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Hello, readers! Welcome to my thoughts on Episode 2: Electric Boogaloo.
First up, biddy needs to rant: Oh hooray, another 90 minute episode. 90 minutes. 9.0. Holy thimbles, this is a long show. Look, I get why they made the show longer, we all complained last season that we weren't seeing enough story in the workroom and that the final runway show went by way too fast at the end of every episode. I get it. I also get that Models of the Runway had its problems and needed to go as its own show. HOWEVER, I miss knowing the models. I miss their behind the scene stories on the designers and their wispy opinions of the clothes they wear and if their Piperlime accessories were thoughtfully chosen or not. They added color to the workroom and let us know some behind the scenes stuff about the designers. Now that they are back to being walking mannequins, their silence is deafening.
Still ranting, Part 2: , I was talking to a fellow PR watcher/sufferer from LA Friday night and he had the observation: "Did you notice that the show open has Heidi saying, 'For these 17 designers...' I thought the first episode didn't 'count' so isn't it 16 designers?" And right you are, sir. McKell was apparently not even part of Season 8, even though she was in the (non) show opener of Season 8. (Maybe it was all just a dream? Were we all incepted??) So with that logic, the show open should say 16 designers, not 17. (Although, all 17 stand behind Heidi as she says this... yes, I counted.) Yes? No? I dunno. Either way, the Producers biffed the logic of what was going on in the first episode if I have to dedicate an entire paragraph which could have been summed up with the statement: "Say wha--?" followed by some uncontrolled drooling and rolling around on the floor while chirping like a dolphin. (What? You don't do that?)
Hmph. Onwards.
The show opens as the designers wake up in the Atlas apartments. (Nobody is making bacon without their shirt on, I'd like to note.) April calls Peach her "surrogate mother." Um.... yeah? She's gestationally carrying you right now? Yeah? A'ight. I'd use the word "adoptive" or "proxy" but that's just me. Meanwhile in the boys' room, Nicholas points out that Andy South has an air brush for his make-up application, and Mondo sulks in the bathroom about not making friends. Wheeeeeeeee.
Time to head out and get their challenge!
Up on the roof, the designers ponder when the Producers
gave up on originally locations for issuing challenges.
UGH! Really? Episode 2 and we're on a roof? Shiz! Okay, keep it together, Biddy, maybe they are going to get a relevant challenge that has to do with being on a roof. Like, "be inspired by the skyline of NYC" or "the sky is your inspiration" or "if a roof was a dress, what would that look like?" kind of thing. Or... design a look for the typical Marie Claire woman. Gack.
Tim: "I assert that the editor from Marie Claire wearing high waisted Mom capris."
Heidi: "Yeah and I'm wearing leggings. Deal with it, old man."
The winner will have their look put on a billboard in Times Square. Okay, not a bad win at all, however, having just walked through Times Square last night, (THANKS, MTA for your f'ed up weekend schedule!) I can tell you that I was too busy fighting tourists to notice anything on a billboard, much less anything above knee level.
Back to Parsons to sketch...
Mondo wishes he had a Wonder Twin
so he could activate his superhero cuff.
Michael D: "I read it for the articles. I swear."
Jason pretends to sketch when really he's drawing up a plan
to steal Mondo and Michael's hats, because there can only be ONE hat guy.
During Tim Gunn's critique, Jason shows just really how much of an ass-clown he is. He's just a douche. There, I said it. He doesn't care about anybody's opinion other than his (misguided) own and is so arrogant and entitled that he makes Paris Hilton look like a peg-legged beggar in Calcutta. I don't like him. Nope. Not at all.
At this point Tim tells the designers about a second element to their challenge. (But he doesn't say "Designers, gather 'round," which made me sad.) He tells them that they will have a photo shoot before the runway. Jason gets his straight wad all in a tizzy about not having enough time to finish his look and I swear he really thinks he's the only person in this competition.
Back to sewing....
April: "How's it going, Gestational Mom?"
