GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:
* Jennifer is a complete fussbudget
* Do not take anything she says seriously
* She knows she can't even sew a button very well much less sew an entire outfit from scratch
* Despite all this, Jennifer has A LOT of opinions
* A LOT - as in 'tons'
* You've been warned
* You should also know that Jennifer has been single for almost a whole year
* This could explain her attitude
* OH and she just moved from LA to NYC, is working 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs and doesn't have cable OR internet in her apartment (yet)
* Good luck!
LAST TIME ON PROJECT RUNWAY:
It was Season 6.
It was in LA.
There was a lot of fabric.
The people were nice, the challenges were dull.
Pretty much, it sucked.
PS - I miss Logan.
PPS - I know he doesn't miss me.
PPPS - I'm not totally out of touch.
PPPPS - Yet.
UM... where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday I was just writing my (vitriol filled) blog for the (boring-ass) finale of Season 6 and now, WHAMMO! I have a whole new crop of people's names to memorize. UGH! Doesn't Lifetime Television know that I have more pressing things to do? (Like unpack my NYC apartment and find my FREAKING phone jack so I can finally have internet in said unpacked apartment. Shout out to my sister and brother-in-law for supporting my junkie-- ahem-- internet lifestyle. Yeah. Lifestyle. Shut up. Whatever. Let's move this party along...)
As always, we meet the designers as they show up to their NYC (take that LA!) apartments. But OMG, it's the same routine every season. People pick bedrooms, hug each other like they are long lost friends and predict their ultimate victory in the competition. YAWN. Somebody wake me up when they get to the first challenge. Because I also need to sleep through Tim Gunn's ingenuous (and it pains me to say that!!) greeting to the designers about how they are the best group ever, nobody's ever been as talented, yak yak yak. His 'Episode 1 Speech' is getting old. Let's be honest and have Sir Gunn say: "Designers, never before have I been so afraid of your lack of innovation and talent. I'm also scared and chagrined that Bunim Murray is still producing this show. I apologize to all of you. It's going to be a disaster. I hope you all have low expectations as I know I certainly do." Wouldn't that be a breath of fresh air?
"Broke a bobbin, step in time!
Need a glue gun, step in time!
Never need a thimble, sew a straight line,
Where's the steamer, step in time!"
And in another trite move, Heidi "Fertile Myrtle" Klum is pregnant with child #58384. (Or her fourth. Give or take.) Seriously this lady should stop making perfume, scrap her Pea in a Pod maternity line and whatever else she has in the works and just make conception kits. Right? ("Klum's Womb." That's my pitch for the product title. I'll start working on the storyboards for the commercials. I'm going to need a lot of pink...)
In Central Park, Tim Gunn issues the first challenge which is... can you guess? "Make whatever you like! Show us who you are as a designer!" Ahem-- BOOOOOOOO. There's a challenge I've only seen about 4546493045 times already. (Or four times. Give or take.) But wait, it gets better! They have a surprise textile... FABRIC! Gasp. Shock. Really. Fabric. Wow. Who knew.
The designers run around the park grabbing all kinds of fabric (thank you, Mood!) in a limited time frame. (And PS, the designers had the audacity to act surprised that they'd only have a few minutes for their grab fest. It's Season 7, not the pilot!!! Get with the program. Literally. Please.). After the designers grabbed what they could, they were only allowed to take 5 fabrics with them. Which they all had a cow about. Then it was back to Parsons for a bit of sewing and then the runway show.
"Designers, due to the dull nature of this episode,
Jennifer is just going to jump to the runway portion of show."
"I'm just the messenger, people!
Anybody who touch my suit dies. DIES!"
Well thank baby Calvin Klein, Kors and Nina are back for the WHOLE SEASON.
The biggest change and shock for Project Runway Season 7:
Michael Kors isn't wearing jeans.
And they got a super qualified guest judge, Nicole Ritchie:
"I don't drive the wrong way down highways anymore."
Okay - let's start the show!
This dress says: "I hate boobs" and "I'm lactating, but only on one side." WTH? The bodice is a mess. Love the fabric on the skirt. I could never wear it myself as A) OMG I'm too old, and B) OMG I'm too old.
To me, Ben is saying in his photo: "Your narrative has become tiresome. Now is the time on Sprockets when vee dance." Right?
His dress is...meh. Which means you're safe in Episode 1. I am not digging the horned shoulders or the color. To me it looks like Judy Jetson fell in a big ol' puddle of space mud.
This gal is the resident cry-baby this season. Just about every soundbite, she was crying. (AND PRODUCERS, can we PLEASE stop with the "Bryant Park will change my life" tear fest soundbites? As a layman in the fashion world, I've really not seen anybody except for Christian, Rami and Kayne moderately succeed. SO either do a "Where are they now" show to let us know Project Runway DOES make dreams come true or STFU).
Jeneane has self esteem issues and scraped her little black dress she was making and made this "outfit" in the last two hours of the challenge. Lucky girl its only episode 1. This outfit tells me that Janeane is boring and has no confidence in a clear vision. The only thing that makes this outfit at all interesting are the thoughtfully used Bluefly wall items (shoes and sunglasses). Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. But should be an interesting character to watch.
The "I'm not Malvin or Christian" of the season. Is it me or does PR casting have a "look" they always book? (Just like on elimiDATE we always casted a slut and a virgin in the same date - like that's a surprise.)
STOP WITH THE PUFFS OF FABRIC! WHY would you want a shower puff on your lady poof? WHY!? This doesn't give a very sexy message, btw. It basically says, "I'm not into maintenance." Bleh. Other than that, it's fine... ish.
YOU ARE NOT LOGAN.
(Although I enjoy that you dress up as Jack Sparrow. Meow.)
