Project Runway - Season 8 - Episode 2 - "Dire Straight(s)"

Last week: Guess what, designers, you're still auditioning, the show hasn't officially started yet even though its on the air!  With just 5 hours and a piece of clothing from a fellow designer's suitcase, Gretchen walks away with the first (non) win and McKell is (non) auf'd for knowing how to sew, but choosing an ugly purse.  Yep, that seems fair.

Anybody else think this year the show should be called "Project Styling" because none of the judges seem concerned with the doofus (Jason) who can't freakin' sew.

***

Hello, readers!  Welcome to my thoughts on Episode 2: Electric Boogaloo.

First up, biddy needs to rant: Oh hooray, another 90 minute episode.  90 minutes.  9.0.  Holy thimbles, this is a long show.  Look, I get why they made the show longer, we all complained last season that we weren't seeing enough story in the workroom and that the final runway show went by way too fast at the end of every episode.  I get it.  I also get that Models of the Runway had its problems and needed to go as its own show.  HOWEVER, I miss knowing the models.  I miss their behind the scene stories on the designers and their wispy opinions of the clothes they wear and if their Piperlime accessories were thoughtfully chosen or not.   They added color to the workroom and let us know some behind the scenes stuff about the designers.  Now that they are back to being walking mannequins, their silence is deafening.

Still ranting, Part 2: , I was talking to a fellow PR watcher/sufferer from LA Friday night and he had the observation: "Did you notice that the show open has Heidi saying, 'For these 17 designers...'  I thought the first episode didn't 'count' so isn't it 16 designers?"  And right you are, sir.  McKell was apparently not even part of Season 8, even though she was in the (non) show opener of Season 8.  (Maybe it was all just a dream?  Were we all incepted??) So with that logic, the show open should say 16 designers, not 17.  (Although, all 17 stand behind Heidi as she says this... yes, I counted.)  Yes?  No?  I dunno.  Either way, the Producers biffed the logic of what was going on in the first episode if I have to dedicate an entire paragraph which could have been summed up with the statement: "Say wha--?" followed by some uncontrolled drooling and rolling around on the floor while chirping like a dolphin.  (What?  You don't do that?)

Hmph.  Onwards.

The show opens as the designers wake up in the Atlas apartments.  (Nobody is making bacon without their shirt on, I'd like to note.)  April calls Peach her "surrogate mother."  Um....  yeah?  She's gestationally carrying you right now?  Yeah?  A'ight.  I'd use the word "adoptive" or "proxy" but that's just me.  Meanwhile in the boys' room,  Nicholas points out that Andy South has an air brush for his make-up application, and Mondo sulks in the bathroom about not making friends.  Wheeeeeeeee.

Time to head out and get their challenge!

Up on the roof, the designers ponder when the Producers

gave up on originally locations for issuing challenges.

UGH!  Really?  Episode 2 and we're on a roof?  Shiz!  Okay, keep it together, Biddy, maybe they are going to get a relevant challenge that has to do with being on a roof.  Like, "be inspired by the skyline of NYC" or "the sky is your inspiration" or "if a roof was a dress, what would that look like?" kind of thing.  Or... design a look for the typical Marie Claire woman.  Gack.

Tim: "I assert that the editor from Marie Claire wearing high waisted Mom capris."

Heidi: "Yeah and I'm wearing leggings.  Deal with it, old man."

The winner will have their look put on a billboard in Times Square.  Okay, not a bad win at all, however, having just walked through Times Square last night, (THANKS, MTA for your f'ed up weekend schedule!) I can tell you that I was too busy fighting tourists to notice anything on a billboard, much less anything above knee level.

Back to Parsons to sketch...

Mondo wishes he had a Wonder Twin 

so he could activate his superhero cuff.

Michael D: "I read it for the articles.  I swear."

Jason pretends to sketch when really he's drawing up a plan

to steal Mondo and Michael's hats, because there can only be ONE hat guy.

During Tim Gunn's critique, Jason shows just really how much of an ass-clown he is.  He's just a douche.  There, I said it.  He doesn't care about anybody's opinion other than his (misguided) own and is so arrogant and entitled that he makes Paris Hilton look like a peg-legged beggar in Calcutta.  I don't like him.  Nope.  Not at all.

