Sunday, November 1, 2015

Daily Burn Reminds Me I'm Lazy

In my 20s I could eat anything I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I never put on a pound. This is not a joke, nor is it bragging (or a medical condition - stop worrying). If you don't believe me, you can ask any of my theatre peeps who watched me on countless nights snarf down large plates of greasy diner bacon followed by voluptuous pieces of chocolate cake damn near the size of my head. And then the next day I'd be be like, 'Hey my pants are too big. Weird!' I know.... I know... I was THAT asshole.

I would like to acknowledge that my head is larger than this photo. Shut up, it is.
(photo credit: purplefoodie.com)
In my 30s I put on 10 pounds in the span of an evening. I went to bed at 29, woke up at 30 and BLAM, all that cake caught up with me. (Mostly in my middle in the form of a muffin top, which I at least found poetic.)

10 years later at 39, I went to bed and woke up at 40 and BLAM... my metabolism was actually sitting on the end of the bed, packed and ready to go. It said to me what all the men I date say, "Peace out, babe. I'm done. There's a 20-something over there with my name on her." (...Insert sad trombone noise here...)

My photo on Tinder after 40.
(Photo credit: sabrinascrossing.blogspot.com)

Now I should clarify -- I am/was by no means fat. I just wasn't in good shape or at all strong. I was just walking foie gras. Soft and tasty! Wait... that's a different blog. Ahem.... cough.

So this past August (age 42) I realized that I gotta get my shit together and work out. I've avoided it long enough. I'd recently seen the ads for DailyBurn and it appealed to me. I hated the gym, I'm (always) on a budget, and I finally have an apartment big enough to do a jumping jack in... I signed up.

The first workout I did with them was part of their "True Beginner" program and it KICKED my ass. KICKED. MY. ASS. I was a wreck after my first workout. My thighs burned. My arms ached. My everything hurt. I hobbled around for a few days afterwards before even daring to do the next workout.

"At least I'm cute so you have something to look at while you cry and throw up."
(Photo Credit: Justin Ruben, True Beginner trainer, DailyBurn.com)

But here I am several months later and I gotta say, I look great:

My profile photo on Our Time.
(photo credit: They most likely don't want to be associated with this inane post...)
I'm much more fit now. I can open jars and my arms have a shape other than "lump." As a result, I've moved on from True Beginner to Cardio Sculpt, so again I'm going through the "OMG, I can't walk," and for none of the "fun" reasons.


I still struggle with the urge to just sit down and watch Hulu/Netflix until bed time when I get home from work. (I mean, Gotham is soooo good this year, right?) But I try to hit DailyBurn at least 2-3 times a week.

I do long for the days of plates of bacon and chocolate cake for dinner. But I guess this is worth it. I should be completely kick-ass by 43. And 44. And 45 + infinity!

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to eat my "gluten free Indian Aloo Mattar wrap" and then do my "Lean Abs" workout. Then I'm going to stretch (aka lie down) and reflect (aka cry) while my dog smothers me with love (aka judgement).

It's funny, cuz it's true.

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