Um.... About that Project Runway Blog....

Dearest Readers,

I need to be honest with you: I am a bad blogger.  ("Bad" as in "producing content," not as in "content produced."  I hope.)  I didn't get to write my review of Project Runway's part 1 of the finale, much less the actual finale that aired last week.  The reasoning?  I'm just not feeling it.  

Bunim/Murray has sucked the life out of the show.  It's edited quite flatly, there's very little suspense and what suspense there is feels "built" in the edit bay.  In short, "BOOOO."

I loved that Seth Aaron won, however!  I love his attention to detail and the construction of his pieces are AMAZING.  I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the dynamic he has with his family.  I am SO GLAD that the good guy won!  I'm so sad that he had to suffer through the bad production practices of a sub-par production company.  I really hope that he comes out with a line of jackets.  Not since Jillian have I been so in love with a jacket.

I wish Mila had come in second.  Emilio's second place "win" was undeserved.  My sister nailed it when she said, "He just designed a nice line for Kohl's."  And nothing against Kohl's, but that's not really the aim of a line at Fashion Week.  I read on one of Mila's tweets that someone suggested she work for White House/Black Market.  YES!  Perfect!  And once someone builds a store called "Smug For No Reason," I can see Emilio finding a home for his (safe) life there.

The reunion show was also quite dull except for a few moments:  Emilio's complete lack of anything likable about his personality, especially when arguing why he dropped his model Holly; Anthony's extremely insincere apology to Mila for calling her a 50+ year-old hag; Ping's wailing; and Jay snapping at Cerri that she has fat legs and crooked teeth.  (PS - I now HATE Jay as I adore Cerri. I am now glad he did NOT make it to Fashion Week.)  And sadly, this paragraph reads more interestingly than the actual 22 minutes of the show.

....Sigh.....

So I apologize for not making it work.  My blogs take hours and hours to write and I couldn't give Bunim/Murray my time to help promote their less than stellar job with this season.  I wish them the best of luck in Season 8.  I hope they take a class on how to tell a story.  I hope they open up the challenges to 2-days so we can see more interaction and talent ability from the new designers.  I hope they get an editor who isn't fresh out of college and can actually cut a show with some energy and power behind it.  Yes.  I have opinions. 

So PLEASE make sure you go to MyLifetime to view the episodes and lines and then go to Blogging Project Runway to read recaps and hear podcasts with the finalists!  And hopefully, by the time season 8 rolls around, I'll feel invigorated to keep blogging about this show.  Because it just keeps getting harder and harder...

Hugs and hoodies,

Jennifer (Eolin)

The New Old Biddy Hearts Chris March!

I would like to thank bookstores across NYC for helping (enabling) me to meet (stalk) my favorite Project Runway peeps!  HOORAY!  Last night I put on my best windbreaker hoodie to go to Borders to meet Chris March from Season 4 of Project Runway.

"You can hear my laugh even when I am just a picture."

I got to Borders early in my biddy fashion (because you never know when a train may be late!) and saw the man of the hour briefly chatting with Borders' employees at the front of the store before being ushered away from the hoi polloi.  I saw that there was a table set up at the front of the store which was unlike the other events I've attended.  "Oh sadness," I thought, "Is there no discussion and laughter?"  I walked up to the "greeter/security guard" who was planted at the front of the store.  His wan expression let me know he did not want to talk as he was very busy guarding a pile of Kitty Kelly's newest book of complete make-'em-ups, Oprah.  (PS- the book is already 30% off.  HAHAHAA!  Take that, Kitty Kelly!  Perhaps if you wrote for Scientology your fables would actually sell.  Too soon?)  Without making eye contact the greeter/security guard let me know that Chris would be signing books at the front of the store only.  Aw, crud.  Oh well, better than nothing, right?

After buying my book I met up with fellow Project Runway fan (stalker), Lauren, who I met at Laura Bennett's book signing a few weeks back.  Lauren was also wearing a hoodie.  (Ergo, we will obviously be friends forever.)  We hung out waiting for 7pm to roll around and we got in line.  Okay, we WERE the line at that point.  Just us.  Two ladies in hoodies desperately grasping our cameras.  (PS - My look was complemented with a summer scarf in lime green and a dippy smile that even a 4-year-old would deem as "uncool.")

3 more people got in line behind us and Chris March was escorted to his table.  Chris' disappointment was palpable.  I can't blame him.  I'd be sad too if I came out and saw me.  At that point I wanted to run over an hug him and say: "Quality over quantity, Chris!" (But I didn't, no restraining orders today!)

