Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'm a Mad (Wo)Man!

I love the series Mad Men. It makes me want to take up the "Cancer Sticks" and trade in my Target Generic Brand Slim-Fast shakes for a big ol' bottle of bourbon. It makes me want to trade in my hoodies and wear corsets and curlers! I want to talk properly and wear diamonds to brunch! I WANT TO SHOOT BIRDS WITH A GUN DAMMIT AND SLEEP WITH MY BOSS! (Oh wait, I'm unemployed... Details, details...)

Thankfully, AMC understands the fans' need to be a part of the show, specifically that era that they have romanticized for all of us. So due to the aforementioned unemployment, I had some time on my hands today to create a few icons and scenes of myself as a Mad Men cartoon character.

Without further adieu, I present, "The New Old Biddy - Man Men Style":

PHOTO #1: First Day of Work!

Dear Diary,

Well goodness, I've been ignoring you, old friend! Shame on me. Well at least I've been doing something quite exciting in the meantime other than laundry and gossip. Shall I tell you? (insert happy clapping noise) Oh I shall! I am working in ADVERTISING. Yes, where all the brain trusts and fashionably forward spend their days and, Diary, the best part is that I am a part of it! No more can the boys on the corner call me Sally No Fun. I'm an office gal now!

My job is really hard but rewarding and as a woman I'm thankful my brain can handle the work load and read the instructions on the coffee maker. (Thankfully, I'm not answering phones, which is a relief given I can never remember my own phone number. Aren't I a silly goose, Diary?). Sorry to have kept you in suspense, but I'm a... wait for it... a receptionist! A receptionist! It's true! Can you believe it? I get $5 a week and harassed on a regular basis by the suits in the office. I got my bottom smacked 3 times today. 3! That's more than Julie in the steno pool. (Plus I heard she's a slut, so she really keeps track for her records.) Anyway, it's so wonderful. I can't imagine a more perfect existence if I tried. (Thank goodness I'm a girl, I wouldn't think of trying!)

Oh isn't this picture of me silly as shingles on an igloo? Mom insisted that she take a "first day of school" picture. I look so happy! That's my favorite neckerchief. I got it for Christmas from Great-Auntie Prim. "All respectable girls keep their necks covered," she always says.

Oh dear, I need to set my hair for the night and press my clothes. This will take 7 hours so I better get started so I can at least sleep for 30 minutes.

Sincerely yours,
Jennifer (Eolin)


PHOTO #2: The Office

Dear Diary,

Oh my, I haven't had much time to write. I've been so busy working!

So since I only earn $5 a week, I have one outfit. Apparently, the men in the office complained. I'm writing them all apology notes right now.

The beautiful girl in red i n the picture is Joan. She has been a DEAR to me. She's taken me under her wing and shown me the ropes. She's really wonderful, Diary. She heard how the men in the office don't approve of my wardrobe, so she promised to give me a make-over so I look like a real City Girl. This is the most exciting day of my life! (Other than when I got my menses for the first time.)

I'm so grateful to the men in the office for pointing out that I need to take more care in my appearance. I really shouldn't forget that even though I'm working, I am still an object.

I wonder what I will look like?

Mwah, darling!
Jennifer (Eolin)


PHOTO #3: Make-Over!

Dear Diary,

YES, that's me! Aren't I the living end? Look at what Joan did to my hair. It's huge and fancy like all the girls I see in the bars. I'm fitting in by giving up my individuality. It's the bee's knees! (Joan is happy with her work. She said that I don't look like a derelict nun anymore.)

The good looking man in the picture is Don Draper. Oh he's dreamy, Diary. He smells like a malt milkshake. His voice is smooth like a chocolate sundae. And his hair reminds me of licorice. Oh by the way, I'm not allowed to eat anymore. Joan wants me to work on my figure and my health, so I've started smoking. At first smoking felt like it was killing me, but then I got used to it and I'm okay now. I am hoping to get up to 3 packs a day by next week. Joan said that setting goals is a good idea!

I have to go make another pot of coffee! My life is so fulfilling!

Up and coming!
Jennifer (Eolin)


PHOTO #4: The date!


Dear Diary!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I went out with Don Draper last night!! I'm over the moon! My first date EVER! (Other than Roy Kinkens who took me to the school dance because my mother paid him $2.)

I had my first drink tonight called a dirty martini! However, I'm sure the alcohol kills any germs from the dirt. Don insisted I have 4. I couldn't turn him down since he's the boss. I managed to throw up in my purse when he went back to the bar. When he came back he said, "Do you smell that?" And I said, "It's New Jersey." He laughed. Phew!

Joan said to bring him a gift that I can leave with him that will remind him of me. I brought him a donut. He asked me what I wanted him to remember about me. I said that I taste good. Then he stuck his finger in the donut hole. I told him that he didn't ask first and that it was very rude of him to do that. Then he asked if I'm a glazed donut. I said, "Sometimes, I'm a jelly filled." He winced. Did I play the game wrong?

I'm hoping he asks me out again. Married men are so funny!

Kisses,
Jennifer (Eolin)

PS - His ear lobes looked like marshmallows and his eyes were like chocolate balls.
PPS - I haven't eaten since last Tuesday.
PPPS - I'm up to 4 packs a day!
PPPPS - I need another job to pay for the cigarettes.


PHOTO #5: Stranded!


Diary.

I'm a slut.

Have drinking problem.

Birth control pills don't work if you don't take them every day.

And he didn't even eat my donut.

Moving to New Jersey,
Jennifer (Eolin)

PS - I'm so hungry, I'll eat my own donut, thank you!!

****

Make your own series!
http://www.madmenyourself.com

5 comments:

  1. That my friend was AWESOME!!!!!! It's amazing to me that I’ve gone 3something years on this plant and very seldom have I used the phrase "bee's knees" but now I have not only heard it 15 times in the last 3 weeks, 3 of those times came out of my own mouth. Making up for lost time I think :-)

    I will admit one comment scared me, I’m very concerned about you and this new "mad men" obsession ...."It makes me want to trade in my hoodies and wear corsets and curlers!" ... whatever has gotten into you...this must be one heck of a show!

    Keep the creative juices flowing, when I read posts like this for free, I feel as though I just broke into your house and took your tea. Your creativity is way too precious to give away for free!

    Marcy

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is just a test comment, I'm trying to debug reports that comments aren't working on this site.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmmm... I'm getting emails that people can't leave comments...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll try to comment again-again.

    Love the post. My comment has been you're a sitcom writer, but as a NOB, you'll be the one suing the Seinfeld writers for harassment...

    ReplyDelete

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