At this point Tim tells the designers about a second element to their challenge.  (But he doesn't say  "Designers, gather 'round," which made me sad.)  He tells them that they will have a photo shoot before the runway.  Jason gets his straight wad all in a tizzy about not having enough time to finish his look and I swear he really thinks he's the only person in this competition.

Back to sewing....

April: "How's it going, Gestational Mom?"

Peach: "I'm going to buy you a dictionary for Christmas."

Sarah and Kristin marvel at how they are photo negatives of each other.

They also marvel at how little air time they have received.

Models come in for their fittings and Casanova bothers everyone by asking for their opinions.  Peach is on outfit number 393043843.  Let's gestate some confidence, lady!

Mondo continues to weave a cocoon of solitude around himself and then tells us that it's his talent that curses him socially.  Um... everyone else in the room with talent (sans Jason) is able to make friends, Mondo.  Just say, "hi," to someone.  I swear it'll be okay.

Nicholas complains that his model has big boobs.  SHUT UP.  I'm just so over designers complaining about models having ANY body fat.  SHUT. UP.  It's Season 8.  Find something new to complain about!  (So that I may also find something new to complain about...)

Back at Atlas, HOW do the designers have time to chat and drink wine when they have to get up in like 4 hours?  HOW?  Oh I'm old.  That little sleep would kill me.

DAY #2!  Time for the photoshoot and then the runway!

"I love how these lobster trap shoes make my legs look so thick!"

SAFE:

Christopher:

 

LOVE this look and LOVE this model.  Great pose and great runway walk and she OWNS this outfit.  Oh it doesn't hurt that Mr. Hotness made this outfit either.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Love fest for the Biddy.  Mwah!

MICHAEL C (without the hat): 

Tim Gunn called this matronly, but I sorta like it.  It's super short which is anything but matronly.  I think it has a soft sophistication as well as youthfulness.  I like but could never wear it for fear of the Age Appropriate Police taking me away...

A.J.:

So the Marie Claire woman wants to be a bumblebee?  Bleh.  And let's talk make-up for a second since styling is so important (all of a sudden) this year.  BOOO!  Too dark!  And too many necklaces!  BOO!  And the weird boxiness around the belt is awkward, but AJ saw that on the runway and noted that it looked like she was impregnated by an alien. I like AJ, I feel like he has a critical eye and can see that his design has flaws, which means he'll only keep getting better.

MICHAEL D (wears a hat):

Interesting.  Sewn well, looks good, until she turns around...

<------------- WOW that is short: "I see London, I see France, I don't think she's wearing underpants."

IVY:

Zzzzzzzzz.  Boring.  BUT, if I were in the bottom in the first episode, I'd probably go super safe in the next.  So I get it.  Come on, Ivy!  Show us what you got!

SARAH:

No.  I don't like it.  The seems look puckered, the edging is odd and the skirt looks off center.  BUT I do like the matching purse she made to go with it.  THAT is awesome and is probably what saved the outfit since she thought about styling and went the extra distance.

ANDY:

I kinda like this.  The pants I would never wear, but the look nice on a stick thin model.  (Also, there's no crazy crotch!  HUZZAH!)  I love these colors together and I LOVE that the model is smiling!  (Sarah's model above could take a lesson and loosen up on that SCOWL.)  The blouse is interesting as you can wear it sleeveless (runway) or with sleeves (photograph).  Nice - I like a lot! 

CASANOVA:

If I were a 25-year-old Mother Of the Bride, this would be perfect.  But I'm not, and NOBODY SHOULD BE, so this is just a well done matronly miss.

KRISTIN:

Meh.  The side/hem looks like a mistake and the ruffle looks old and stuffy.  But there are way worse designs, so this is safe.  Which we already knew since I'm sure most of you are saying, "Wait, to the F is Kristin, again? Is she still on the show?"  Yeah...

APRIL:

OKAY - were the designers only allowed gray, purple, black or yellow in this challenge???  What's up with the color choices??

This look is way boring because I find the model boring.  She looks the same in her pic as she does on the runway.  I don't like the big bun on top and the top of the dress is just too fussy.  Not something I'd go for.

WINNER:

GRETCHEN - again!