Lauren got her picture taken first...

...and then me.  (Thank GOODNESS my head looks normal in this.  To better understand this reference, see my Tim Gunn post. from a month ago.. oy.)

We chatted with Chris and he is truly as delightful in person as he was on TV.  We talked about reality television and its "merits."  I told him that I understood the ruse of reality as I worked for the "reality" show elimiDATE for 4 (horribly awful hideously long) years.  He burst out, "ELIMIDATE?!" he gave me his condolences for having worked on that show.  (Note: I'm still in therapy.)  I also let him know how much I love his design aesthetic and that I love that he self-published his book.  SELF- PUBLISHED, PEOPLE.  This is not an easy feat.  Nay.  This means you do and finance everything yourself.  Not a small task!  He mentioned that he's blogging now, to which I said, "I know!  Keep it up!"

At that point, another Chris March fan arrived, Laura Bennett!

  

Looking completely hip and casual in jeans and a Chanel jacket, Laura came by to support her fellow PR alum/author.  (Sidenote: A Borders employee brought up some of Laura's books to the front table as the folks in line didn't know she had a signing just over a week ago.  Somebody give that employee a raise!)  She told Chris that her kids are big fans, to which Chris exclaimed, "Are they gay?"  Laura shrugged, "One maybe."  

More people started to show up for Chris (GOOD!) so Laura, Lauren and I huddled up and discussed the merits of Glee and why Finn can't sing.  This conversation took at least 20 minutes as we all had a lot to say about this matter.  A LOT.  

Then Laura got to see a bit of my biddiness first hand much to my chagrin.  I handed her a pen, but it was empty.  "Empty" as in the ink thingy fell out and all that was left was a sad pink plastic shell.  So I handed her another one.  Also empty.  Yep.  You know you're a new old biddy when you carry empty pen corpses around with you in your purse next to your green tea mints.  (And I'll have you know, the pen carcasses are still in my purse lest I find their insides floating around somewhere.  Waste not want not!)  Sigh.....

All in all, a great evening.  I hope Chris had a good time despite a small turnout.  And btw, I love Chris' book and so should you!  It's a coffee table book with pictures from his costumes/designs over the years including Project Runway.  (Meryl Streep's dresses are not in the book as I believe it went to print before those were debuted...)  You can find I Heart Chris March here on his website.  And DO check out his blog as well.  Do it and support self-published authors!

PS - On my way home I had a random star sighting, the dad from Ugly Betty, Tony Plana.  But to me, he'll always be Jefe from The Three Amigos.  The jackass in me wanted to ask him if he knew what a plethora was yet, but again thought it best to avoid a restraining order and stay 0 for 2 for the evening....

****

For other Project Runway related features,

 read about how I met Tim Gunn & Laura Bennett!

And relive the silliness that Season 6 models 

Kojii, Katie, Fatma and I had during Assignment: Jennifer! 

Soon...

My Project Runway blog will go up soon.  (Read "soon" as  "before the finale on Thursday.")  I was spending the weekend with my family and stayed offline for most of it.  Imagine that.   ;)

But I'm back in NYC now and will be getting back to blogging!  

Make it work!  (I know I'm trying...)

Project Runway - Season 7 - Episode 12 - "Big Top, Big Egos"

Last time on Project Runway:

* The show lets us know, "No REALLY, Heidi is a HUGE celebrity!"

(And not just because she's HUGELY pregnant...)

* Maya quits the show due to being sick of me confusing her name with Mila's

(And fighting with Mila for flat iron time in the morning.)

* Anthony is the new Chris March

(Squeeee!)

* Emilio is the new Kenley

(Don't you talk sass to my Tim Gunn!)

* IN:  New Kenley (BOO!) 

AND 

New Chris March (YAY!)

* OUT: Jonathan and model Cerri are auf'd

* The New Old Biddy has notes.

(As per usual...)

*****

We open in the Atlas Apartments, Anthony is being delightful whilst next door Mila sadly straight irons her hair in somber silence.  Oh how I miss the expresiionless, monotone non-banter Maya and Mila use to have:  

Maya: "I'm really tired."

Mila: "Yeah.  Me too."

Silence except for the sizzle of the flat irons...

Maya: "Your bangs look nice."

Mila: "Yeah.  Me too."

Sigh.  The good old days of last week...

On the runway at Parsons Heidi tells the designers that they are designing for her again.  I KID! She tells them that this challenge will determine who is going to Fashion Week.  (FINALLY!)  She sends them to a tent, to which the designers find themselves at Ringling Brothers Circus.  Their challenge is to "Create a runway look inspired by the circus."  (I hope the BlueFly wall thoughtfully supplies the designers with big floppy red shoes...) 

