Sigh... Yeah. This is a hard one to spin.
I've been single for about a month now and I wish I could report that I'm a strong Beyonce type woman who's out at clubs shouting, "I'm single, bitches! Where are the men at?! I gots to get me some of that!" But the truth is that I've spend a lot of time at home crying into my dog's neck. (She's surprisingly absorbent!)
During this new journey into singleness, I've noticed that being single in your 30's is VERY different than being single in your 20's. In your 20's, most everybody was single and just as jaded and depressed as I was. After a break-up, I had plenty of single girlfriends to get dressed up with and go hit a club and stay out all night while cursing "ex-boy of the week's" name. (Yes, this biddy used to go to clubs. Don't get too excited, I just held my girlfriends' purses while they danced and was always the designated driver. Party hardy!)
But in your 30's, it's a different story. First, most of my friends are married or in serious relationships so that really inhibits things. Second, you couldn't pay me to go to club. Third, I don't have the energy that I had back in my 20's. Back then, I could last on 4 hours of sleep. Now, if I don't get a solid 9 I'm a wreck. Fourth, if there's not good parking, I'm not going out!
I swear to God, I just keep getting sexier.
Now, before you start yelling/typing: "INTERNET DATING, DAMMIT!" I'd like to report, that I've tried this at many different stages of my life, all to disastrous results. It's mostly the rejection that I find disheartening. And eHarmony really has cornered the market on rejection. Boy howdy. If you were already smarting from a break-up, DO NOT USE eHARMONY! It sucks donkey balls. Not only is it crazy expensive, every morning you get to wake up to fresh rejection (aka "closed match"). Thanks, eHarmony. Thanks, bunches. Just what the doctor ordered. You should send free razor blades out as a welcome gift.
And before you start yelling/typing: "YOU NEED TO JUST WORK ON BEING SINGLE AND ON YOURSELF, DAMMIT!" I'd like to tell you respectfully and lovingly tell you to fuck off. If "working on being single" were so important to the world, then all happily married/shacked up couples should have to have a mandatory break-up so they can work on being single. Think about it! Don't say this to a single person. It's like telling someone who just lost their legs to "Just work on doing The Worm!" In-fucking-sensitive. Seriously.
So what to do? How does this New Old Biddy go about finding her happiness again so she can find her New Old Codger? Here are a few items I currently ascribe to:
1. Name 3 good things going on RIGHT NOW. (Thanks for this one, Marcilee!)
2. Spend tons of time with friends.
3. HOBBIES! Painting, writing, improv and reading by the pool.
4. Find small things that make me happy. For instance, a cup of Jasmine Green Tea really makes me smile. As does listening to the "Incredibad" album over and over. (MMMM! Andy Samburg! Just saying!!)
5. Exercise, eat right and smile.
6. Avoid chick lit and flicks. LIES! All of them!
7. Sort through closet and give away anything that makes me feel not so pretty.
8. Do something crazy, even if it's just using a new nail polish color. (I'm a low impact biddy.)
9. Snuggle with my doggie, Matilda.
10. Let myself be sad when I need to. I'm not a robot, dammit! But then after that emotion gets tiresome, I move on to something more positive.
11. DO NOT SETTLE. For anything. In the wise words of Bonnie Tyler:
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
So that's what I got. It's not much, but I think it's enough for right now.
Oh and if anybody has Andy Samburg's number, that'd be awesome.