This outfit looks better in the photo shoot than the runway.  Straight on she's got battle ship hips.  I think this look won because the model is so strong in her photograph.

It's a love fest for Gretchen.  They love it all.  Heidi of course loves that you can unzip the front to show off the boobs.  Oh Heidi, a boob girl to the end.

TOP 2:

VALERIE:

LOVE.  Simple, yet innovative and the color is bold and awesome.  Also, this model is fabulous.  The pic is great and she rocks the runway.  The pleating details are amazing.  Tailored beautifully.  LOVE.  In my opinion, this should have WON.

Valerie explains that she wanted simple, NY and elegant.  Nailed it!  The judges love the dress and agree that it will look sensational on a billboard.

MONDO:

Huh.  LOVE the photography but the overall look is WAY too busy for my taste.  And is that a piece of Peach's dress in her front ruffle??  

Mondo based his look upon the opening credits of Mary Tyler Moore which speaks to the editor of Marie Claire because that show inspired her to move to the US.  They love the energy and bounce of the whole look and the graphic texture.  

I have to be honest, it looks like cheap Forever 21 to me.  I'm I wrong?

"I don't need your approval, you dumb Biddy,

as the judges like me.  They really like me.

Despite these glasses, they like me."

ALMOST AUF'D...

PEACH:

First, this model is as dull as a tire with a slow leak.  She gave Peach NOTHING during the photo shoot and she's pretty bland on the runway, which doens't help Peach as she needs a kick ass model who can own the look and sell it as well.  This model merely wears it.  Not good enough.

Peach likes polka dots as they say "youth" to her.  Heidi lets her know that she has completely missed the mark on the Marie Claire woman by saying: "This looks like ladies at lunch."  Kors calls it an Amish cocktail dress.  

But let's chat about the back of the dress:

The editor for Marie Claire said it looks like there's an animal slithering down her back.  Poor Peach.  She thinks this is the best part of the dress!  

I gotta lay it down: I love Peach.  I want Peach to go far in this competition.  BUT in the words of Sir Gunn, "I'm worried."

AUF'D:

JASON - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

SO GLAD HE'S GONE.  He yaks about how this dress has the infinity symbol in it but all I see is a hot mess.  Styling is terrible, fit is terrible and her BELLY BUTTON is showing through the safety pins in the photograph.  

The judges are just baffled: this would look like crap on a billboard and nobody that reads Marie Claire would wear this look, unless they are homeless and found the issue in a dumpster.  THIS IS TERRIBLE.  Kors likens it to a satin bedspread or a "walk of shame" dress.  (I always pack a separate shitty dress to walk home in, how smart Kors...)  The judges continue to just degrade Jason and the dress but Jason is impervious and tells them that this is "him for Marie Claire."  Dumb bunny.  He then starts tugging on the dress and Heidi asks: "What are you doing now?  Showing us her underwear?"  

My guess - Jason was brought on the show for his character, not his sewing skills.  And now he's gone.  He's so gone that he didn't wait for Tim Gunn to tell him to clean up his work space, he just bolted.

I really wish there was a soundbite or two or twelve from his poor model.  She rolled her eyes and looked SOOOO uncomfortable.  I'd have loved to hear what she had to say!

BUT WAIT ... also auf'd is NICHOLAS!!!  What?!  Heidi said: "ONE OF YOU WILL BE OUT."   Not two!!!

 

But I like Nicolas!  Yeah, this outfit is weird and the hole in the back is odd... BUT AT LEAST BOYFRIEND CAN SEW and has never resorted to staples and safety pins. I think eliminating him in the same round as Jason is really a slap in the face to Nicholas.  Sigh...

The judges hate it.  It's too much, the skirt is weird, the cape is ugly and the aforementioned hole in the back is... odd.

YIPES.  I agree. BAD.  But for some reason, I don't think Nicholas should be going home this challenge.  He's just nowhere near as bad as Jason was.

I felt AWFUL for Nicholas started to cry.  AWFUL.  He was so sweet and I like him.  That was just sad and a little heartstring pulling.  Whah.

Later on... Gretchen gets to see her photo shoot which IS NOT with her model but with a professional model named Coco Rocha.  (Boy, that's gotta sting her model who won it for her on the runway!)