Cue the ringmaster and tons of acts that all perform at once, making the scene just look chaotic and unhinged as all three rings are combined into one.  Shirtless tumblers (hubba hubba), clowns, motorcycles and whatnot fill the space with activity and skill that I know I can never accomplish.  The best quote of the night, nay SERIES, is when a clown throws water on another clown, Anthony sincerely gasps: "All over your rhinestones!"  Anthony, you really are the king of sound bites this season!

"Ta daaaaa!  Now leave."

Tim comes back out and tells the designers they have 30 minutes to sketch and remember, this IS NOT A COSTUME.  Then its off to Mood with $300 to shop.  And guess what, kids?  It's a 2-day challenge!  HOORAY!  (Considering they had to go to Coney Island, then to Mood, it had to be like 3pm or later when they got back to Parsons...)

Emilio (aka New Kenley due to his disdain for all of Tim Gunn's advice) is running his mouth about how great he is while in line at Mood, "I am banging them out!" (OH MY!)  Then he states in the workroom: "Come hard or go home," and "You gotta come hard!"  (Okay, maybe he's the New Vincent...?)  Either way, Emilio is clearly the jerk of the season.  BOOO EMILIO.  You blow in a very non-plussing manner.  (I need to work on my double entendres...)

Mila calls Emilio out on bragging about winning.  UM... Mila.  Babydoll.  Honeybunny.  We need to chat.  (And by chat, I mean, I will do all the talking.)  Do you not remember GLOATING as you walked into the green room after winning challenges to a couch full of pissed designers earlier this season?  Hmmm?  Do you remember that?  In short: Pot, meet Kettle.

"Hi!  Do you have a Facebook page?"

Sew sew sew....  And now for something unexpected.  I am going to compliment the production company, Bunim/Murray.  (I know.  You might want to sit down.)  This episode is actually... GOOD.  There's story, there's character, there's a natural build in tension.  And you know why?  Because A) it's a 2 day challenge for a change! and B) with 5 people, the producers are finally able to narrow down the stories being told.  (Okay, part B is a back-handed compliment...)  But I'm into this episode.  I have favorites and those I hate.  PERFECT!  Only took 12 episodes to get there, guys!  (Oy.)

Moving on...  Tim Gunn arrives for critiques!

Tim starts with Seth Aaron.  SA says he was inspired by the ringmaster and shows Tim his plans for an over the top jacket and pants combo, "And I'm making a top hat,"  Tim urges him to remember: "NO costume."  

Next is Emilio's Ego.  He's using a black and white striped fabric very similar to SA's.  He's making a gown and Tim reminds him that black and white isn't very circus-like.  Don't forget color!  Emilio whines like a 4-year-old and fights back, "I've never done black and white, Tim!"  Tim gives him support and Emilio mocks him back to his face by imitating Tim's "encouragement fist."  (That's my name for it anyway...)

"I encourage you!"

"I'll see your 'encouragement fist'

and raise you a 'douche bag fist.'"

Next is Anthony who I swear makes the word "Tim" into two syllables.  "Hiiiiii, Tee-im."  Yes?  Anthony is making a blue gown (inspired by one of the acrobats costumes).  He's the only one using blue as everyone else is using black, red, white and gold.  He's still constructing the garment's overall look and Tim cautions him to "let his viscera rule" on what feels right and wrong.  Anthony informs Tim that he's going to get a dictionary when he gets home so he can understand Tim better.  HA!

Nobody said "viscera" was pretty, 

just wise.

Mila is next.  She's going with a coat (which seems very Seth Aaron in style btw...)  He gives her some tips on fabric choices and she is the exact opposite of Emilio and is actually gracious and seems appreciative of his counsel.  

Jay tells Tim that he's mixing the ringleader with the clowns and is going for an exaggerated look.  He wants it to look "bad bitch."  Tim asks: "Is there such a thing as a good bitch?"  Jay chirps: "I'm a good bitch!"  And then he clicked his heels and said "There's no place like home."  (Okay, that last bit didn't happen, but the bad bitch in me wished it had for humor's sake!)

Sew sew sew.....  Midnight!  Morning!  More sewing!

Models come in and SA expresses doubt about Mila's super shiny outfit and Emilio realizes that TIM WAS RIGHT and he needs more color.  Of course he doesn't say it this way, but that's what we all know happened.  

