Happy Holidays from The Tutorialists!

We're back!  New episodes all this week! Please enjoy (and share) the insanity. 

And for some STUPID reason, embedding isn't working on our latest Behind The Scenes episode.  Click HERE to see it! 

I call bullshit!

I went to vote today and there were no "I Voted" stickers being passed out this year. I'm sorry, but I love my badge that brags about my civic duty completion. I don't know, maybe it's the 8-year-old in me (not literally cuz ew) that really likes the sticker.  

My friend (and Tutorialists co-hort, Hannelore Williams) and I had a few things to say about the subject. Enjoy and go to our Facebook page to download your own sticker! 

Rent The Runway!

Last night I had the pleasure of going to Rent The Runway's party for Our Runway (a new section on their website that shows real people in their clothes vs. just models). I APPLAUD THIS. So my sister (who uses RTR a lot for events) and I ordered dresses (free of charge for the event), tarted up and sallied forth into the night. (It should be noted, I've not sallied forth in quite some time.)

This is the dress I ordered and wore, Missoni's "Lost At Sea" dress that rents for $175.

I eat air, but only organic air.

It should be noted, I did not look like this lady in that dress. Not even close. I feel that to wear this dress successfully, you must be a size 0/2 and be in AMAZING shape.  I'm a size 6, in okay shape and should have picked something else. Something without horizontal lines across the widest part of my hips (that aren't that wide but looked it straight on) and something that has some sort of bra/boob support. (Holy Fashion Tape, Tim Gunn!)

Here's what I looked like: 

Guh.

I know, it's not bad! But one of the reasons I don't like this dress on me at all is because ZOMG I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE. You see, there isn't a built in bra or any support there. NONE.  ZERO. So my boobs are all "wheeeeeeeeeeee!" and are heading off in their own directions. And not in that sexy "I'm running on the beach" sort of way.  More like in that, "Oh no the crazy lady down the street isn't wearing a bra again today, MY EYES ARE BURNING!" sort of way.  Thankfully, as I mentioned earlier, I had a pound of fashion tape with me. I was wrangled in within an inch of my life. But you can see how uncomfortable I am by the plastic smile on my face.

HOWEVER, that said, I would use Rent the Runway again in a HEARTBEAT. They have a million great dresses and their service is impeccable and easy. First, you pick the dress you want and you can get it in 2 sizes. Brilliant! Then you can even rent jewelry to go with it (although my necklace is from a very nice gentleman on the street last summer). And now that I think about it, I could have bought some of those free standing silicone boob cover thingy-ma-bobs. Yeah, that would have worked.  Bygones...  Anyhoo, when you're done, you put the dresses in a pre-paid envelope and ship it back. SO EASY IT'S STUPID.

So that was my quick detour into fashion. Today I'm back in jeans, boots, a tshirt and a knit military hat. Yeah...... maybe I should stick to pants......

"The Tutorialists" -- See the Worst Nose Job EVER

Yeah................. this: 

And the aftermath...

"The Tutorialists" - Episode 6: How To Steep Tea

Yeah........... sorry feminists.

The aftermath........ aka: Pam's revenge:

Catching Up With the Tutorialists

Here are this week's episodes of "The Tutorialists"! First up, our tutorial on how to update your Mac OS.  Next, our Behind The Scenes look at Pam and Shanae as they chat about their priorities in life and the production "value" (ahem) of their webseries.  Enjoy!

Not Gonna Lie.... It's Been A Rough Year

Oy.

This has been an exceptionally hard year.  What can go wrong HAS gone wrong. So naturally, I turned it into a comedy set. (You know, so I can write off my ER bills on my taxes as a job expense...)

Enjoy!  

"The Tutorialists" - The Blooper Reel

My co-star/co-collaborator and co-all-around-awesome-girl, Hannelore Williams, and I have a BLAST doing "The Tutorialists" together! Please check out our silliness on our blooper/outtakes reel.  Enjoy at our expense!  

"The Tutorialists" - Episode 4: How to Remove Unsightly Arm Hair

Hi guys!  Sorry for the delay in this episode. I broke my elbow and couldn't come into work; ergo, unable to upload the episode.  But a week later, I'm back and so are "The Tutorialists."  Please check out our latest episode and enjoy!  Then groom yourself.  

"The Tutorialists" - Episode 3: How To Use WebMD.com

I think we've all been here once or a hundred times....

"The Tutorialists" - Behind The Scenes: Part 2

The Tutorialists - Episode 2: How to Piss Your Ex-Boyfriend Off On Facebook

THANK YOU for all the love you've given "The Tutorialists"! It means a lot as this is a passion project totally funded out of the coins we find in the bottom of our bags at the end of the day. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Episode 2 is up for your viewing pleasure! Enjoy and laugh! 

"The Tutorialists": Behind the Scenes - Part 1

Pam & Shanae shouldn't talk.  EVER.  

"The Tutorialists" - Episode 1: How To Fry An Egg

People.  It's been a good couple of weeks.  Stand up gigs are a'happenin'.  Click HERE for two stand-up dates for THIS SATURDAY, August 18th.  One gig at 5pm, the other at 10pm.  Yeah.  I've arrived.

Also a delight in my life right now is that my webseries, "The Tutorialists" with Hannelore Williams (who you will recognize as the "Apology Girl" from a recently released clip from Louis CK's show, "Louie") has launched and it is RIDICULOUS.  We love it.  It delights us.  Please take a look and if you like it, please pass it along. I'm sure there's someone in your life that could use a good tutorial on how to fry an egg. Especially me. Cuz I apparently still don't know. Watch and see!