"Suck it."

And then... does this look like a billboard or a banner wrapped around a lonely building?

Where's Ryan Seacrest and the New Year's Ball?

Where's the M&M store?  WHERE IS TIMES SQUARE?!

Sigh...

That's all for this week... next week looks CRAZY.  Unconventional item challenge!  Designer strife!  And ... who leaves via ambulance?!?

TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!  

*******

Make sure to go to MyLifetime and Project Runway-Seen On sites

for more blogs, photos, the auction and other extras!

Read Blogging Project Runway for TONS of news

and other fan blogs!

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook

and sound off on the Season 8 discussion page on Facebook.

Project Runway - Season 8 - Episode 1 - "And We're Baaaaaaaaaack!"

Is it me or was that the shortest hiatus ever?  Granted, I've been busier than Tim Gunn at a Macy's suit sale, but still, it seems like just yesterday Seth Aaron was crowned the (obvious) Season 7 winner:

"But enough time has passed that you forgot

about my horribly out of control faux hawk, didn't you?"

Either way, it's a new season so let's get to it!

First up - the format change! 

Now the show is 90 minutes, thanks to Models of the Runway being auf'd by the network.  Interesting.  I'll miss MOTR only because we got to know the models a bit better and had more people to root for.  So far, there's not much incorporation of the models names or anything in PR yet.  (The only fun fact we learn this episode about our uber-skinny friends is that one gal has "big boobs for a model."  Wheeeeee.)  But I'll let it slide for this episode as there were 179340834 designers to introduce, so we'll see how that plays out down the line.

Another format change is that there are now soundbites from Frau Heidi and Herr Gunn.  I enjoyed this change, however the opening where they summed up each contestant in a quick bite was jarring.  It was a montage of a bunch of names and faces I didn't know and with a blitzkrieg of information my OCD brain didn't know how to categorize and store.  It was not helpful, it was disjointed and panic inducing: "Was that it?  Was that all the introduction we get?!"  (But during this part, Heidi says "figger" instead of "figure."  This has nothing to do with anything other than I think it's absolutely adorsables.)

I enjoyed that the new designers all met in different parts of the city (instead of the tired meeting in the apartment and champagne on the roof bull honkey for the past 7 seasons) but sadly this too felt quite produced.  BUT!  I do have to hand it to the producers, they TRIED to make it different.  They listened.  We, the audience, were bored to tears.  We blogged, tweeted and yell-typed about it last season until our fingers and social media devices bled.  So they tried and for that, I approve.  (Because I know they were waiting with baited breath to see if I did or not... you know, because my opinion matters SO MUCH...)

The Characters:

Let's just talk about the stand-outs, shall we?  Let's start with Casanova.  Or as I like to call him, "The New Ping."

"Casanova is my real last name.

Not my fake one.  Which is Smith."

This guy is out of his league.  I said it.  I have no idea if it's due to his loose grasp on the English language, the culture differences or that his pants are too tight and cutting off blood to his brain, but my lord this guy is in trouble in my early (and humble!) opinion.  

(NOTE:  Remember that I can not sew.  I can not design and I certainly can not style myself.  But I can pass judgement like a champ.)

Next up in the clown parade, Mondo:

"If Orville Redenbacher and John Leguizamo had a baby,

it'd be me.  Cheese!"

Quiet, soft spoken and odd.  A little like Malvin from last season (but so far, no egg outfit).  And he's one of the only designers to not already have a line already produced.  Tim mentions that he was blown away by him at his audition.  So we'll see where Orville Leguizamo takes us this season.

And this season has a biddy on it: PEACH!

"I hope there's cheese cake 

and midnight talks about St. Olaf."

I'm glad that there's a sassy elder on the show.  And she's not even really old.  Oh right, this is America, she may as well be dead.  When you turn 50 you are considered a museum piece.  Let's hope she doesn't turn to dust during the run.  I KID!  I KID!  I'll send her some Viactiv just to make sure she's okay.

The last overt character, as far as I can tell, is Jason:

"I say old chap, have I mentioned that I'm straight yet?

I'm straight.  As an arrow.  No, ignore the hat."

OH JASON.  You silly man.  Not only do you have the dandy hat, you wear a corset with your sewing tools attached.  