After the models leave, Anthony comments on Jay's jacket: "Oh you're making a Michael Jackson coat!"  Jay is horrified.  And well he should be:

Mila: "I hope your model moonwalks 

down the runway."

RUNWAY DAY!

Lots of bites about how excited the designers are and how they have their eye on the prize.  Seth Aaron is actually "butterflies in the stomach" nervous for the day.  

Sew sew sew sew....

Anthony is having fitting problems with his model.  The wings on the gown are too big.  (I can hear your viscera screaming from here, Anthony!)  

Sew sew sew.... panic and hope... sew sew sew....

RUNWAY TIME!  Heidi greets them and lets them know that 2 of them will be auf'd.  Only 3 are going to Fashion Week.

Anthony: "I hope my viscera doesn't make an appearance

on the runway or the floor..."

Guest judge, Cynthia Rowley:

"No, I'm not Sarah Jessica Parker.

Stop asking me that."

LET'S START THE SHOW!

JAY:

SHAMONE!   I mean, OMG, that's not pretty unless she's about to start up a Michael Jackson tribute marching band...

Heidi makes Jay take off the jacket and the comment about how the outfit without the jacket is a great ensemble that is beautifully made.  True... BUT THAT JACKET!!  AHHHH!

MILA:

This is quite possibly the ugliest outfit of the season.  And does anybody else see a bad parody of Ziggy Stardust in this garment?  Am I alone on this?

"It's Rock-n-Roll Suicide to copy me."

Kors LIKES it and says it's not a costume.  WHA----?  Thank goodness, Nina isn't completely on board with this disaster.  (PHEW!  I was beginning to worry about my viscera's point of view....)  Cynthia would like less collar and shine, but in general, "I like it."

Ugh.  I don't get it...

ANTHONY:

I like this look... but where is the circus?  I like the movement and the design.  Wish the waist weren't so "got caught in my Spanx" looking though.

OH ANTHONY - stop apologizing for your look!  That just tips them off that there are bigger problems.  

Nina likes it from the waist up, but the waist down is a "snooze" and that it's poorly made.  Kors wants to know the fabric type.  He gets out of his seat and finds out it's POLYESTER, to which Kors comments: "She's like a big blue condom."  

EMILIO:

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  HORRIBLE!  THOSE SHOES!  THE DOTS!  I'm having Moulin Rouge inspired panic attacks:

Kick your heels up, step in time!

OH wait... wrong musical.

He tells them it's five yards of fabric with polka dots for whimsy's sake. Heidi thinks the dress is absolutely stunning. (HUH?)  Cynthia calls it "genius."  (WHAT?)  Kors calls it his favorite garment of the season.  (ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME DAMN EPISODE?!)  Nina thinks this dress speaks to women.  Yes.  Okay, agreed.  It does speak to me.  And it's telling me to run away or I'll die from consumption.

Needless to say, Emilio's ego now joins America in its fight against obesity...  Sigh....

SETH  AARON:

OMG.  No.  THIS is the ugliest outfit of the season.  And it pains me to say it.  But who wants to look like a member of Beetlejuice's bridal party?  HMMM?

"It's a good look.  C'mon!"

Seth Aaron says he designed off emotion with this look as he was soooo happy at the circus.  So, SA, why did you design a straight jacket if you were so happy?  

Heidi likes the look.  Nina likes the drama and fantasy about it, but does call it out for being a bit costume-like.  Cynthia likes that the outfit defies gravity as appreciates the circus theme/inspiration.  Now for Kors: " I think the pants, we have crazy crotch.  I think they might fit you better.  That perhaps a gentleman might have something to fill the trouser out."  (Wow, between the "big blue condom" remark and this, someone really has sausage on the brain today...)   He goes on to say that the jacket is very strong and he appreciates that.

HOW HAS NOBODY POINTED OUT THAT GIRLFRIEND HAS NO HANDS???  BAH!  Tailored extremely well, yes!  But SHE HAS NO HANDS.  

Then they ask everybody why they deserve to go to Fashion Week (dumb question) and who should go with them.  SA picks Emilio and Jay to go to FW.  Jay wants to go to FW w/ SA and tearfully mentions Anthony.  Awwww!  Mila wants to compete against Emilio and SA.  Emilio picks the "strongest because he likes to compete with the best" and chooses SA and Mila.  Anthony's viscera wants Emilio and Jay to join him at Fashion Week.

And now... the results!

Emilio... is going to Fashion Week.  Sigh.  I get it and his ego should provide some good entertainment for the finale.  Okay.  I'm on board.  BUT OMG THAT DRESS IS JUST A TRASHY CAN CAN DRESS!  BAH!

