You Don't Have To Look Far....

Sometimes I hate that my local bodega is far funnier (albeit unintentionally) than I can ever be.  Behold, their genius...

Obviously a nice perk to being Superman,
as I'm sure he's parched after leaping over buildings in a single bound.
I know I get thirsty after a stroll around the block.

Extra "icy" at no extra charge.

Stay tuned for more!

My First Black Eye (AKA: Why I Will Never Be A Spy)

There are many things in life that I know I will never be.  Here's a brief sample:

* Handyman

* Truck driver

* Really any blue collar job because I'm completely inept

* Really any job that has to do with money because math scares me

* Government spy

* Army person

* Tough person

* Any job that doesn't require crying

Okay, so that's just an overview of jobs I'm not qualified for, but I think you get the gist.  

Back to my black eye....

If you are new to my blog, you need to know that I have a 9-lbs Chihuahua named Maggie.  But now her name is "The Fist."  Why?  Cuz she head-punched me with her head this weekend and now I look like this:

WHAH!
(And where did those crows feet come from?  DAMMIT!)

Okay, shut up, I know it only looks like I went a little crazy with purple eye shadow but I assure you that THIS REALLY HURT(S) and was quite swollen last night upon impact. And what was that impact? Maggie jumped up as I bent over.  (TWSS.) 

For those of you who have never been punched by your dog (or as Lifetime Television calls it, "falling into a door knob,") this is what happens after your brain registers that you have indeed been domestically roughed up by your canine:

* Try not to cry

* Try not to throw up

* Make sure Maggie is okay

* Keep trying not to throw up

* See stars

* CRY FULL FORCE

* Ice my eye 

* CRY, WHIMPER, and TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR PAIN

I estimate the crying lasted anywhere from 20 minutes to 3 hours.  Give or take. I wasn't really keeping track.

So overall, this incident is just another notch in my "Delicate Daisy" belt.  But it did allow me to just instant message the following sentence to my friend: "Maggie basically fisted me with her head."  So... that's a win.

And by the way, I will now watch all movies and LAUGH when someone gets punched and then just pops back up like it "ain't no thing."  Cuz that's bullshit. Someday when I write/star/direct a film, I'll have a punching scene where everyone stops after one punch, cries, blogs and has tea.  THAT is much more realistic.

So I'll continue to not pursue a career as a top notch government spy and continue to be a Delicate Daisy.  After all, it seems to be what I'm naturally good at. 

The High Line, NYC

One of the best things about June in NYC is that it isn't completely balls ass hot yet.  (Classy right out of the gate, kids!) Last night, I played tourist in my own town and walked the High Line, which is an elevated park along the lower west side of Manhattan. I took a lot of pictures (because I'm on Instagram and I'm somewhat addicted, shut up) and wanted to share! Enjoy!

High Line Architecture

Looking down on traffic under the High Line

Projection on side of building, High Line

Twilight on the High Line

House peeping on the High Line

Perfect sign for the end of the day (42nd Street Subway Station)

My dog doesn't have a problem - WHY DO YOU ASK?

I don't expect the ASPCA to be calling me anytime soon.