I like this! I think it appeals to my inner librarian. There are a lot of wrinkles in it as she moves which makes me wonder about the construction, but over wall, I enjoy. It just needs a tweed hoodie...
Hmmmmm. Do I like it? Is it too superhero on top? I think it would like it better without the silver embelishments on the boobage region. But I love the belt (even though that would be lost on me as I have NO waist to speak of) and the length is good too. And HELLO to Brandise, the model! Love you lady, as you're rocking the over 30 crowd on the runway. GOOD FOR YOU. You have my vote! I'll send you some calcium chews, gals our age need it! ;)
I WANT THIS JACKET RIGHT NOW. NOW. Send it to me. (I'm a sucker for outerwear and especially when the lining is awesome. I'm kinda easy that way but ONLY that way. Hmph.)
I like this look and agree with it being "safe." (Anybody else think that Mila could be Louise Black's mom??)
If I ever thought, "I'd like to look like an elderly Peptobismol," this would fit the bill. HOLY WINGS and WHAT IS THAT STYLING?! This model is pretty (from what I saw on Models of the Runway) so WHY would you do that to her???? However, the construction looks sound so maybe this is just a mis-step on Pamela's part. Ugh. HORRIBLE.
Hmmm. Okay. This is definitely a choice. It's not anything I would EVER wear (especially the "head of lettuce" headwrap) but it seems to be consistent with the challenge of "who are you as a designer." She showed what she likes to make: Bedsheets. Good for her pushing the envelope but if this is your design aesthetic, I won't be buying it.
The judges seemed vexed. Nicole loved it (big surprise). She's wearing a "Ping-like" outfit in her judge's chair.
BTW - I'm not able to access the show right now to get exactly what the judges said so please forgive me for not getting all the awesome Kors/Garcia action. BOOO to me. I'll do better next time....
What I wish you could see is the big red zipper down the back because while watching the episode with my sister and her hubby (they have cable and a TV!) we kept saying, "SO he's all about being a big red zipper?" So this "I'm not Wayne Newton" guy may get the nickname Red Zipper. I'm thinking on it and seeing what transpires next episode.
Judges loved how hip this dress was and it's obviously well constructed. The styling though.... BOOOO. I get the lipstick, as it goes with the Little Tokyo look of the dress but personally, I hate that look. And her hair. OMG. Dishwater dull. Someone get a box of Loreal color on this girl, stat!
And the first winner this week: EMILIO!
YES! AGREED! Beautiful and stylish and I WOULD BUY AND WEAR THIS. I love the color and the way he used the fabric. AND it looks as if its constructed expertly. YAY Emilio! I like it and you. Don't blow it, k?
BUT - I need to talk about something that I fear is a weakness amongst ALL the designers this year - STYLING THEIR MODELS. Emilio's model, while very pretty, has her hair pulled back so severely that she looks... manish? Not pretty? When I saw her on Models of the Runway I said, "OMG, she IS pretty! What did Emilio do to her??" So I hope this gets better. Stop making pretty girls look not pretty! STOP!
I don't think this is a bottom 3 look especially when there are there is Janeane's boring look and Pamela's Pepto Disaster. I actually like the fabric and I get the Asian influence that he was going for on the side, but it is a miss. BUT I would deem this "safe" and not a bottom 3.
I ADORE ANTHONY. He's glib, funny and you really want to be his friend. He was SO gracious on the runway, "I survived your words!" So adorable. And in Central Park he compared the frantic grab for fabric to "fat people at an open buffet." Um... I'm not fat and I LOVE ME AN OPEN BUFFET. So I was offended. Hmph. ;)
Hooray! He skinned a leather couch and made it into a dress! Possibly a good idea if the challenge were inspired by "The Sound of Music," but it wasn't, so it's a miss. It's a big "dragony" for me and the judges and Tim Gunn all hated that it was a long dress (there is a seam where he added dragon skin that is quite obvious on the runway that is hideous). BUT it looks very well made. I like the style of the dress and had he chosen a different fabric (like raccoon or yeti) maybe it would have looked better. Either way, Jesus is safe. Can I get a hallelujah?
But that brings us to our "aufing" of the week:
EPIC AGREE. This dress is so Blanche from the Golden Girls. HIDEOUS. It's the wrong era, it makes the model look matronly and it's just a miss. I always feel bad for the first to be auf'd as I can imagine the first challenge really is about getting your bearings and adapting to the time frame for the challenge. (As well as being in the presence of Tim Gunn! That would take me weeks to adjust to. WEEKS!) However I did take a peek at her website and wasn't blown away... so I'm thinking this may have been a smart auf'ing.
HOLY MOLY! Is this show over now? Yes, yes it is. I'm sorry it's not as detailed as Season 6 was. I'm "borrowing" internet time and actually working which really makes life BUSY. As time permits (and as the list of contestants gets smaller) it will be easier for me to go back to the regular blogs. But until then, I hope this will do.
Until next time, make it work!
Check out "Assignment: Jennifer!" from last season w/ models Kojii, Katie and Fatma!
OOPSIE! I forgot Maya!
And now I know why. I get my pics from www.projectrunway.com
and THEY forgot her too!
Thank goodness for Lifetime's site...
Ah, yes. Now I remember...
Although, it's the best use of it I've seen.
I'm just not all about the fabric pooh.
Especially considering if I wore that to dinner, I'm most certainly spill bacon in it.
(Yes. Bacon for dinner. Shut up.)
Hopefully she's not forgotten next week!
HELL'S BELLS. I the auction site (and me) also forgot Anna!
Dress was cute! Looked a little "nude" like on her blonde model
but it looked well constructed and I like the fabric choices.
COME ON www.projectrunway.com!
Don't let me down next week!