Seth Aaron... is going to Fashion Week!  YAY!  I love his stuff and his style.  Just remember to give your girls hands, sweets!

Anthony... is auf'd.  That makes me a sad panda, but I see why.  I hope he continues to design!

That leaves Jay and Mila standing on the runway.

Mila ... is going to Fashion Week.  AND so is Jay.  But they are giving them the "Chris March" treatment and making them compete for the FW spot in two months based on their collections they bring back.  UNFAIR!  I hate that!  PICK ONE!  BOO!  

But now this biddy is happy as next week is my favorite episode of each season... Tim Gunn visits the designers at home!  I hope he says "egads" or something else equally as quaint and adorable this time around. Squeeeee!  

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY:

Brittany and Brandise get along about as well as Republicans and Democrats do.  Lame drama to fill in a half hour show about nothing.  And not in that Seinfeld sort of nothing way...

On the runway, Seth Aaron sticks with Kristina.  Mila stays with Brandise, Jay stays with Brittany, and Emilio... stays with Lorena.  SO PREDICTABLE!  This whole program could have been 30 seconds long.  Ugh.  Poor Monique is out.  I thought she did a good job all season.

Back at the models' apartment, the show ends when the designers show up with champagne (and cider!) and they all toast their victory before all going their separate ways:

Here's to a great finale!

Or The New Old Biddy will ridicule us...

******

Check out MyLifetime and Tim Gunn's blog!

Bookmark and read Blogging Project Runway daily!

Keep track of the auction on the official Project Runway page!

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook!

And join the Save Season 8 of Project Runway page!

Until next week - MAKE IT WORK!

The New Old Biddy Meets the Glamorous Laura Bennett!

Again, like the Tim Gunn book signing I attended just over a week ago, it started with a tweet: Laura Bennett from Season 3 of Project Runway was signing her new book, Didn't I Feed You Yesterday?  A Mother's Guide to Sanity in Stilettos at Borders on Wednesday, April 7th!  SQUEEEEE!

This time I was alone, thanks to the fact that my partner in Project Runway crime, Joanna, has her in-laws arriving today and she had to stay home to cook.  WHATEVER.  PRIORITIES, LADY!  (I kid!  Marginally...)  I fretted about what to wear.  Laura is basically the female version of Tim Gunn when it comes to poise, sophistication and elegance.  So I wore a hoodie.  You know, cuz an age-inappropriate gray hoodie from Forever 21 totes says: "style and elegance" and "I'm a confident woman in my 30's who is definitely not having any anxiety over her age at all-- SHUT UP I AM NOT!"  

I digress...

I got there at 6:30, bought my book and sat in a sea of EMPTY CHAIRS.  What the hell, NYC?  This was the same scenario at the Tim Gunn signing.  Everybody shows up at 6:55 and then wonders why they didn't get a seat, but that dork in the age-inappropriate hoodie is front and center in the second row.  It's called a watch, people.  Buy one.  (Or hit a button on your cell phone to show the time.  Either way, just don't act surprised when you don't get a seat.)

I think the best part about the book signing was that Laura's entire family was there (except the 3-year-old, Finn, because he likes to pull books off shelves and even a flippant mom like Laura determined, "This is not the proper venue for him").  HER KIDS ARE AMAZING.  First of all, they are all firecrackers.  Hams.  Comedians.  These are children who are not shy and are ready to take on the world.  (Kinda like their mom, perhaps?)  Before the event started, her 5-year-old, Larson, was quizzing the representative from Random House about her job and WHY they would name their company "Random House."  She did a good job with her answers and Larson seemed satisfied.  Then Peik, Truman and Pierson all arrived.  The excitement they had for the event and their mom was palpable.  These kids were on top of the world.  I couldn't help but smile, I like when kids are proud of their parents. (Or they had a grand plan to embarrass her.  Either way, they were happy.)

Finally Laura Bennett arrives looking super chic in a gray flannel shift dress with a sunburst of jewels around the waist.  (And yes, she made it herself.)  Her hair was cut in the cutest pixie cut in her signature (Loreal) red color.  (And BTW, my friend, Christina, alerted me to the fact that Laura cuts her own hair - is there anything this woman can not do??)  She began the evening by reading the intro: "Prepare for Take-off."  It was awesome to hear her start the book off as now her voice will stay with me as I read the rest.

