My life is a clean slate! (Or how I'm justifying my complete mental breakdown)

One month ago, my life was very different.  Well, I guess I should say my reality was very different as I'm still alive and (mostly) functional.  I could childishly whine about what changed and how it negatively affected me.  (BOY COULD I!  I'm a champion whiner.  Just ask my family.  They are so happy I live 3000 miles away.  And often remind me of that.  Which I think is rude.)  In broad strokes the last three weeks of my life have shaped up like this: lost a writing gig, lost my grandmother, lost $3400 to Uncle Sam, divorce was finalized (but then recently found out, it wasn't!) and then the guy who I thought was my boyfriend after 8-months (and PS, who I had fallen in love with), let me know that he was not my boyfriend and that I would remain unloved by him.  Sigh...  I had a broken heart, broken wallet and a sad, sad soul.  It was all too much, so I did what any sane person would do.  I quit my job.  You know, that one piece of stability in my life?  Gone.  Adios.  Outta there.

Now, quitting my job has elicited two very different reactions from friends and family.  The most popular reaction is: "Ohmigod!  Holy shit!  Are you out of your mind?!  It's a recession!  People aren't working!  Grapes cost $12 at the grocery store!  You had a job!  You could afford produce!  HOW IS SOMEONE AS PRETTY AS YOU SO STUPID AND WHAT IF YOU GET SCURVY!?"  (Okay, I added the "pretty" and "scurvy" part.  I needed to soften the blow somehow... but grapes really are $12 at a nearby grocery store.  That's for REALS.)  Then there was a distant second reaction, but my favorite nevertheless:  "GOOD FOR YOU!  Congrats!  I hope you find that job/career that you deserve and makes you happy!"  (Note:  the second response elicits fewer tears and name calling on my part.  Unless you happen to add the "pretty" bit, then I might actually go on a date with you.  Just saying.)

I've worked as a reality writer/producer for over 9 years.  It's never been what I wanted to do, but I'm pretty good at it, so it kept me afloat for the past decade.  I came to LA to write sitcoms.  I started as a writers' assistant on Seinfeld.  It was a great ride (the last two seasons) and I learned more there than I ever did in college.  Then I got an agent at Endeavor (big time!) and wrote an episode of It's like you know (w/ Jennifer Grey and her new nose) and was commissioned to write a script for Kevin Smith's animated series of Clerks.  (Which was cancelled as I was writing my outline for the show... F!)  Then this ass-clown of a show called Who Wants to Be A Millionaire came on and BAM, all the sitcoms went away and reality television moved on in and set up house in prime time.  Endeavor dropped me as they couldn't get anybody a writing gig due to there being only 4 sitcoms on the air.  So knowing that I needed (and liked) to eat, I acclimated to the new television climate.  I wrote for the following:  Blind Date, Change of Heart, House Calls, 4 seasons of elimiDATE, E!, Bud TV and ultimately House Hunters and House Hunters International for the past 3 years.  This was Plan B, folks.  It was supposed to be for 2 years TOPS, not 9.  

I came to earthquake country to write/perform fictional humor.  And I finally got the courage to let myself honor that.

So as of next Wednesday, I'm  completely unemployed.  

Scared?  Shitless.  

Excited?  You bet.  

Remaining positive?  HAHAHAHA!  Best I can.  Mostly.  

I will be pursuing a few things that will hopefully recharge my soul and creativity (in no particular order!):

*  I will FINALLY start writing the books I've been wanting to pen for quite some time.  

*  I will start painting again.

*  I will be able to devote more time to stand-up and performing.

*  I will exercise and eat right.  (Except for chocolate, ice cream and candy.  What?!)

*  I will snuggle with my dog.  A lot.

*  I will see my friends more often!

*  Drinking tea.  Cuz it's awesome.

*  I will make sure that every day is spent living, not merely existing.

*  MORE BLOGGING.

So that's the plan.  Oh and to not go broke.  Financially or emotionally.   To stay the course and not regret the past.  Cherish the mistakes.  Take pride in my risks.  Admit my shortcomings and learn, learn, learn from it all.  And to seriously not get scurvy.  Seriously.  Ew.