Monday, July 13, 2009

The DMV and Me

One word + one acronym = The DMV.

*shudder*

The mere mention of the DMV makes my stomach flip in a way that would make Shawn Johnson grow with envy. Perhaps it was that I failed my first driver's test and was so humiliated that I swore (loudly) I'd just embrace public transportation. (I did not embrace it.) Perhaps it was because my mother was a nervous driver. (VERY nervous.) Or perhaps my anxiety stems from watching License to Drive with the Cory's.



"An innocent girl, a harmless drive.
What could possibly go wrong?"

(I'm betting on the Cory's...)

So this past May, not only did I have the (dis)pleasure of turning a year older, but I also had the (extreme dis)pleasure of making a trip to the DMV to renew my license. Thankfully, my visit was uneventful. I paid for a new license, they said I didn't need to take a new picture as the old one would suffice and they issued me a temporary license. Total time inside the DMV... 15 minutes! (I counted!) Ahhhh, DMV BLISS!

I was so happy! UNTIL... The license never came in the mail. (Natch, why would it?) AND, my temp license... EXPIRED!? Wha---? Why does this have an expiration date and why am I noticing this 2 weeks after it expired?! (Gulp...)



"We were able to retrieve your test results from the computer.
And as I suppose you already know, YOU FAILED.
God giveth, and the DMV taketh away.
You mustn't fuck with the Department of Motor Vehicles.
We can make your life a living hell."

So today I called the DMV. After sitting on hold for 22 minutes (I counted!) I talked to "Operator 19." Here's how it went down:

ME: "Hi! I never got my license in the mail after I paid for it in person at the DMV."
#19: "Mmm. Let me look that up for you."
After an exchange of info, time passes...
#19: "Oh, the computer says your picture didn't turn out."
ME: "What do you mean my picture 'didn't turn out'?"
#19: "The picture they took didn't come out."
ME: "They didn't take one."
#19: "No, it just didn't come out."
ME: "NO, THEY DIDN'T TAKE ONE."
#19: "Mmmmm..."
ME: "She said we could just use my current picture."
#19: "No. They needed to take a picture."
ME: (swallowing rage) "Do you know why I wasn't made aware of this fact? Like a letter or something saying, 'Your license was unable to be processed, please return to the DMV' or something like that?"
#19: "Mm-mm."
ME: (swallowing bile) "OKAY! So what do we do from here?"
#19: "Well you need to go to the DMV, but someone has to drive you since you let your temporary license expire."
ME: "LET?! LET??!?? I didn't LET anything expire. I was there 5 days before it expired to take care of this. I AM A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING WHO DOESN'T EVEN JAY WALK!!"
#19: "We'll impound your car if you drive it. You don't want that."
ME: (now spewing bile and rage) "But, I didn't do anything wrong!"
#19: "You should have taken a picture!"

RAZZLE-FRAZZLE! BAH!

On a positive note: I'm proud of myself for not throwing my telephone through the wall. (I'm not dumb, that would come out of my security deposit!) Instead, I typed angrily into Google: "DMV, CA." I made an appointment to go to the DMV on WEDNESDAY. You know, in two days. First available appointment. Swell.

So I'm holed up in my apartment like a Branch Davidian, just waiting for the government to give me the okay to re-join the population at large. So until then, I'll live a life outside of my apartment vicariously by playing SimCity 4, (complete with the Rush Hour Expansion Pack)! I know what you're thinking, "Not too bad for a kid without her license, huh?"

6 comments:

  1. It's a good thing Janet Reno hasnt heard abnything about this. And for a fee, she won't.
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do you need me to drive you around? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. and...and you're seriously not going to drive for the two day period????

    What kind of LA person ARE you?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm law abiding!!! (And extremely nervous...)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I lost my license after acting like such an alcoholic and getting behind the wheel after I went to a bar.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm thankful DMV Alaska is not that annoying compared to CA DMV.

    ReplyDelete

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