The Q&A was ... hilarious!  Her kids asked tons of questions like the very important one, "Who's your favorite son?"  Laura had her reply for who the favorite was for today and who she's penciling in for the rest of the week.  She told us that what she misses about fashion now that she's a designer is the actual construction of making the garment.  That's her favorite part and it's been taken away!  She also told us that for her final collection at Bryant Park, she had a whole color story (red) that didn't make the runway.  People, she made a million WELL made garments in two months, while pregnant and raising 5 kids.  (I immediately felt lazy.  All I had accomplished yesterday was making a grilled cheese sandwich and getting my butt out the door.  Sigh...)

She thanked all the people in her life, kids, friends, agents and professionals in her life who helped make the book possible.  Then she told her husband that she'd thank him later, which she punctuated with, "Don't worry, we'll be careful.  We have 6 already."

Book signing time!  At this point we lined up and her kids were up on stage next to her signing bookmarks.  Truman, however, was making his way through the line, making sure everybody knew his name.  When I told him I knew his name already, he moved along saying, "She already knows!"  

Time to meet Laura!

Peik, (pronounced Pake, like "bake") is in the pic with us.  (You need to get the book to hear the hilarious stories about how she and her husband, Peter, came up with their kids' names.)  I also got signed bookmarks from her sons Pierson and I think the other was from Larson, but the signature looks like: "6ore."  (Maybe she has a kid she doesn't know about?  It's possible....)

And just like Tim, her reaction to "The New Old Biddy" is priceless: "Um, okay, this is a first," she stated as she spelled my moniker out slowly so as to not make any errors.  I told her that it was my Twitter name and blogging name.  I'm pretty sure that only made me see (more) crazy than I already appeared.  Sigh.  Someday I'll make a good impression.  Maybe in 2014 or so.

Overall, wonderful evening.  Even met another Project Runway fan and chatted about the crap-tastic season going on right now.  I love meeting other stalkers--um, cough cough--enthusiasts.  It lets me know that I'm not alone.  (Except when I go to bed at night, but that's a different and sadder blog...)

On April 19th, Chris March will be signing his book!  At least I have 9 days to pick out a proper hoodie this time around... I'm thinking pink!

****

For an excerpt of Laura's book, click here!

And when Laura isn't writing, designing or running her brood around town, she tweets!

Project Runway - Season 7 - Episode 11 - "A Sew Sew Episode"

This episode could have been amazing.

This episode should have been hyped from the very beginning 

and left us honestly wondering, "Who walks out??" all season long.

The sound bite: "We don't have a winner for this challenge," 

should have also been teased mercilessly.

10 designers should NOT have showed at Fashion Week 

because it ruined the suspense and story of the remaining season.

(OMG.  I can't say this one enough...)

And finally, I should be crowned "Queen of Knowing How to Fix Everything."  

*****

We open in the apartment and we are beaten over the head with, "We miss Anthony," and "the competition is hard."  And Maya is given the "going home" sound bite slot.  Ugh...  The predictability of this show is overwhelming. 

With six left, Heidi tells them that they'll be making a look for a celebrity.  OH NO.... Why do I have a feeling that the celebrity... is Heidi?  Because I'm right.  Tim Gunn introduces Heidi.  DIDN'T THIS CHALLENGE ALREADY HAPPEN?  And didn't Brown Sugar win and that dress is the cover of Marie Claire right NOW?  WHAT THE HELL, BUNIM-MURRAY???  How cheap are you??  (Or "How many people will have nothing to do with the show now that you morons run it?" may be the better question...)

Heidi: "Yep, it's me again.  Try not to yawn."

Tim: "I contend that I'm doing my best."

Heidi leaves and Tim gives them 30 minutes to sketch, then they will go to Mood to shop with $300.  And CUE the bad directing and bad story producing from our enemies at Bunim-Murray.  All of a sudden, Maya's work station is empty.  NOBODY comments on this either in real time or in a sound bite.  They just all happily sketch and assume that Maya must have eaten some bad Chinese food and is having an extended stay in the loo as NOBODY seems concerned to here whereabouts.   We see a door close as if to cheat that Maya's just left, but they already showed a shot of the workroom, and she was already missing... I hate when continuity isn't a primary concern in a (bad) producer's mind.  The audience isn't stupid.  Don't screw with your timeline if you can't do it properly.

And then... to beat us about the head with the fact that Maya is missing since none of the designers have seemed to notice... the empty dress form:

Due to a horrible accident, 

Maya lost both of her arms.

And her head.

