Living on a Budget (or: OMG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!)

"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"

-- John Barrymore

It's been a month and a half since I've joined the world of the unemployed. Because I left my job, I don't get unemployment benefits. (Maybe if I have 8 babies, the government will feel obliged to kick in for something?) I have to say zero income is pretty sobering. (Literally, who can afford to go out to drink when you have no money? ZING!)

As I was writing the above paragraph, I got a call from an agent in NYC who was doing me a favor (meaning, I wasn't signed with him cuz I hadn't gotten any work yet) to see if I could get my humor column syndicated or write for other magazines. "It hasn't been a good response, Jennifer," he said. "So we're going to have to close the book on this." I mustered a quiet, "Thank you for calling to let me know," and then hung up. I wanted to throw up, but I'm against throwing up, so thankfully that (disgustingly messy and stinky) activity was averted. (Plus I can't afford a new keyboard right now. Bonus! I just inadvertently saved money! Which is good since I just paid $609 to COBRA for health insurance. Paging Michael Moore!!)

And in what I'm calling "the best bad news ever" the pilot that I did for Oxygen will BE ON THE AIR! Happy fists! But I don't get paid for it! Pissy fists! The exposure will be great though since it will be national. And my family and friends who aren't in LA will get a chance to see me in action. And mayhaps more people will find my blog through it! I'll keep you posted on when it will air and if there are any future episodes... If I haven't died from starvation by that point. (HA! I kid! I can afford cereal and toast. Mostly. Is tap water a food group?)

I'm still working on my book.... slowly. Naps always seem just a bit more interesting and fruitful. As does rearranging my sock drawer, scrubbing the kitchen counter and cracking my knuckles and then commenting on the timbre of each crack to Matilda. (Who doesn't seem to care, but gives me nose kisses anyways out of pure pity.)

I'm working on my stand-up too... but scanning LOLDogs often seems like a better (and more hilarious) option.

F, kids. This new old biddy is a bit depressed.

The good thing is that I know it will pass. Everything does. That's the benefit of being a 30+1-mumble-something-year-old. Wisdom to know not sweat the small stuff (as best you can). Also, I have good friends and an awesome dog, which are what matter at the end of the day. Writing will get easier, I'll shake off the "disappointments" and find new things to be excited about. Life will go on!

"The only thing money gives you is the freedom to not worry about money."

--Johnny Carson

So until I find a paycheck (or a sugar daddy - takers??), I shall try to find my mojo so I can start writing again. I know that I have the talent to do it. I just need the positive energy. Maybe I'll find it after I take a nap...