Peach: "I'm going to buy you a dictionary for Christmas."
Sarah and Kristin marvel at how they are photo negatives of each other.
They also marvel at how little air time they have received.
Models come in for their fittings and Casanova bothers everyone by asking for their opinions. Peach is on outfit number 393043843. Let's gestate some confidence, lady!
Mondo continues to weave a cocoon of solitude around himself and then tells us that it's his talent that curses him socially. Um... everyone else in the room with talent (sans Jason) is able to make friends, Mondo. Just say, "hi," to someone. I swear it'll be okay.
Nicholas complains that his model has big boobs. SHUT UP. I'm just so over designers complaining about models having ANY body fat. SHUT. UP. It's Season 8. Find something new to complain about! (So that I may also find something new to complain about...)
Back at Atlas, HOW do the designers have time to chat and drink wine when they have to get up in like 4 hours? HOW? Oh I'm old. That little sleep would kill me.
DAY #2! Time for the photoshoot and then the runway!
"I love how these lobster trap shoes make my legs look so thick!"
SAFE:
Christopher:
LOVE this look and LOVE this model. Great pose and great runway walk and she OWNS this outfit. Oh it doesn't hurt that Mr. Hotness made this outfit either. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Love fest for the Biddy. Mwah!
MICHAEL C (without the hat):
Tim Gunn called this matronly, but I sorta like it. It's super short which is anything but matronly. I think it has a soft sophistication as well as youthfulness. I like but could never wear it for fear of the Age Appropriate Police taking me away...
A.J.:
So the Marie Claire woman wants to be a bumblebee? Bleh. And let's talk make-up for a second since styling is so important (all of a sudden) this year. BOOO! Too dark! And too many necklaces! BOO! And the weird boxiness around the belt is awkward, but AJ saw that on the runway and noted that it looked like she was impregnated by an alien. I like AJ, I feel like he has a critical eye and can see that his design has flaws, which means he'll only keep getting better.
MICHAEL D (wears a hat):
Interesting. Sewn well, looks good, until she turns around...
<------------- WOW that is short: "I see London, I see France, I don't think she's wearing underpants."
IVY:
Zzzzzzzzz. Boring. BUT, if I were in the bottom in the first episode, I'd probably go super safe in the next. So I get it. Come on, Ivy! Show us what you got!
SARAH:
No. I don't like it. The seems look puckered, the edging is odd and the skirt looks off center. BUT I do like the matching purse she made to go with it. THAT is awesome and is probably what saved the outfit since she thought about styling and went the extra distance.
ANDY:
I kinda like this. The pants I would never wear, but the look nice on a stick thin model. (Also, there's no crazy crotch! HUZZAH!) I love these colors together and I LOVE that the model is smiling! (Sarah's model above could take a lesson and loosen up on that SCOWL.) The blouse is interesting as you can wear it sleeveless (runway) or with sleeves (photograph). Nice - I like a lot!
CASANOVA:
If I were a 25-year-old Mother Of the Bride, this would be perfect. But I'm not, and NOBODY SHOULD BE, so this is just a well done matronly miss.
KRISTIN:
Meh. The side/hem looks like a mistake and the ruffle looks old and stuffy. But there are way worse designs, so this is safe. Which we already knew since I'm sure most of you are saying, "Wait, to the F is Kristin, again? Is she still on the show?" Yeah...
APRIL:
OKAY - were the designers only allowed gray, purple, black or yellow in this challenge??? What's up with the color choices??
This look is way boring because I find the model boring. She looks the same in her pic as she does on the runway. I don't like the big bun on top and the top of the dress is just too fussy. Not something I'd go for.
WINNER:
GRETCHEN - again!
This outfit looks better in the photo shoot than the runway. Straight on she's got battle ship hips. I think this look won because the model is so strong in her photograph.
It's a love fest for Gretchen. They love it all. Heidi of course loves that you can unzip the front to show off the boobs. Oh Heidi, a boob girl to the end.
