Project Runway - Season 7 - Episode 2 - "Designers in the Dell"

GUIDELINES TO READING JENNIFER (EOLIN'S) PROJECT RUNWAY BLOG:

* Jennifer (Eolin) is a jackass

* That is all.

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Last week on Project Runway:

Too many peeps,

And Seth Aaron gives me the creeps.

Emilio takes the win,

Cuz Christiane's was ugly as sin.

Ping is established as odd,

While Ben has Deiter's bod.

But thank goodness for Tim Gunn!

As without him this show I would shun.

And surprise surprise,

A model's demise.

Doing nothing wrong

Except sporting the losing sarong.

Oh Project Runway,

Sometimes you go astray.

Find your way,

Or fans will go away,

And we'll be left with "Launch My Line."

PS - I'd rather have flu made from swine.

MAKE IT WORK, DAMMIT!

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Gutten tag, readers!  Wow, episode 2 already?  Crazy!  But what's even crazier (like my transition?) is the open to the show:  Everybody getting ready in the apartments and being like, "I can't believe people are going home!"  PISSED FISTS!  I bitch about this every season, but now it's Season 7 and these conversations are SOOOOO TRITE.  Self-edit, producers!  Let them talk about it if they naturally talk about it, but don't include it in the show.  WOW!  I know.  Look, I feel your pain.  These dialogs are to you what that security blanket was to Linus from Peanuts.  I get it, but let it go. It's stinky and it's time to grow up.  You have to maintain your audience's perspective and understand what will bore them.  And right now, I feel like Marty McFly watching that episode of The Honeymooners in 1955 with his mom.  (OMG, am I from the future???  Squeee!)

And while I'm crabbing about things (cuz I'm sooooooo good at it!!), let's just say that I KNEW WHO WAS GOING HOME due to the "I'm going home" soundbite slot being filled by the auf'd designer talking about how she doesn't want to go home.  BOOOOOOOOOO!  COME ON!  I get that you need to make that losing character present in the narrative but STOP PHONING IT IN.  STOP IT.  Bad dog!  

(Grrr......... Taking a break for chocolate, Tylenol and tea.... and chocolate...)

Okay, I'm better.  Let's get catty!  First up... a field trip... LITERALLY!

"Not on a roof, step in time,

Stuck in mud, step in time!

Ugly black boots that cross the line,

Screw this noise, step in time!"

Tim Gunn:  "So 15 models walk into a bar and the bartender says,

'I'm sorry, but we don't serve models here,'

and the models say, 'But we come with lifetime warranties.'

See?  See what I did there?  Shut up, you do better.

I'm standing in a field.  It's either jokes or Xanax, people."

Tim Gunn: "Designers, the models will now

pick what designer they want to work with on this challenge.

Yes, Designers, I know this makes no sense.  

Welcome to the producing talents of Bunim-Murray."

The challenge:  Design an outfit for an industry party out of burlap bags.

Thank you, MOOOOOOOOD?

The models' craft service cart.

Tim Gunn:  "I'm concerned.  I'm not sure what about,

but something is amuck here besides the cow slop I'm standing in."

Tim Gunn: "I'd give my best suit for a cab right about now..."

WORK ROOM - they have until Midnight to complete the challenge...

Model: "Um... Amy?  I have a boob issue..."

Anna: "Jennifer forgot me last week, 

but I won't hold it against her.  Much."

Emilio: "THANK GOD FOR IMMUNITY."

Janeane: "Hold still, I'm drawing on some fat..."

Jesse: "But why is the rum gone?"

Jesus: (singing) "Meeee me meee.  Superstar.  

Do you think you are what they say you are?"

RUNWAY SHOW!

Heidi: "Do my feet look HUGE?  They feel huge..."

Guest judge, Lauren Hutton: "Invisiline is for wussies."

SAFE:

ANNA:

The print on the dress is made by a cut potato and ink.  Creative!

The design of the dress however, not creative.  YAWN.

Also, what's with the neckline?  Why is it crooked?

And HOW CRANKY is the poor model?

Maybe its because her slim figure looks like a dump truck in this dress.

ANTHONY:

Anthony had his work cut out for him as his model is CA-RAZY.

She wanted a million things and thankfully Anthony stayed true to his design aesthetic.

LOVE LOVE LOVE the color!  It doesn't look like burlap at all.  It looks LUSH.

I wish I could wear this, but alas, AARP has rules against this...

BEN:

JEAN SHORTS?!!!!!!!  Really, Deiter?!  JEAN SHORTS!??  AHHH!

I can't help you.  You're a lost cause.

