eolin)
I can't agree with you more about Perez. In his first video he made where he rants about how he was assaulted, he says something stupid like "my job is to talk about other people's drama, not my own drama." What a douche bag!!! He finally gets a teeny little taste of his own medicine and he whines like a bitch. He needs to grow a pair.
ReplyDeleteDid you see the spoof that Breckin Meyer made on Funny or Die? It's pretty good.
Dear Jennifer;
ReplyDeleteNotes are just short letters, but still do the same things.
And we, your delighted readers, aren't size queens at all.
So keep 'em short, just keep 'em coming.
(double entendres or meaningless pratter...you decide).
Can we add a couple finding out the sex of their baby to the "not news" category? Please send the Duggars back into oblivian where they belong!
ReplyDelete"Head on a swivel!". Hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: I need to go check out that Funny or Die video - ha!
ReplyDeleteMintzworks: Glad size doesn't matter.
Cyndi: YES! THANK YOU for that addition! Perfect!
HarryLIme67: :)