"No, for real, I'm straight.  WHAT?"

What the hell, dude?  You're like a modern day Sweeney Todd.  I do not get you, sir.  I do not get you.  I know you say you're straight, but for real... you're pushing it.

OH.  And this next guy isn't really a character, but here's who I think is a super cutie and has replaced Season 6's Logan as my heart's desire...  Christopher...

"First thing tomorrow, I'm taking out a restraining

order on The New Old Biddy."

And HEY, Heidi thinks he's cute too.  So nyah.  I'm allowed.  I'm not dead yet.  As a matter of fact, Heidi and I are the same age.  She just has a lot more to show than I do.  Although I'm certain that I have more crows feet to show.  Anyhoo - let's just gawk and Christopher for a moment, shall we?

"I'm the hot dude in the middle of two awkward dudes.  

Ooops, sorry lady."

"When I make this face it seems as though I care when you speak,

and girls dig that."

Alright, back to the show... begrudgingly... oh Christopher's cute.  (And I still need to get out more....)

THE CHALLENGE:

Everybody made it to Lincoln Center where Fashion Week has been relocated from Bryant Park.  

And they finally get to meet Heidi and Tim...

Heidi:  "Another season?"

Tim: "Yep.  I'm already drinking."

Tim: "Come closer, I want to motor boat your face.

Wubba wubba wubba wubba..."

Oh dear.  Anyhoo...  Heidi tells the designers that there is a twist already in the game:  They are still auditioning to be on the show.  Um, technically, this is episode 1, so they are on the show.  So it's not really a twist.  It's an episode with an elimination.  Um, that's standard.  Right?

Heidi tells them to open their suitcase and take out on piece of clothing.  She then tells them to pass it to the right and that the garment they receive will be incorporated into the look they will make for the runway show that will happen after just 5 hours of work time.  Everybody drops a figurative brick at the announcement.

Casanova is particularly put out by the news as he pulled out a pair of pants that cost $1070.  REALLY, CASANOVA???  I think if you put ALL my clothes together they wouldn't be worth that much and you dropped that kind of coin on ONE PAIR OF FREAKING PANTS?  

"Hello, Pants.  You are the only person who understands Casanova."

Don't they look like you could just get another pair for $60 at The Gap?  Moving on...

"5 hours to sew and no champagne?  Bullshit!"

At Parsons, they all get set up at their work stations and Tim lets them know that Mood has created an annex at Parsons so they don't have to travel to get their fabrics.  

"Thank you, Moooooooooooood!"

The designers are assigned models randomly (damn, no awkward kickball team line-ups!) and they all just get sewing.  Some have problems, others don't.  Some designers are focused on soooo heavily in the episode that I know they will not be joining us for the rest of the season (that apparently hasn't started yet).  Others are down right ignored to the point where when I see them later on I exclaim, "Where the hell did that person come from??!" (Note: I also startle easily...)

There's a lot of talking in this episode...  too much to sum up that really doesn't have much to do with the runway results.  So... Yakkedy-shmackedy,  let's jump to the runway!

Guest Judge... Selma Blair:

"I love a good bang."

"Me too!  We're talking about sex, right?"

SAFE!

"Oh thank God we get to sit down now..."

Kristin:

She turned a kilt into a collar.  A'ight.  This look is fine, and I agree that she should be safe and part of Season 8 (whatever) but the front side bustle isn't doing it for me.  Somehow it makes the fabric look like cheap car seat leather.  But her Piperlime accessories were indeed thoughtfully chosen.  (GAG.)

Michael C:

Yeah.  It's fine.  Again, this was a five hour challenge, so for five hours, great!  Although the severe side part on the model is off putting.  Looks like she's combing over a Bump-it.

Mondo:

Hmmmmmm.  I don't know.  Is it the dress I don't like, or the model.  Or the color?  Or the model's hair?  Or all of it?  Okay, all of it.  Sewn well, but YOINKS.  The color.  The blandness.  I've seen couches at nursing homes with more personality (and mystery colors).

A.J:

Okay.  A little Corpse Bride for my taste, but I'd wear a hoodie to a wedding, so what do I know...

Andy:

I could do without the "funeral maitai hat" as it makes the outfit look over done.  Yeah, it's the hat's fault...

