Well look at you out and about after a long winter's nap! Welcome! However, I have a few suggestions to make your journey into the world a bit easier for all of us.
1) Do not stroll! Nothing is more annoying that the pedestrian who just lollygags along the sidewalk, meandering aimlessly on the sidewalk like a game of lazy Frogger. Get in a lane, adjust your mirrors and WALK. If you want to stroll make like an elderly person and do laps at Macy's.
2) Stop straddling lanes! What are you, a Hummer? (No, you're not!) Just like the road, stay in your lane. Let me pass on the left without getting bodychecked, k?
3) NO texting! Pull your ass over to text. Duane Reade has a great awning you can stand under so you won't get a sunburn or rained on. I'm not kidding, my toes are sore from your lack of navigation.
4) It's Springtime. Put your f'ing Uggs in the closet, k?
Okay, I hope that was helpful for you. I know it was helpful for me.
Right of way,
PS - I'm really serious about the Uggs.
Dear Mister Softee,
I inwardly giggle like a 12-year-old every time I see your truck.
PS - HAHAHAHAHAA! "Mister Softee!" HAHAHHAHAHAA!
PPS - I can be very childish.
PPPS - VERY.
PPPPS - HAHAHHAHAHHAAAA! Oh it doesn't get old. No, trust me on that one.
Please make like a pair of Uggs and make yourself scarce.
Achoo cough hack achoo,
PS - There's just not enough Flonase in the world to make you okay.
PPS - Zyrtec is like the new amateur hour.
PPPS - You make me hate flowers.
PPPPS - You make me unattractive.
PPPPPS - I need all the help I can get.
PPPPPPS - I'm not kidding.