Sunday, May 15, 2011

Letters from Jennifer...

Dear NYC Pedestrians,

Well look at you out and about after a long winter's nap!  Welcome!  However, I have a few suggestions to make your journey into the world a bit easier for all of us.

1) Do not stroll!  Nothing is more annoying that the pedestrian who just lollygags along the sidewalk, meandering aimlessly on the sidewalk like a game of lazy Frogger. Get in a lane, adjust your mirrors and WALK.  If you want to stroll make like an elderly person and do laps at Macy's.  

2) Stop straddling lanes!  What are you, a Hummer?  (No, you're not!)  Just like the road, stay in your lane. Let me pass on the left without getting bodychecked, k?

3) NO texting!  Pull your ass over to text.  Duane Reade has a great awning you can stand under so you won't get a sunburn or rained on.  I'm not kidding, my toes are sore from your lack of navigation.

4) It's Springtime.  Put your f'ing Uggs in the closet, k?

Okay, I hope that was helpful for you.  I know it was helpful for me.  

Right of way,

PS - I'm really serious about the Uggs.  


Dear Mister Softee,

I inwardly giggle like a 12-year-old every time I see your truck.

Childishly yours,

PPS - I can be very childish.  
PPPPS - HAHAHHAHAHHAAAA!  Oh it doesn't get old.  No, trust me on that one.


Dear Allergies,

Please make like a pair of Uggs and make yourself scarce.

Achoo cough hack achoo,

PS - There's just not enough Flonase in the world to make you okay.
PPS - Zyrtec is like the new amateur hour.
PPPS - You make me hate flowers.
PPPPS - You make me unattractive.
PPPPPS - I need all the help I can get.
PPPPPPS - I'm not kidding.


  1. Oh how I've missed Letters from Jennifer!!! :)I also miss the "Robits" Hint Hint.

  2. Jaymes is correct on all points.

    Love the notes!!

  3. Jaymes805 - The Robots are now a thing of the past. The site I used to make them now charges AND got rid of the two voices I used as they ended up in Geico commercials. (Heavy, heavy sigh...)



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