Christopher:

YAY!  He's safe!  YAY!  Oh yeah, nice dress. YAY! CUTIE PANTS IS SAFE! (I know... shut up.)

Sarah:

Oh sweet lord in heaven, is that prison gear?  It looks like if you were making a women in prison film for a "sexy" film.  Why are her lips the color of death?  What the hell?  Is it me or is this crew a little morbid?

Valerie:

Not sure about the boob bandages, but other than that...  Actually I don't like much of any of it.  The colors are weird and it looks like she was given a brown paper bag as her initial item.  

Michael D:

Meh.  

Side note:  I'm guessing hats are the new faux hawks this season with designers....

Peach:

Sweet.  Cute.  I like it, but couldn't wear it.  She had a knitted scarf to use and it fell apart whenever she touched it.  So she used it in the neck and a little poof in the back.  She did what she could and looks like the broad knows how to sew.  But I worry about her fabric choices.  (See Ivy's look in the "barely safe" section...)

WINNER:  GRETCHEN (aka Granola Girl)

Our green designer from Portland pulls out a win in this non-season-8-opener-non-opener-non-episode.  I'm confused by this dress as a win as it's just a black dress.  Yes, she has weird applique (spelling??) fabric to start with, but... really?  This is the winner?  Hmph.

BARELY SAFE, but invited to Season 8...

Nicholas:

Um... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  He used the ribbing from a bomber jacket to make the awkward stole thing on her shoulders.  Needless to say, it bombed.  (I'm here all week, folks!)

April:

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are they remaking "Thriller" because this would work.  There's a lengthy discussion about how can you tell if something is deconstructed well before you know if the designer can construct.  I dunno.  I think if it looks like crap, it's crap.  This is safe only because there is worse to come...

Ivy:

She got Peach's toile pants and made... capris!  The judges were not impressed with that nor with the shirt.  I admit, not the best effort, but glad she's still there as I like her personality and I think she got stuck with only 5 hours to make something.  Hopefully she's learned she needs to push to stay on the show.  

Jason:

HOT MESS.  This is a hot disaster and deserved to go home.  He basically took the kimono he was given and turned it around. Then he used a stapler.  A FREAKING STAPLER.  Does he have a Staples Easy Button on his tool corset?  Holy Versace I don't even know where to begin.  Her hair is a scary mess, the boots are unsavory and the look on the model's face screams "get me outta here."  Oh and by the way, this is our "busty" model friend.  Yeah.  She's busty.  The straight guy made sure to say so.  

Casanova:

In his defense, he got a flowy shirt as his garment to use.  However, he didn't need to be so literal.

This "outfit" is atrocious.  Selma says it looks like it would be sold at a store called Dazzles that sells wigs and dresses.  (I think she just shared a little bit about where she bought her wig hair today, kids...)  It's just a miss.  Kors calls her a pole dancer from Dubai.  (I hear Dubai is requesting an apology.)  This look too should have gone over the one that is ultimately auf'd.

Oh and in a PR first, Nina had to ask Casanova in Spanish why he should stay on the show.  I was so taken by her Spanish that I didn't listen to his answer.  But I think that's okay because it probably made little sense in the end.

AUF'D...  McKell:

I knew she was leaving based on how much energy they put into her story/character in this non-episode.  In short: This should not have gone home.  Casanova or Jason should have been in the bottom 2 for sure, but not this.  It's constructed well.  Oh sure, the bag is a disaster according to the judges, and so is her hair, but HEY THERE, FOLKS, SHE CAN SEW.  I'm not so sure about Casanova and Jason.  

McKell: "I call shenanigans.  

And I'm not talking about my hair which I call Predator Chic."

So right off the bat, the judging makes no sense and I am angered.  Is that good or bad television?

And there you have it - the first not-episode of not-season-8!  It's all uphill from here, kids!

"That's right, I spell 'bitches' without the 't' cuz I'm an artist."

****

Please go to Lifetime and Project Runway sites for more info, photos, blogs, bios

or whatever your heart desires, it's one of these sites!

Find more fan blogs and PR news on Blogging Project Runway!

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook

and join in the Save Season 8 of Project Runway for more discussion!