I just haven't made the time to write in recent years. That's right, it's my fault. I can't say that I don't have time because I have found time to do other things like post ridiculous status updates on Facebook, take copious amounts of photos of my dog in the same exact position with the same exact look on her face, and to iron my hoodies. (Okay, that last one is a joke. I don't iron.)
I recently read (actually, listened to) Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. This book made me cry. It was an amazing cry. It was the cry that finally let out a bucket load of pent up fear, self judgement, and creative stagnation.
Since I left the entertainment industry I've become scared of writing as in my mind it went from being a vocation to being a hobby. I simply didn't know how to handle the transition. For some reason, for me, the word "hobby" felt... small. Unimportant. Like I'm suddenly that weird uncle who "tinkers" instead of a strong woman who creates. Why was this transition so paralyzing? Why was I even labeling it a "transition"? I don't have answers to that. All I know is that I suddenly became very afraid of people judging me for not being a "real" writer and for some reason, this really mattered to me.
Back to Elizabeth's book....
Hearing her describe the fear she went through as a writer was like an old friend wrapping a blanket around my shoulders and offering me a cup of tea. It was comfort in the form of support. I was able to digest that I'm not alone, nobody is judging me except me, and my fears are of my own doing. What a great revelation... and right on time.
So here's my plan: It's NaMoWriMo coming up and I'm going to use this to jumpstart my journey back into being an active writer. My plan, to simply write daily in this blog. That's all. No word limits. No big goals other that, "Put words here and hit 'publish.'" To help myself succeed, I'm going to use my favorite habit tracking app (perfctday) so I can watch my writing streak increase with each passing day. (Also, I love metrics... I'm sure I'll blog about that at some point.) I will also post my ramblings on social media so you can follow the journey.
So here it is. First day of writing = done. And it didn't hurt! Much.
PS - I should note that I understand that this whole "fear of writing" post is a first world problem to the gazillionth degree. I'm grateful that this is my biggest fear.