After the other designers calmly discuss their plans for their outfits (Jonathan is taking the angle of, "design something really ugly and the judges will probably love it."  HA!) when Tim Gunn comes back in the room with Maya and she announces that she's leaving the competition because she doesn't feel ready yet to go all the way if she made it to Bryant Park since she just got out of design school and she's still figuring out who she is as a designer.  Which is too bad as she has skills for days.  

Tim: "My goodness, you're short.

In stature and in confidence."

Maya seems really calm about her decision.  There are no tears.  Just relief.  I have a feeling that she's going to sleep for about a week.  I can't even imagine how battered these guys are with these quick turn-arounds.  I can barely sew a button in five minutes, I can't imagine putting together a red carpet dress in 10 hours.

Emilio gives a mean sound bite about how "Quitters never win."  (But cheaters do, right Emilio??  WHERE WAS YOUR ACCESSORY, MISTER!?!?)  And then Seth Aaron gave a beautiful sound bite to back Maya up in her decision: "You know we work 18 to 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.  You're pretty much drained all the time.  So anybody sitting at home saying, 'Oh my God, I can't believe Maya quit,' you know, fuck off.  You have no clue.  Don't judge.  You come here and try it."

"I got your back, Maya."

I'm rooting for you, Maya!  Keep designing and sewing!  And come back to Season 8, maybe?  

So this leaves 5 designers in the work room instead of 6.  But first things first (while the producers scramble to get their ducks in a row...)  OFF TO MOOD!

"Can I color block this?"

Thank you Mooooooood!

Back to Parsons.  And Tim has an announcement that we all knew was coming.  (Well, for anybody who's watched the show before, we know who's coming back.)  Chris March is back!  I mean.... BROWN SUGAR!  YAY ANTHONY who announces: "I have a second chance at greatness!"

"Look out, Beyonce, Brown Sugar is BACK!"

Tim gives Anthony 30 minutes to sketch, then off to Mood and he will be allowed to work later than the other designers so he has the same amount of time to create his look for Heidi.  However, Tim isn't going to Mood with Anthony to which Anthony states: "But Tim, it won't be the same if you're not there to say, 'Anthony, don't pick that!'"

Sew sew sew sew sew.....  Jonathan explains his frustration with only having one day to do a red carpet dress for Heidi.  AMEN.  LAME LAME LAME.  Especially with the changes in the lineup. 

Sewing and explanations... 

The Tim comes back into the work room and calls Seth Aaron outside.  Mila states: "And the day just keeps getting weirder and weirder."  But there's no suspense in the work room.  The mood seems "business as usual" which is frustrating as a viewer.  BUNIM-MURRAY!  Really?  This is lame producing.

Seth Aaron returns and let's everyone know that his model, Valeria, decided to take the DKNY gig afterall:

"Seth Aaron, call me when you get NY after your name."

But my favorite model, Cerri, gets to come back!  YAY!

"I hope Seth Aaron gets pale."

Again, we have some pretty exciting stuff happening on the show and A) we don't see any of the conversation between Tim and Seth Aaron, we just hear it after SA has processed the info, we never get to see his original reaction to the news,  B) We also don't see any reaction from the models (we have to wait until 11pm which I'm not inclined to do at this point) and C) BORING EXECUTION OF DRAMA!  Ugh!  So angering!

Sew sew sew... And in another highlight that could have been teased from the top of the season: "Heidi visits the work room for the first time in Project Runway history!"  

Heidi: "That's ugly, right?"
Tim: "Yet amusing!"

First up, Seth Aaron.  He's making a black gown with Seth Aaron signature touches.  Heidi gives the advice: "There's nothing wrong with black, simple and long.  But I feel like there needs to be a little more something somewhere."  Awesome.  

Anthony is making a dress that could double as a black & white cookie.  It looks gorgeous (and tasty!).  He explains the fall of the dress to Heidi and that it will "move."  Tim calls it "potentially exciting"!  HAHA!

Kenley... oops, I mean Emilio, is next.  He explains how he needs to extend the sequined dress by sewing it on a bias.  Heidi yells, "It's going to be very very difficult!" To wit Tim punctuates with, "Mm-hmm!"

Jay is next.  He explains the ruffles and Heidi warns him that women don't like to look bigger than they are.  Heidi then has to give him an anatomy lesson on boobs since he seems to think there's a large gap between them. 

Heidi: "See, these are boobs."

Tim: "I'm going to be sick."

Mila shows her dress to Heidi and worries it's too simple.  Heidi says it's not too simple, "But are the other dresses better?"  