And now the dress - is she pregnant?  Epic miss.

And WOW.  Why is this model always angry?  

I know she's not here to make friends (wha-wha)but seriously.  Smile.  Your skin won't crack...

EMILIO:

SWOON!  I LOVE THIS DRESS!  I WANT IT!!!!

So Emilio proves that immunity was not needed and that he's a designer to watch.

HOWEVER, I hope that he's capable of more and isn't a one trick applique pony.

(Remember Rami?  Drape drape drape...)

But can we talk, Holly?  What happens to you on the runway?

Are you not being styled correctly?  Or are you too intense?
Because you aren't coming off as charming as you seem on MOTR.

I'm just saying.

(AND I should state that I've not had time to watch MOTR yet this week,

so maybe you're a complete hag there.  Doubt it, but anything's possible.)

JANEANE:

Well let's start with something positive: Janeane didn't cry this episode!  HOORAY!

I'm not sure what I think about this dress.  It seems boring and safe.

Plus holy hips.  WTH?

And I don't like the "front bun" on her head.

Looks like her hair is having a bowel movement.  Not a fan.

JESSE:

UM...  Does someone look like LOGAN in that hat?  HMMMM?

Jesse, you're not Logan. Savvy?

But I do have to hand it to Jesse that this is the best looking pair of pants I've seen on PR in YEARS.

THANK YOU for not destroying her crotch.  (That's what she said!)

Kudos for making pants.  But overall, ick.  Sorry.  Not my cup of tea.

JONATHAN:

Hmmmm.  Burlap lingerie?

Not bad.  Not great.  Safe is exactly right.

At least, though, the dress fits her body.  Unlike some designers...

MAYA:

BOOOOOOO!  This is awful!  WTH?

Just a mismatch of color and design.  Nothing goes together.

I have no idea how this is safe.  NO IDEA.

SETH AARON:

Anybody else think that Seth Aaron may have a bromance going with Poison's front man, Bret Michaels?

But let's get to what really matters...  A HOODIE!

Oh sure, the rest looks like a lampshade and she should have been styled with fishnets ("It's a major award!").  But a hoodie!  Happy fists!!!

TOP 3:

AMY:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS DRESS!
First of all, it doesn't look like burlap even though its not dyed.

LOVE the movement of this garment and the design.

LOVE all of it.  I want it.  NOW.  RIGHT NOW.

I like Amy.  I think she's one to watch.

MILA:

Hmmmm.  Um... NO.  Nope.  Not on board.

First of all, the dress doesn't fit her well in this picture.

The judges loved how futuristic it looks.  Okay?

But her boobs fall out. (Oh sure, I'm not a guy so this isn't a plus for me...)

This should have been safe.  Not a top design!!

WINNER:  JAY!

LOVE THIS!  Good win - although I'm torn between this one and Amy's.

Both are just gorgeous and artistic.  I love the color and the rosettes on the bottom.

And it fits the model SO WELL. Fabulous dress - YAY JAY!

BOTTOM 3:

PING:

THIS DESIGN SHOULD HAVE LOST.

(I AM SO MAD I AM USING CAPS.)

IT IS HORRIBLE.  THE HIP BUCKETS.  WHAT ARE THOSE???

HER BUTT HUNG OUT THE BACK.

HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THIS, PING?!?!?  HOW?!?!?!

Ping then went on to say that she didn't understand what an industry party is.

OMG.

WHY IS SHE STILL HERE?

I'm sorry, but if you don't understand the lingo of the industry, you need to be let go so you can learn.

BOOOO.  No offense, Ping, but this should have been your auf'ing...

JESUS:

Ummmm.  Okay.  Yes - he covered up a lot of the burlap with ribbon,

and yes, he seems to love "dragon brown,"

BUT... this should not have been a bottom two.

There is MUCH worse in the safe zone!

I hope Jesus has a better week next time as I think he has talent

and has just gotten picked on.  Cheek up, Jesus!

And auf'd this week:  PAMELA

Yes.  This is not a good dress.

Yes.  This model looks HORRIBLE.

She looks... enormous.

BUT, the dye job is GORGEOUS.

Pamela made burlap look like denim.  Pamela has a talent that I'd like to see more from.

But instead, another week of Ping.

Not. Cool. Judges.

And I knew the whole episode that she was out thanks to her soundbite at the top of the show,

which made the auf'ing very non-exciting.

But in a shocking move, Ping's model is "out" this week.

(I'll have to watch MOTR for a better understanding of how this went down...)

Next week - team challenges!  HOORAY!

Less pictures to post!  ;)

Until next time, make it work!

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