Dear Retail Store,
Twas the morn before Labor Day, when all through the store,
people were shopping for bargains galore!
The sale signs were hung on their racks with care,
in hopes that suckers would soon buy their wares.
And my friend with her purse, and I in one of my hoodies,
had just set out hunting for end of summer goodies.
When over in Lawn Care there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from Women's Wear to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a big ol’ sleigh and… eight plastic reindeer...?
I quickly looked over and said to my friend,
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it, like, Labor Day Weekend?"
And then in a twinkling I heard over a speaker,
the electronic stylings of Manheim Steamroller.
My eyes, how they reddened. My knuckles, stiffly cracking!
My temper like a flare gun, and my tact severely lacking.
I tracked down a manager, “Why so early?!”
To which he chirped, “To make a profit, surely!”
Then I jumped in my car, and revved the engine a spell.
My holiday spirit had gone straight to hell.
And they heard me exclaim as I drove out of sight:
"Early Christmas decorations are a blight!"
Buy a calendar!