TOP 2:
VALERIE:
LOVE. Simple, yet innovative and the color is bold and awesome. Also, this model is fabulous. The pic is great and she rocks the runway. The pleating details are amazing. Tailored beautifully. LOVE. In my opinion, this should have WON.
Valerie explains that she wanted simple, NY and elegant. Nailed it! The judges love the dress and agree that it will look sensational on a billboard.
MONDO:
Huh. LOVE the photography but the overall look is WAY too busy for my taste. And is that a piece of Peach's dress in her front ruffle??
Mondo based his look upon the opening credits of Mary Tyler Moore which speaks to the editor of Marie Claire because that show inspired her to move to the US. They love the energy and bounce of the whole look and the graphic texture.
I have to be honest, it looks like cheap Forever 21 to me. I'm I wrong?
"I don't need your approval, you dumb Biddy,
as the judges like me. They really like me.
Despite these glasses, they like me."
ALMOST AUF'D...
PEACH:
First, this model is as dull as a tire with a slow leak. She gave Peach NOTHING during the photo shoot and she's pretty bland on the runway, which doens't help Peach as she needs a kick ass model who can own the look and sell it as well. This model merely wears it. Not good enough.
Peach likes polka dots as they say "youth" to her. Heidi lets her know that she has completely missed the mark on the Marie Claire woman by saying: "This looks like ladies at lunch." Kors calls it an Amish cocktail dress.
But let's chat about the back of the dress:
The editor for Marie Claire said it looks like there's an animal slithering down her back. Poor Peach. She thinks this is the best part of the dress!
I gotta lay it down: I love Peach. I want Peach to go far in this competition. BUT in the words of Sir Gunn, "I'm worried."
AUF'D:
JASON - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO GLAD HE'S GONE. He yaks about how this dress has the infinity symbol in it but all I see is a hot mess. Styling is terrible, fit is terrible and her BELLY BUTTON is showing through the safety pins in the photograph.
The judges are just baffled: this would look like crap on a billboard and nobody that reads Marie Claire would wear this look, unless they are homeless and found the issue in a dumpster. THIS IS TERRIBLE. Kors likens it to a satin bedspread or a "walk of shame" dress. (I always pack a separate shitty dress to walk home in, how smart Kors...) The judges continue to just degrade Jason and the dress but Jason is impervious and tells them that this is "him for Marie Claire." Dumb bunny. He then starts tugging on the dress and Heidi asks: "What are you doing now? Showing us her underwear?"
My guess - Jason was brought on the show for his character, not his sewing skills. And now he's gone. He's so gone that he didn't wait for Tim Gunn to tell him to clean up his work space, he just bolted.
I really wish there was a soundbite or two or twelve from his poor model. She rolled her eyes and looked SOOOO uncomfortable. I'd have loved to hear what she had to say!
BUT WAIT ... also auf'd is NICHOLAS!!! What?! Heidi said: "ONE OF YOU WILL BE OUT." Not two!!!
But I like Nicolas! Yeah, this outfit is weird and the hole in the back is odd... BUT AT LEAST BOYFRIEND CAN SEW and has never resorted to staples and safety pins. I think eliminating him in the same round as Jason is really a slap in the face to Nicholas. Sigh...
The judges hate it. It's too much, the skirt is weird, the cape is ugly and the aforementioned hole in the back is... odd.
YIPES. I agree. BAD. But for some reason, I don't think Nicholas should be going home this challenge. He's just nowhere near as bad as Jason was.
I felt AWFUL for Nicholas started to cry. AWFUL. He was so sweet and I like him. That was just sad and a little heartstring pulling. Whah.
Later on... Gretchen gets to see her photo shoot which IS NOT with her model but with a professional model named Coco Rocha. (Boy, that's gotta sting her model who won it for her on the runway!)
And then... does this look like a billboard or a banner wrapped around a lonely building?
That's all for this week... next week looks CRAZY. Unconventional item challenge! Designer strife! And ... who leaves via ambulance?!?
