Friday, August 19, 2011

Online Dating

We've all done it, it's our dirty little secret. Or public secret.  Or just maybe it's just dirty.  Either way, I'm speaking about online dating, aka  The Scurge of our Century.

Online dating seems to be the only way I can meet someone, especially in NYC.  It's weird that in a city of 2984304809484 people living on top of each other (that's what she said) I've met nobody in real life, just cyber life.  Bygones.

Anyway, I believe I will be alone a little bit longer as I received this email today.  There is SO MUCH wrong with it that I barely know where to begin.  Please brace yourself and read:

Coming across your profile i have some feelings in me, Your beautiful smile that happens to come on your face,charming face which all men wants but something special which all men dont see and that is your heart which contain so much that i will love to get to know more about ..i will be glad if you give me the moment to get to know more about you.
Your smile proves so much,you are a woman with a charming smile which shows a longer and future relationship,which a man will pray for that man who knows the worth of a family.Something is special about you and that is your high sence of humor..Hmmmm..you are a God gift.then why dont you be my gift as well..you will wonder how much i know this but remember that eyes is the mirrow of the heart and soul.
Yeah i am far away from you,which i think might be a problem but i think sometimes you meet people near you getting to know them and at the end of the day they break your heart but precisely i really wanted to relocate for my business expansion and for the happiness of a beautiful family which i pray for. I will love to hear from you soon,
Hope to read a reply from you soon.


#1:  No, you will neither hear nor will you read a reply from me soon.
#2:  SPELLING!  Ask God for the gift of spell check!
#3:  I am a God Gift, that is your only correct item in this email.  Well done.
#4:  We won't be having a family together.  Gross.
#5:  Did you go to public school?  If so you owe a lot of tax payers their money back.

Sigh....

So the search continues.  The bar is set pretty low, but unless the next guy calls me a God Gift, I'm not sure we have a future together.

11 comments:

  1. If I had to guess, English isn't his first language. But I love the first line, "I have some feelings in me." Awesome.

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  2. His profile says he's in NYC (yikes?) but wow. I have some feelings inside me that say, "No thanks!" ;)

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  3. Now, now, now he is willing to relocate just so he can be near you, "God Gift." As another one of God's gifts to the world I can attest you are one as well.

    Great post as always.

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  4. Thanks for the hearty laugh so early in the morning! I just received some weird looks from the people at the desks around me. Totally worth it! God gift is right. I'm so going to use that.

    I say, take heart and have patience, my friend (I know, that P word sucks beyond measure). I just simply gave up the latter part of last year and determined I was destined for a single life without a soul mate. Then I met him in January. It's true, it'll happen when you least expect it. :)

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  5. This guy reminds me a bit of Billy Crystal's Fernando character from SNL. "This is from my heart, which is deep inside my body".

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZl3gGV4H6c

    LOL.Hang in there Ms. Biddy, surely there is someone else out there who can appreciate your high sence of humor!

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  6. I am so willing to be, he copies and past that to all the ladies. My sister and I were on the same sight...sad I know... but we both received almost identical emails from the dame guy... we that that was pretty funny. Biut he did get the God's gift right!

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  7. That would be "willing to bet" not willing to be.... maybe is should go out with him.. we speech good together.

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  8. I am sure this guy cut and paste this exact email to a million different girls. But I had to share - it's just waaaaay to awesome.

    xoxo,
    God Gift

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  9. Online dating will obviously only get you a great guy in a bad place.

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  10. I'm bummed you didn't like my letter. Rude! :p Yeah pretty sure he used one of those free non-english to english translators. He needs his money back if he actually paid for it.

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  11. Nice blog,Online dating (OD) or Internet dating is a dating system which allows individuals,
    couples and groups to make contact and communicate with each,keep posting.
    online dating

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