Keep up with me on Twitter at @JenniferEolin (no longer @thenewoldbiddy - RIP) and on my fan page!

"The Tutorialists" Teaser is HERE!

I've been on a creative tear lately.  Stand-up and now a webseries.  (Well, one of 3... but that's another blog entry.)  Please welcome the teaser for my latest creative baby (made alongside the FABULOUS Hannelore Williams).  Ladies and gentlemen, "The Tutorialists" Teaser.  Enjoy!

Latest Stand-Up Set @ Gotham Comedy Club!

Hey there! So I'm happy to announce that I'm getting back into the stand-up routine thing. I like it. I think it likes me back.  

Please enjoy my latest set from Gotham's New Talent Showcase this past Wednesday, July 18th. I talk about my new status as a New Yorker and other silliness.  Enjoy!

You Don't Have To Look Far....

Sometimes I hate that my local bodega is far funnier (albeit unintentionally) than I can ever be.  Behold, their genius...

Obviously a nice perk to being Superman,
as I'm sure he's parched after leaping over buildings in a single bound.
I know I get thirsty after a stroll around the block.

Extra "icy" at no extra charge.

Stay tuned for more!

My First Black Eye (AKA: Why I Will Never Be A Spy)

There are many things in life that I know I will never be.  Here's a brief sample:

* Handyman

* Truck driver

* Really any blue collar job because I'm completely inept

* Really any job that has to do with money because math scares me

* Government spy

* Army person

* Tough person

* Any job that doesn't require crying

Okay, so that's just an overview of jobs I'm not qualified for, but I think you get the gist.  

Back to my black eye....

If you are new to my blog, you need to know that I have a 9-lbs Chihuahua named Maggie.  But now her name is "The Fist."  Why?  Cuz she head-punched me with her head this weekend and now I look like this:

WHAH!
(And where did those crows feet come from?  DAMMIT!)

Okay, shut up, I know it only looks like I went a little crazy with purple eye shadow but I assure you that THIS REALLY HURT(S) and was quite swollen last night upon impact. And what was that impact? Maggie jumped up as I bent over.  (TWSS.) 

For those of you who have never been punched by your dog (or as Lifetime Television calls it, "falling into a door knob,") this is what happens after your brain registers that you have indeed been domestically roughed up by your canine:

* Try not to cry

* Try not to throw up

* Make sure Maggie is okay

* Keep trying not to throw up

* See stars

* CRY FULL FORCE

* Ice my eye 

* CRY, WHIMPER, and TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR PAIN

I estimate the crying lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to 3 hours.  Give or take. I wasn't really keeping track.

So overall, this incident is just another notch in my "Delicate Daisy" belt.  But it did allow me to just instant message the following sentence to my friend: "Maggie basically fisted me with her head."  So... that's a win.

And by the way, I will now watch all movies and LAUGH when someone gets punched and then just pops back up like it "ain't no thing."  Cuz that's bullshit. Someday when I write/star/direct a film, I'll have a punching scene where everyone stops after one punch, cries, blogs and has tea.  THAT is much more realistic.

So I'll continue to not pursue a career as a top notch government spy and continue to be a Delicate Daisy.  After all, it seems to be what I'm naturally good at. 

The High Line, NYC

One of the best things about June in NYC is that it isn't completely balls ass hot yet.  (Classy right out of the gate, kids!) Last night, I played tourist in my own town and walked the High Line, which is an elevated park along the lower west side of Manhattan. I took a lot of pictures (because I'm on Instagram and I'm somewhat addicted, shut up) and wanted to share! Enjoy!

High Line Architecture

Looking down on traffic under the High Line

Projection on side of building, High Line

Twilight on the High Line

House peeping on the High Line

Perfect sign for the end of the day (42nd Street Subway Station)

My dog doesn't have a problem - WHY DO YOU ASK?

I don't expect the ASPCA to be calling me anytime soon.

Jennifer Eolin "Round-Up" - March 2012

I have so many topics that I want to blog about.  SO MANY.  But so little time.  Zero time.  I'm squeezing this blog post in between many, many, many tasks and panic attacks.  I keep thinking, "Okay, this month life will slow down."  I've been thinking this since about 2002.  And so far, it just keeps getting more hectic and crazy.  I long for how slow time went by as a kid.  I remember January lasted forever.  Now it's gone in ten minutes.  My calendar is full of stuff through June.  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?  I gotta start being less talented and popular.  (#FirstWorldProblems)

However, I have been able to find my "happy place" to retreat to every so often on the internet.  This spot lets me slow down and think, and I actually end up feeling refreshed.  What site?  Pinterest! (I know. Me and the whole world have claimed it as our happy place.)  It's a great way to file internet pages and ideas which appeals to my OCD impulses.  Feel free to follow me HERE.  I'm there a lot as it helps me think and it's just sooooooooo addictive.  MUST PIN ALL THE THINGS!

Let's see, what else is going on other than odd internet addictions?  I'm moving to a smaller/cheaper apartment next week so I'm going through ALL MY STUFF to figure out what's coming with me, what's going into storage and what's being donated/thrown away.  Who wants to do this for me?  Hmmm?  Volunteers?  

I'm doing stand-up again and that feels GREAT.  You can see me this Friday at the Metropolitan Room in NYC..  HERE is the invite - if you're in town, please come by!  

My dog, Maggie, continues to make my life wonderful.  I miss Matilda greatly, but Maggie has filled in wonderfully. And thankfully, her health is great, her mind is active and her personality is bat shit crazy goofy bonkers.  Just the way I like my dogs.

I'm sorry I'm not blogging more.  I miss my days writing about Project Runway.  I miss having time to sit and write. And I miss you guys!  

Hugs,

Jennifer