Jonathan is last and he shows his cut-away fabric he's done, complimented with a coral fabric.  Heidi likes the coral, but thinks the cut-away textile looks like curtains.  Yeeks.  All that time Jonathan put into this effect, down the drain.  8 hours.  Gone.  But she loves the coral color.  Tim reminds him that he has 4 hours to show his versatility after the critique.  Ugh.  What a stomach punch!

Jonathan explains that the dress Heidi wants would take a week to complete - thank you for saying that!!  If only it were a 2 day challenge, maybe he'd have a chance.

The models come in and they calmly react to Maya leaving.  UGH.  Really?  Is everyone on Xanax??

Jonathan starts a second dress... doesn't like it... starts a third dress.  

Let's jump to the runway... the rest is just technical sewing and whatnot that is just not exciting at all, even though it should be given the Valeria/Maya exit and the Anthony/Cerri comeback!

THE RUNWAY:

On the runway Heidi introduces Kors, Garcia and their "celebrity" judge (WHY COULDN'T SHE BE THE CELEB THEY WERE DESIGNING FOR???) Jessica Alba:

Jessica: "They just found me shopping in Macy's about 2  minutes ago.

I had nothing else going on, so here I am."

Let's start the show!

JAY:

Jay states as the dress goes down the runway: "I guess I like big butts!"

Heidi loves the corset but the volume on the bottom is too much.  Kors reminds Jay that no woman wants to look like she has big hips.  Nina agrees that she looks wide when she's a tiny girl.  Jessica agrees.  I think the whole thing is a disaster.  While it's well made, it's got too much going on and not much that's flattering.   Despite this, Jay's safe and continues on to next week.

MILA:

OH dear.  Who took this picture and thought it was okay to post.  She looks like a deer in headlights..  And also, why does she look so WIDE??

Jessica likes the dress and mentions that she wears them a lot (not a compliment to Mila's design as it's BEEN DONE which is something that Maya got knocked for with her elements dress, but Mila escapes the same criticism??) but the bust is too wide.  Kors agrees, and so do I.  UGH.  Awful.  Her boobs look like they need a leash.  Nina comments that it looks like something one of the Houswives of NJ would wear.  (OUCH but HAAHAHAHAAA!)

Heidi calls it simple and not a show stopper.  But Mila squeaks by AGAIN and continues on to next week.

SETH AARON:

First of all, anybody else think that Cerri is a combo of Kate Moss & Marilyn Monroe?  Seriously, this girl is gorgeous!

Nina criticizes SA for over-thinking the design and that it may not be that flattering on Heidi.  Kors gives a backwards compliment about how this dress would be on the girl handing you the trophy, but not on the winner.  Okay?  I love it, but I know that I would look VERY hippy in it and not in that sexy way that it would look on a curvy gal.  Jessica says it's not like a dress she's ever seen on Heidi. (UM, isn't that the point?!)   Heidi wants more cleavage and wow.  Either way, Seth Aaron is safe!   PHEW!

WINNER - EMILIO!  (GRR!)

Emilio says he was inspired by the fabric because it looks like liquid gold.  And yeah, this will look great with flashbulbs going off around it.  I hate that Emilio made a show stopper and deserved the win.  He pisses me off so much...

Kors calls it "impeccable" and compliments the styling of the model.  (Who does look gorgeous in this dress, but I worry that anybody bigger than a size negative 0 might not look as good in this...)  Heidi loves that it's sexy and has an amazing fit.  Nina congratulates him on not making this look cheap.  

AND THE SECOND WINNER - ANTHONY!  (YAY!)

Heidi loves his dress to which Anthony proclaims (in the spirit of Easter), "Oh Jesus."  Jessica loves the flow and movement.  Kors tells Anthony that he's "finally in your zone!"  Nina agrees that its definitely a red carpet dress.  And the reason this also wins is because Jessica would like to wear it.  GO ANTHONY!  Cover of Marie Claire and a dress on the red carpet.  Outstanding!  Welcome back!  

AUF'D... JONATHAN:

Too short, too sloppy and FABULOUS SHOES!  Jonathan explains that this is the third dress, which explains why it looks rushed.  Kors says you can see it.  Nina hates the colors and tells him that it won't photograph.  So Jonathan is out... I get it.  Jay and Mila's were tailored better than his...  Sigh...

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY:  Uuuuuuuuuuuuughh.  Cerri is cut again.  BOOOO!

******

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Project Runway Blog...

... will get posted on Monday.  This weekend is being spent with my family!  

I have a lot to say about this past episode.  So hang tight.  I'll come out of my candy coma by Monday afternoon or so.  Maybe.  Unless I quit and leave my name tag on my dressform.  Like people do.

Until then, make it work!